A Rolling Tribute

Our story begins in a Swinger's club. I had recently moved to Phoenix and was trying to meet new people. It's a good place to meet single men in the same boat who keep those establishments in business.

It was lame and I picked up a magazine with personal ads. I was referred to a woman whom I would meet. Her attention span and the lack thereof made the relationship a one and done.

In an era where magazines were a thing; I looked through ads. Not for one reason. The guys who are there for one thing are highly limited and should probably stay home.

One ad caught my eye. It was for a single man. He was an artist living in Sedona. Most ads I reached out to had people who never answered. Kris responded.

I wrote about many topics. No one responded to him do so the element of surprise led to a response. I was interested in Sedona and would visit eventually. We did not meet there although it is as beautiful as you would imagine.

Living comparatively far apart (distances in Arizona are further. Long drives are common.) we mostly communicated through email. It became a Sunday tradition. He expected I was European. Not quite. I expected a Sam Elliott type. He was soft-spoken and worked for the city.

We talked about work and previous experiences. You know what experiences I mean. The challenges of being a single man were discussed and there were many frames of reference. I only met him in person twice. That's alright- we did what we could in the format given.

Before social media we were basically pen pals. I learned about Elko, Nevada where he was from. Sometimes it was the coldest place in the continental United States. He had many pets. Working with a greyhound rescue he had various greyhounds.

He had a pet pig who died young. When there was a live action remake of Charlotte's Web he said he could not watch it. Losing a pig hit close to home. I described some of the best stories I cannot or should not describe on LinkedIn.

Which is disappointing because there were many tales of teamwork, female empowerment and working towards a common goal. Some of the parties were on Saturday night so he would receive the exclusive- even before they made it into my journal.

There were many topics. This was the era of Multiple Streams of Relationships. I knew people at work, people from nightlife, people in the art world and swingers. Rarely did the paths cross and it led to an interesting life.

Everything dried up when I lost a good job. It was bad enough losing a good job. Having less social opportunities led my life to feel empty. Suddenly Phoenix went from a great place with great people to strange retirees, check cashing stores and drive thru liquor stores as if Joe Arpaio weren't Sheriff.

Seriously- don't drink and drive in Arizona. At times everyone I knew had limitations on their driving. I did not nor did Kris. Moving back to Virginia did not lead to a "farewell" visit as I drove past Sedona. We could not coordinate and maintained the original format. Email was never more relevant.

In later years he sent Christmas cards. They were original pieces of art since he drew the picture. Since neither of us had children Christmas was never a big deal. This was a highlight and something I looked forward to. There was also an update and of course, I saved those letters.

He took up pottery and sent many mugs and bowls. He even knitted a scarf. I don't wear scarves in general. It took time and I have worn this on cold winter days.

The measure of a man was introduced to me. He retired from his government job and I never returned to Arizona. He fell into the "I should check up on him" category and emails were still sent. Not at the weekly frequency when I had many interesting weekends.

We remained in contact. At least until last September. He mentioned that he had cancer. My first thought was to fly to PHX and rent a car. He suggested not to do that. There were too many people tending to him. His mother died the year before. They had a complicated relationship- that was another topic in his emails.

He asked if I would be willing to accept an urn. He was feeling his mortality and designed a urn for cremation ashes. It has always been my intention to be cremated. If people ignore me to my face do I think anyone would visit my grave? It's a waste of money.

Kris sent that and I still have. Since we did not exchange phone numbers and don't know each other's families I don't know when he went on to ancestry. There was no Christmas card last year. I sent an email on his birthday and there was no response.

Sometimes people outlive the doctor's prediction of "Six months to live." We maintained a relationship for twenty years. As fascinating a man as he was it made me wonder why more people did not take the chance and find common interests.

He was a beekeeper for a while. The honey he sent me will be around a long time. I don't use honey often. As he was closing his beekeeping experiment he sent me the last jar. It doesn't spoil so it will be enjoyed.

For someone not on Facebook, LinkedIn, Yahoo 360 (we knew each other a long time) or MySpace a relationship was maintained. Single men are virtually invisible in this society. I'm really glad that I took a chance and asked about art. More people should take the chance and the end result will be a more fulfilling life surrounded by fascinating people even if they live far away. He will always be right there. Thank you, Kris.