Role of Parents in Learning – Supporting the Career Pathway (Part-3)

For many of us, the luxury of choice relating to education is not one made through leisurely contemplation. The reasons may be varied, ranging from financial challenges in the family, family expectations to ensure that a successful career choice is timely made or even a career choice made due to its popularity and its lucrativeness in the current (and even future) job market. Yet how do we engage children effectively to explore their occupational interests when they are young and continue to support their career choice without pressure or the rigidity that arises from the stress of grades and competition??

Looking back at my school years as a child, I was never fascinated by the concept of education I was formally taught. Yet my delight knew no bounds when since childhood, I listened with rapt attention to my father narrate anecdotes relating to geography, history, science,?traditions, culture, religions, philosophy, art, music, theatre and even the pathos of life and death - all discussed with the inimitable kind humour and wisdom of his. I think despite my dislike for the formal education that I was exposed to in those years, it was thanks to my father that my interest in learning was initiated unconsciously. It laid dormant for years until, ironically, I received the option of pursuing education for reasons that were very much my own. In my interest to learn and acquire knowledge, I began my sincere educational journey years after my degree, based fundamentally on my passion for learning with a career perspective.

From a traditional or even ordinary perspective, parents seldom prefer to wait patiently for their offspring to choose their career path, as my father did. But then again, he was never conventional in his approach to life. Always adventurous, full of ideas and ready for challenges, he never shied away from looking at a novel approach in life, including his career path. During his initial days as an entrepreneur, he had risked his life swimming in stormy weather at night from a ship to the shore to ensure he reached his next job on time, but that is another story!

While he was a risk taker, he was always a class topper since primary school, a high school topper, and a swimming champion in his Navy days. Surprisingly, he neither expected nor coaxed his children to uphold his illustrious academic legacy – much to the surprise of his family and friends. He was convinced that every child is unique, including his, and that his responsibility was to motivate us to find a career pathway that we would always be satisfied with. I never saw a look of hopelessness on his face during the days I would bring home my sombre report cards yearly; his face would be tired yet always immensely encouraging.

I have come to understand today that, based on my observations of my father's ideology, every child requires immense patience and tolerance to decide on a career they are passionate about. The path towards career growth and progress is not purely to be perceived from a functional aspect alone – it is a pathway that reflects purpose and responsibility towards our life as much as the existence we are a part of. This insight is best learnt during childhood when a child is more interested in experiential learning and discovery. And in some cases, like in mine, I have been admittedly fortunate; it may take years.

The second awareness of this approach to helping a child's career choice is the unconditional love and encouragement every child deserves. Instead of creating an attitude of secrecy in a child by infusing fear in the parental interactions, a child receiving unconditional love recognizes no element of fear in their interactions with their parents. When a child understands that their parents accept them without conditions, it is easier for them to respect, acknowledge, and be tolerant of others' differences. Providing unconditional love and empathy further helps children have less self-doubt and promotes a cheerful disposition towards others and the world.

Unconditional love is not based on the freedom to misbehave, nor does it encourage harmful or undesirable behaviour. Love conforms not to punishment but to discipline based on creating effective boundaries and consequences. Communication plays a vital role in the presence of unconditional love, for there to be as few misunderstandings as possible. As a child who was immensely fortunate to receive unconditional love, I have much to be grateful for. The discovery of strengths and potential was always discussed at home, and so was the prevalence of appreciation and respect in a home environment of security and closeness.

The knowledge and trust between child and parents not only fosters a more profound understanding between the parents and child but enables parents to understand a child's dislikes as much as likes when it comes to career choices. Once again, the comprehension of the child's dislikes needs to be made on logic and rationalization rather than parental desires to see the child be on a career they desire. Most of all, whether it is helping the child make the right career choice or being valued in a child's life, parents need to remember that their presence, not presents, creates a legacy for their child to value, uphold and continue with gratitude and conviction.