Roles and Goals: The Power of Proactivity and Appreciating the Present

This is a post I wrote last September that stayed in the draft. Here is a free downloadable framework to incorporate "Roles and Goals" into your weekly routine.

My mother grew up learning how to play the piano in Ahvaz, a city near the southwest border of Iran neighboring Iraq. A pianist in the making, perhaps. The melodic music of Tchaikovsky and Mozart reverberating through their polished Yamaha off of the hand woven Persian carpets and marble pillars. A beautiful scene in a magical country, circa 1976. She was 10, carefree alongside dozens of cousins, and hundreds more. Years go by, a revolution ensues, she turns 17 while bombs reign above her beloved home city while she seeks refuge in Paris. No longer a child, she takes on the role of guardian to my uncle. She begins university, becoming a Parisian student immersed not in melodic notes but French grammar and subtle discrimination. Crispy croissants and La Vie En Rose with occasional thorns that come with coming of age. Now 21, with the war still ravaging her hometown, she marries my father during a two week break of her studies. A new role was added to her plate. Wife, student, guardian, and a distant 10yr old pianist within. A passion, a gift, set aside for the evolution of life. A common tale for most, when priorities shift, times change, roles are cast to side, where the initial intention was to hibernate for a short period of time. As motherhood, being an architect, and other roles started entering her life, the role of musician, of a pianist continued to be put on pause. She will get to that later, after all. You should have seen her playing the piano. We saw a glimpse of it here and there on the keyboard in my brother's bedroom. Passion, fluidity, and zen personified for the length of but one song. Always put off for later. A role that remained dormant, awaiting its conductor to reopen the concerts hall of their Ahvaz living room.

Exciting news. She’s ready to play again. Ready to embrace the role of pianist. Yet, life has other plans. Her arthritis and pains in her hand have virtually made her thumb impossible to cooperate with the keys of the piano or the grip of a dumbbell. The role of pianist must wait yet again, though now a new variable has entered the picture. While for decades she had the ability to be a pianist but not the time, desire, or [insert any other consideration], now her body is telling her the time may have passed. How quickly do our roles change, seemingly in the blink of a 50 year eye. We each have roles that we choose. Some that we embrace out of necessity or circumstances. It’s important to note that some roles increasingly become difficult to learn or reinsert into your life as time goes by. That of a pianist, that of an athlete, that of a student, are some that seem to have prime ages for adoption. A malleable mind of a child is much better suited to learn language than an eighty year old man. Imagining a grandfather deciding to embrace the role of a runner vs. had he made that decision at twenty five years old. Such is nature. Yet, by the time we appreciate this realization it is too often too late to embrace a desire that for so long has been put on the back-burner.

Yesterday I added the role of “musician” to my list for nothing else but to appreciate that a desire to learn the saxophone or guitar will be one that will be orders of magnitude more challenging in ten or more years. Making baby step weekly improvements will likely lead to not only an ability to play this instrument but more importantly gives me the ownership of a role. It’s my choice today to be a musician. I may not have that choice later. My mother, while she may choose and desire to be a pianist, it is now, more than likely, out of scope.

Some roles that we have today are also temporary. Appreciating that is critical. Today, I am a grandson. I am a son. Those, although extremely difficult to internalize, are finite. A time will come where I no longer will have the opportunity to invest in those roles. Currently, every Sunday I evaluate the different roles in my life. I’m a brother, an athlete, a son, a grandson, a businessman, amongst a few more roles. How might I be a better brother this week? A better athlete? I evaluate my roles and assign them weekly goals. This methodology was pioneered by Dr. Stephen Covey in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. By being conscious about our roles and goals, we become more mindful as to whether or not we’re aligned with ourselves and who we wish to be. If you’re investing in the roles that you yourself have designated as important to you, then you can be assured that at the very least you have a pulse on who you are and what might need your attention. If nothing else, it is a framework towards reducing regret. In a blink of an eye our current circumstances can change. By being proactive, we prevent “what ifs” and become at peace with the natural course of life knowing that we made efforts to invest in who we wish to be and become. If today you are a son or daughter, come to appreciate how precious this moment is. If you have the ability to walk and be “an athlete”, maybe choose to do so. For tomorrow that choice may not be in your hands. What a gift to be able to take ownership in roles that matter to us and set goals for them. There may not be anything greater.