The Role of Patience in Building Resilience

Patience has never been my strong suit. God has spent my lifetime trying to help me build it by putting every driver who goes twenty miles under the speed limit in front of me and making me choose the checkout line in the grocery store where I end up behind someone who still insists on paying by check, but it's an uphill battle.

I can't say I'm grateful for these tests of my limited patience, but I realize the importance of working at it, especially when it comes to building resilience.

Resilience, while we are born with it (Remember the column noting that babies fall an average of 17 times an hour while learning to walk?) still must be nurtured, and patience is a major requirement.

No challenge has an immediate answer or it wouldn't be a challenge. Given the variables and uncontrol-ables embedded in every crisis and challenge, we often find ourselves engaged in a waiting game, for change, results and resolution. Thus, time, trial and error and yes, patience are key components of resilience.

I recall the early days of my son's sobriety (12 years sober this August!). While I would have done anything to snap my fingers and spare David of the long process of healing and growth, each small step along that road was a step that helped him build the strength and resilience necessary to stay sober and rebuild his life. It required great effort and patience from him—and from me.

Yet experiencing that gradual growth with the patience necessary allowed us both to give ourselves the grace of time to be human, to heal, and to trust each other again. Try the tips below to increase your patience and build resilience:

Accept that resolution takes time: Knowing that any challenge will require time to resolve gets the mind ready to evolve with circumstances and plan accordingly, lessening the expectation for an immediate solution.

Be realistic: Recognize that your immediate solution isn't going to happen. Once you remove magical thinking from your challenge, you can be more patient in developing smaller actions to get you nearer your goal.

Give yourself—and others—some grace: Lack of patience indicates an "it's about me" attitude (not that I'm guilty of that….). Acknowledging that we're part of bigger picture helps to remove the perceived importance of an issue and builds an awareness of the lives and struggles of others. When we expand our worldview, it's easier to remove pressure from ourselves to fix everything and builds our patience and empathy for others.

Resilience is a marathon, not a sprint. As such, it requires patience to learn, grow, heal and change. When we are patient with ourselves and give ourselves the gift of time, we can not only heal from the immediate crisis, but develop the insight and additional skills to add to our resilience toolbox. ?

Let's be Brilliantly Resilient together!

Mary Fran Bontempo is an award-winning 2-time TEDx and Keynote speaker, workshop presenter, author, humorist and media host who teaches audiences to uncover their Brilliance and Resilience 15 minutes at a time. A sought-after speaker for ERGs, BRGs, DEI, conference and association events, Mary Fran is author of "The 15 Minute Master," "Brilliantly Resilient" and "The Woman’s Book of Dirty Words" and co-founder of the life-changing program Brilliantly Resilient.?To bring Mary Fran to your company or organization, contact here.

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