Role Models-Remembering "Our Fathers" and Our Nation's Builders this Father's Day!

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."--Mark Twain

"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person: he believed in me."--Jim Valvano

"He was a father. That's what a father does.It eases the burdens of those he loves. Saves the ones he loves from painful last images that might endure for a lifetime."--George Saunders

"It's only when you grow up and step back from him--or leave him for your own home--it's only then that you can measure his greatness and fully appreciate it."--Margaret Truman

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection." -Sigmund Freud

“Such is our situation, and such are our prospects: but notwithstanding the Cup of blessing is thus reached out to us, notwithstanding happiness is ours if we have the disposition to seize the occasion and make it our own, yet it appears to me there is an option still left to the United States of America; that it is in their cho?ce and depends upon their conduct, whether they will be respectable and prosperous or contemptible and Miserable as a Nation. This is the time of their political probation: this is the moment when the eyes of the whole World are turned upon them—This is the moment to establish or ruin their National Character forever!”-George Washington, New York City,1784

I had attended a Father-Son High School Reception for a Christian School recently. Each of the Dads had taken a moment to reflect on their sons, their future, and the graduating class. Sure, there were the "over the top" 21st Century Dads who were "in tears" when describing a family vacation to Bali last year. Really, in-tears when describing a (somewhat)conventional family vacation. Further, there were Dads who had spent most of the time "quoting scripture"(instead of sharing there own real-life experiences), that you were left with the impression that they were giving there version of Jesus's Sermon on the Mound Speech. One Dad had with verbosity claimed that "some of you will be wildly successful in life, others of you will not get very far in life."Really, now? Houston, we have a problem! Is this the type of comment in which you use to inspire enthusiastic and very promising young Christian Students! Another Dad had spoken about how he had advised his son to conduct himself during his recent "face to face" discussions with young ladies."If she gets near, within your body space and attempts to kiss you, run as fast as you possibly can away from this dangerous encounter! Run! Really, run from this dangerous encounter? Have things really changed that much since I was in High School back in the day? Run, as fast as you can from your "first kiss" from a lady(who isn't your Mother), but a Young Lady, just as you have entered High School? Crazy days! Most of the Dad went on and on about how there kids were "really unique at age 16, and(of course)gifted"Ok. Garrison Keillor's Lake Wobegon Days playing-out in real life,I guess? I had taken a more modest approach, I had decided to address how I was sure each of them would be very successful in their future endeavors in life. Further, I was very proud of there individual character and the very close "personal bonds" that had developed between each of the boys through coaching them in soccer over numerous years. In addition, I had suggested that I (always)been very impressed by there "closeness" and the overall concern and "high-spirit" support that each of them had for each other. Even with all of the "eccentricities" of the Dads within the room that evening, I had continued to have a great deal of admiration and "positive vibes" for all of the committed and dedicated Dads in that room from within my community. Dads have really changed in the Modern 21st Century Technological Age! In recollection, my grandfather had walked around the room "laying hands"(placing his hands on the shoulders)on each of the boys while informing my 8th Grade Christian School Graduating Class that he appreciated the "close relationships" that we had developed amongst each other, that we were to strive to be bold and innovative, try "new experiences," and(always)remain loyal to your comrades! My grandfather was always(mentally)"sharp as a knife,"highly-energetic, athletic, charismatic, and was beloved by his comrades and from within his community! He had driven his auto until the age of 93 and performed seamless dives from the high dive springboard at the community pool until his late 80's! A Clint Eastwood(perennially youthful, superman and kryptonite) type of grandfather, need I say any more? As he had continued complimenting us, he didn't berate us for sometimes getting in a "little trouble" by pulling pranks within our classroom(without our teacher's permission ordering delivered pizzas to our classroom while studying Ancient Rome, Greek Food while studying Aristotle and Plato another day, and hiding the teacher's chalk and erasure at the beginning of class time while studying Pre-Calculus,etc.).A little frame of reference on my grandfather, he was a part of the Patriotic Americans who had returned from World War 11 and set out to build America's Infrastructure, Industry and it's cities into "Economic Powerhouses" as a lasting symbol of there abundant love of country and belief in the possibilities of America! Of course, we can(certainly) use some of that Builders Generation unwavering "Patriot Spirit, "self-reliance, and resolve to get things done in America today! They were something special, no doubt about it!

Personally, I was reared by the Builder Generation, after my own father's sudden death overseas in 1970. My grandfather, a World War 11 US Army Bronze Star and three Purple Heart Recipient was an involved and beloved role model who had taught me that the "highest form" of parental love is remaining(directly) involved in your offspring's lives! This wasn't a generation to "fawn" over you with mushy sentimentality, but, they had continually demonstrated the greatest type of love by their actions of concern and "hands-on" involvement each and every day! Unequivocally, the amount of "Bad Boyz" within America today would be(significantly)diminish if Dads remained committed and involved within the daily affair of there offspring! No doubt about it!

There may never have been a generation when the ratio of honorable men to "slackers' was higher than the one born between 1914 and 1929. These were the men that grew up during the Great Depression. They’re the men who went off to fight in the "Big One"WW11. And they’re the men who came home from that war and built the nations of the Western world into economic powerhouses. They knew the meaning of sacrifice, both in terms of material possessions and of real blood, sweat, and tears. They were humble men who never bragged about what they had done or been through. They were loyal, patriotic, and level-headed. They were our Greatest Generation!

Tom Brokaw gave them that name, and while it’s a bold claim, I do(personally)support it. They weren’t made out of different stuff than we are, but they were faced with greater hardships and challenges, and successfully rose to the occasion! They weren’t perfect by any means, of course, but as a whole, they were a cut above the (entire)rest!

Take Personal Responsibility for Your Life!

While today’s generation often shirks responsibility as "too much of a heavy burden" the Builders Generation relished the chance to step up to the plate and test their mettle! For them, responsibility was their juice. They loved responsibility! They took it head-on, and anytime they could get a task and be responsible, that was what really got em’ going!

And when the Builders Generation accepted responsibility for something, they also accepted all the consequences of that decision, whether good or bad. General Eisenhower drafted a letter to be published of assuming full responsibility for D-Day if it didn't go as planned, President Kennedy assumed complete responsibility for the Bay of Pigs Fiasco, etc. They were not a generation of whiners, perennial victims, or excuse-makers! They took pride in their personal accountability. In a time where individuals and businesses reach for a bailout or an "easy fix" of bankruptcy to make things right!

Remain Frugal(most of the time)!

If your grandparents were anything like mine, then their house was stuffed with doodads and boxes of stuff. They have a sort of pack rat mentality because they grew up in the Great Depression where the next canister of oats or pair of pants was not guaranteed. They learned to live on less and be grateful for the things they had, no matter how humble. It didn’t take a new Xbox or IPhone 11X-Plus to brighten their Christmas morning; a pear at the bottom of a stocking was enough to knock their socks off! Further, this was not the generation that purchased BMW Convertibles to soothe their mid-life crisis,nor the generation that equated success with the purchase of a McMansion! This was the generation that was thrilled to move into the small houses of St.Paul Bungalows, which at 750 square feet were as big as some people’s garages are today!

One of the mottos of the Builders Generation was “use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.” Of course, it’s hard to “make it do” if you don’t know how to fix it, and thus handiness was also central to this generation’s frugality!

Always(always)Remain Humble!

Typical of the Builders Generation is the story of a son or daughter who finds a war medal stashed in the attic after their father passes, he had never told them about it. Even if their exploits had been brave and heroic, the Builder Generation rarely talked about the war, both because of the difficulty in remembering such carnage, but also from the sense that they had simply been fulfilling their duty, and thus had no reason to brag.ling their duty, and thus had no reason to brag! Most had remained a humble servant to the very end!

The men of the Builders Generation took their marriage vows very seriously. Not surprising with this generation, my grandparents remained married for 64 years. Brokaw wrote, “It was the last generation in which, broadly speaking, marriage was a commitment and divorce was not an option. I can’t remember one of my parents’ friends who was divorced. In the communities where we lived, it was treated as a minor scandal.” The numbers bear Brokaw’s anecdotal evidence out: of all the new marriages in 1940, 1 in 6 ended in divorce. By 2020, that number was 1 in 2. This was a time where there was no hanging-out or “hooking-up.” Men asked women on "real dates" and had serious intentions in doing so. When a particular gal caught a man’s heart, he proposed, and they got hitched. And they were married for the next 60 years! A great lesson in remaining committed!

The cynical 'persuasion" among us is apt to think that while the divorce rate was low, that simply means that more men were stuck in unhappy marriages. These days we’re quick to think that anyone who gets married in there early 20's and is married for decades after that, is bound to be living a life of quiet desperation. Yet, I have met a lot of Builders Generation couples and almost all of them were quite happy together.! They were companions and best friends. What’s their secret? The answer can really be found in changing expectations. When they got married and began families it was not a matter of thinking, “Well, let’s see how this works out!” Some would argue that marriages were less happy because divorce wasn’t an option. But could it be that the opposite was true? That with the divorce option off the table the whole tenor of your marriage would change? Maybe things wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t think there was an escape hatch, and you knew that whatever bumps you hit in the road, you had to work through them together.

Word Hard!

In war, these men had learned to focus on the objective at hand and not to give up until that objective and the mission as a whole was accomplished. When they got home, they carried that focus over to the world of work. They didn’t fall into the fallacy that Anthony Robbins has been busy denouncing, you have to find your "inner child" and walk over flaming hot coals and find “your passion” to be happy in life. They could find happiness in any job they did because they weren’t just working for personal, self-fulfillment; they labored for a bigger purpose: to give their families the financial security they hadn’t enjoyed growing up! As soon as they graduate college, many men today want the things it took our parents and grandparents 30 years to acquire. But the Builders Generation knew that going into the debt was not the way to get the things you want. They understood that the good things in life must be earned by honest toil!

Embrace Challenge

The Builders Generation wasn’t the greatest despite the challenges they faced, but because of them. Today many men shirk a challenge and difficult pursuits, believing that the easier life is, the happier they’ll be. But our grandfathers knew better. They knew that one cannot have the bitter without the sweet, and that true happiness comes from overcoming the kind of challenges that build character and refine the soul. The challenges they experienced made their joy all the sweeter because it was tinged with the gratitude of knowing how easily it could all have been taken away.

Don’t Make Life So Damn Complicated!

If there’s a common thread in these lessons, it’s having a common sense and a level-headed approach to life. In our day, when men are obsessing about finding themselves, their holy grail of a woman, and their “passion,” the Builders Generation’s uncomplicated approach to life is refreshing. They didn’t go on a diet, they simply ate whole food; they didn’t exercise, they worked around the house; they didn’t obsess about their relationships, they just found a gal they loved and married her. They always looked sharp but never fussed with fashion trends. They didn’t mull over which appliance better suited their personality and image, they just bought the machine that worked the best. They didn’t think about how to get things done, they just got em’ done! Designers, brands, and "staying amongst your own socio-economic circle" had never mattered(much)to the Builders Generation! They were a generation that just gets up and goes! Instead of spending your time gazing your life away, just get up and go! My grandfather had always remained committed, flexible, joyful, and didn't take himself so damn seriously! Thankful and very grateful for all of the committed and highly-involved American Dads within the lives of their children this Father's Day! Cheers!

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/05/learning/lesson-plans/gen-z-igen-memennials-a-lesson-plan-on-how-this-generation-has-been-characterized-and-why-that-matters.html

https://www.newsweek.com/what-millennials-can-learn-greatest-generation-766296