The Role of Leadership in Handling Trauma Responses at Work

In today’s fast-paced and interconnected work environments, the impact of personal trauma on professional behaviour is becoming increasingly observable. 50-70% of adults will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime[1] and so this widespread incidence of trauma highlights the need for awareness and understanding, especially in settings like the workplace, where the effects of trauma can significantly impact both individuals and organisational culture.

In this article I delve into five common trauma responses that manifest in professional settings: over-sharing, over-explaining, trauma dumping, hyper-independence and people-pleasing. Up until now, you have probably been confusing these as character traits. Each of these behaviours, while often overlooked or, more likely, misunderstood, can be a tell-tale sign of underlying trauma. By understanding these responses, leaders will be better able to foster a supportive and empathetic workplace culture, shifting away from a response that involves chastising and towards a leadership style that involves coaching the individual towards a healthier, more balanced way of communicating and coping in the workplace.

Emotional intelligence is now considered a key skill for a leader because it encompasses the ability to understand and manage one's own emotions, as well as the emotions of others. Understanding and effectively responding to behaviours like over-sharing, hyper-independence, and people-pleasing, leaders deepen their empathy and improve their ability to navigate complex emotional landscapes and foster team morale.

Trauma Response 1: Over-sharing

Spotting an over-sharer is relatively easy. An over-sharer shares excessive amounts of personal information or details, particularly in inappropriate or unsuitable contexts. You may feel a range of emotions around an over-sharer. For example, you might feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable by the amount or nature of the shared information, or you may feel empathy, recognising need for support or understanding. You might feel frustrated, particularly where the over-sharing is disrupting the flow of meetings or work-related conversations.

The concept of what constitutes over-sharing can be subjective and varies based on cultural norms, personal boundaries and the context of the sharing. However, it generally includes:

• Revealing intimate or highly personal details that are typically reserved for close relationships of private contexts.
• Sharing personal information too frequently which can overwhelm or burden the recipient.
• Sharing information that is not appropriate the given context, for example discussing personal relationship issues in a professional meeting.
• Failing to consider the sensitivity of the information being shared or the potential impact on oneself or others.

People may over-share for various reasons. These can include seeking connection and validation, experiencing loneliness or isolation, lacking awareness of social norms or boundaries, coping with anxiety or insecurity, or simply having a different understanding of what constitutes appropriate sharing.

Sometimes, over-sharing might be a response to past experiences or traumas where the individual didn't feel heard or valued. Understanding these underlying reasons is key to addressing over-sharing effectively and empathetically.

How can you support the over-sharer in your team?

As the manager of an over-sharer, what you want to do is foster personal growth and a healthier work-environment for that individual. This can be achieved in the following ways:

1. Engage in active listening - show genuine interest in what the employee shares. This builds trust and understanding.
2. Set gentle boundaries - guide the conversation back to work-related topics in a respectful manner.
3. Create a supportive environment - Encourage a culture where all employees feel valued and understood, reducing the need for over-sharing as a means of seeking validation.
4. Provide regular feedback - Offer constructive feedback in one-on-one settings, emphasising the importance of balanced communication in the workplace.

Trauma Response 2: Over-explaining

Over-explaining is a communication behaviour where an individual provides more detail or information than is necessary or requested. It can involve delving into extensive details, justifications or background information that may not be relevant to the topic or situation.

This trauma response can be rooted in a number of experiences. For example, growing up in an environment where communication was frequently misunderstood or ignored; experiencing situations where there were negative consequences for not providing enough information; or past relationships or settings where a person’s words or actions were constantly questioned or doubted. These experiences can leave lasting impact, influencing communication patterns in an effort to prevent misunderstandings or to seek validation.

Over-explaining can therefore stem from a desire to be thoroughly understood, fear of being misunderstood or lack of confidence in the listener's ability to comprehend without extra explanation. For the listener in the work-place, over-explaining can sometimes lead to confusion or frustration, as the delivery may come across as patronising or unnecessarily time-consuming.

How can you support the over-explainer in your team?

1. Build trust - create a safe environment where the employee feels heard and valued.
2. Encourage self-awareness - help the employee recognise their tendency to over-explain and its effects.
3. Provide constructive feedback - offer feedback that is specific, empathetic and focuses on the impact of over-explaining.
4. Set clear expectations - clarify what level of detail is needed in various situations.
5. Acknowledge progress - recognise and appreciate when they communicate effectively.

Trauma Response 3: Trauma-dumping

Trauma-dumping refers to the act of unloading intense, traumatic or deeply personal stories and emotions onto someone else, often without warning or consent. This typically involves sharing distressing experiences in a manner that is overwhelming for the listener. Trauma dumping can place a heavy emotional burden on the recipient, especially if they are unprepared or unable to handle the information. It's different from seeking support or sharing in a mutually consensual and supportive context; trauma-dumping often lacks awareness of boundaries and the listener's capacity to process the shared information.

A person that trauma-dumps may have been through any one of the following traumatic events: physical or emotional abuse, going through a distressing relationship break-up, suffering a significant loss (like the death of a loved one), enduring a traumatic event (like a violent incident or a natural disasters) or facing prolonged periods of high stress or anxiety.

These events can overwhelm an individual’s ability to process emotions healthily, leading them to unload their experiences onto others without considering the impact.

How can you support the trauma-dumper in your team?

1. Listen actively and empathetically - trauma dumping could be a cry for help. Show understanding and empathy; create a supportive space for the employee to express themselves.
2. Offer resources - provide information on available employee assistance programs or other mental health resources.
3. Refer to professional support - encourage seeking help from mental health professionals if the content is beyond the scope of workplace support.
4. Check-in regularly - maintain regular communication to understand their needs and challenges, offering support as appropriate.

Trauma Response 4: Hyper-independence

Hyper-independence is a trauma response characterised by an excessive desire to rely solely on oneself, often to the point of avoiding asking for help or resisting support from others.

This behaviour can stem from past experiences where relying on others led to disappointment, hurt or betrayal. Examples include growing up in an environment where caregivers were unavailable or unreliable, experiencing abusive relationships where dependence was exploited, or situations where seeking help led to negative consequences, reinforcing the belief that one must only depend on themselves.

While hyper-independent individuals might seem cold or detached, their true underlying fear is being let down or rejected. Their seemingly unapproachable demeanour is, in reality, a defensive mechanism for self-protection.

Signs of hyper-independence are as follows:

• Taking on too much responsibility
• Difficulty delegating
• Mistrust of others
• Few close or long-term relationships
• Resentment or resistance to others relying on them

How can you support the hyper-independent person in your team?

1. Acknowledge their strengths - recognise their self-sufficiency and resourcefulness.
2. Encourage team collaboration - gently encourage their involvement in team activities, highlighting the benefits of collaborative efforts.
3. Provide opportunities for autonomy - assign tasks that allow for autonomy, respecting their need for self-reliance.
4. Offer support without imposing - make it clear that support is available, but allow them to decide when to accept it.
5. Model vulnerability - demonstrate that asking for help is a strength, not a weakness.

Trauma Response 5: People-pleasing

People-pleasing is a behaviour pattern where an individual prioritises the needs, desires and opinions of others over their own, often to avoid conflict or to gain approval.

This behaviour can be a trauma response to various experiences, such as:

• Growing up in an environment where the expression of personal needs or opinions was discouraged or punished.
• Experiencing relationships where asserting oneself led to negative consequences, like emotional or physical abuse.
• Living in settings where high value was placed on conformity and pleasing authority figures, leading to a suppression of personal identity or desires.

These experiences can lead to a deep-seated belief that a person’s worth is tied to how well they can accommodate others, often at the expense of their own well-being.

People-pleasers can be observed displaying the following behaviours:

• Saying "yes" to requests, even at their own expense
• Struggling to express disagreement or set boundaries
• Prioritising the needs and opinions of others over their own
• Seeking approval and fearing disapproval
• Avoiding conflict and having difficulty with assertiveness
• Over-apologising and taking responsibility for others' feelings or mistakes

How can you support the people-pleaser in your team?

1. Validate their contributions - acknowledge their efforts and value beyond just pleasing others.
2. Encourage assertiveness - invite them to express their own opinions and needs.
3. Set clear expectations - clarify work expectations to prevent overcommitment.
4. Promote self-care - encourage a healthy work-life balance and self-care practices.

Final thoughts

For the majority of people exposed to traumatic events, they experience some short-term distress that eventually fades to a painful memory and is not destructive. When offered the right support in the workplace, leaders ensure these reactions don't adversely affect others or the organisational culture. By providing appropriate support and understanding, managers can help individuals navigate their trauma responses in a way that minimises negative impacts on their colleagues and the broader workplace environment and creates a compassionate, inclusive environment that not only aids in individual healing but also contributes to a healthier and more productive workplace culture.

[1] https://www.ptsduk.org/ptsd-stats/