Digital Romance and Its Impact On Love

Technology as we’ve seen in the last few years has become very impactful. It’s changing the way we interact and do business, travel, cook, and stay healthy. In a broad sense, it has eased up our lives, simplified interactions. Yet when we step back a little, we realize that connections are at the heart of everything - business, industry, commerce, and more. Therefore as much as we’ve digitized and simplified our lives, what has also subtly shifted is the way we interact with our loved ones, family, and friends.

Love is one of man’s primeval emotions. It has built kingdoms and destroyed empires since time immemorial. Yet today we’re wary of what the concept of technology is doing to love itself. Tech is increasingly getting a bad rep for destroying romance. The ability to connect and chat via instant messaging is seen to be causing increased physical distancing. The process of 'falling in love' fraught with ups and downs has narrowed down so much that the spark seems to have disappeared. Couples are increasingly becoming delusional and losing interest in finding their special someone. Technology in a sense has become a rubber band, bringing us closer and taking us further apart, putting us through new emotions, some of which underwhelm and some others becoming overwhelmingly excessive. Screens, notifications, and connectivity, also called ‘ubiquitous computing’ is something we can’t seem to run away from. Unlike all of the factors that have impacted romance through the ages, technology - as we’ve come to realise - cannot be boxed into a strict zone to be dealt with separately but has become an indispensable part of every minute of every day of our lives.

It can sound pretty scary, this dependency on technology that is changing relationships; both romantic and platonic. For better or worse, there is good and bad to the way our interactions are shaping up. To dive deeper, let us examine its impact on romantic love even further.

Romance has always been experienced through different stories, as we’ve seen in a previous article. It has gone from the courtship between kings and queens to being snatched, resulting in all-out wars. It’s ended up in lovers dying for their love, to marriages where men win over their beloved by displaying physical strength as in Indian swayamvaras. It has always been between people and their families, affected by immediate needs, a long-drawn process of people getting to know each other. Courtship was and is a game, enjoyed over the years drawing two people together. There was heartbreak and pain but on culmination a lifetime of ‘happily ever after’.

Today, the entire face of courtship and romance is changing, so rapidly that it is difficult to point out what exactly is happening. The onset of technology has been quite a boon and equally a bane.

Increased Transparency - Technology has demystified people, gone beyond a visual understanding to showcase them in their entirety. Social media apps such as Facebook and Instagram go beyond just images to also pick up on thoughts, ideas, and create a persona. There is no more an air of mystery since people’s thoughts, interactions, and movements can be tracked and mapped through digital apps and media. This reflects in courtship and choosing partners as well. In earlier times the period of courtship was long drawn out. It involved meetings and dinners, secret catchups, and figuring compatibility. Today meeting prospective partners happens across different platforms and forums. Dating apps such as Tinder, Happn, Bumble, Ok Cupid have become a very popular platform for meeting people. They’ve gone from generic dating to niche’d down services such as speed dating, apps for alternate sexuality and physically disabled to those based on interests and hobbies. These apps provide anonymity and the ability to just share enough information, while affording the flexibility to decide the way the relationship can move forward. Transparency for couples is a boon to get to know partners, but many believe has also taken the fun out of courtship and an intimate understanding of the partner. Add to that the fact that fake partner profiles and impersonation has exploded and we're still left with the question of whether technology has actually made people transparent and increased trust.

Enhanced Interactions - Very debatable but nevertheless very interesting is the perception of personal interaction. Interaction between two people who love each other takes many forms. There was a time when letters were exchanged between people, received over days and building an anticipation that made this mode of communication very cherished. This gave way to telephone calls, again slow and across distances, an endeavor in patience. As technology became more sharper, so too the pace and mode of interaction which became more precise, shorter and interactive. Today apps like Google Meets and Zoom have reduced distances bringing people onto screens, emotions visible and palpable, happiness and sadness felt, enhancing our ability to pick up the intangibles. Interaction between lovers has amplified, with so many different modes of sensorial apps and solutions. There is really no excuse for not being in touch all the time, everytime. Is there too much of it and therefore a fatigue from the many different options or are these different modes making relationships more meaningful and deep?

More Compatibility - When it comes to getting people to come together and matching them, technology plays a very important role. Romantic relationships are fraught with indecision, hesitation and doubt. It takes years for two people to connect, find out common interests and likes and take the relationship forward. Although this was the crux of courtship, the fallout of this was heartbreak, strife and even today people are afraid of getting into committed relationships. Digital solutions have addressed this compatibility issue very significantly. AI based compatibility apps such as India based Betterhalf.AI have been able to solve much of these problems by getting two people together after having matched their interests, likes, dislikes and personas before hand. These apps are able to match people quickly, detect fake personas and profiles make connections more meaningful. DNA and VR Dating are further going into matching people based on their DNA type or mimicking the virtual date to reduce chances of heartbreak and despondency if things don’t work out.

Dating or romantic relationships today have become simplified and more niche. Deconstructing relationships, an increased accessibility to mobile and connections forged across media will take on a whole new meaning as technology advances and people become more adventurous in their quest to find love.

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Co-authoring this piece with Charmaine Kenita, on my learnings in love, human behavior, education, technology, future challenges, and mapping the way forward.