Rock Bottom
Have you ever had a time in your life where you felt like things couldn’t get any worse? Or maybe you felt alone and incapable of doing whatever it was that needed done to improve your circumstances?
I know that feeling very well. Many of us do. So if you are feeling that way, know that things can change for the better. You are not alone.
It’s #NationalRecoveryMonth. I spent more than a decade in active addiction. I’ve been in recovery for more than a decade, and I’ve been continuously sober for more than 8 years. I’ve met so many amazing and wonderful people in the recovery community that it would be hard to list them all. They are incredibly talented, kind, genuine, and generous people who have a common idea: to live life without addiction.
I do sometimes get asked, “What was the thing that made you finally stop?” Other people ask it a different way, “What was rock bottom for you?”
I heard this idea passed around in treatment and in 12 step recovery groups for years: rock bottom, but no one ever defined what that means. Some people use it to mean the lowest point in their life. Some people use it to mean the day the consequences of their actions caught up with them. Others would say it’s when they didn’t have anyone left in their life that cared about them.
However it’s defined, the idea goes that a person “must hit rock bottom before they will change.” There is actually great debate about this in the treatment and recovery world. Some would say it’s a requirement for change, while others don’t believe it has to be this way.?
I think the debate is actually due to it being poorly defined. So let me make the case that rock bottom is required for major change of any kind, but I’m going to define it differently.
Rock bottom isn't the worst day of your life. It's the day you have no escape from facing yourself.
The day I began recovery wasn’t the last day I drank. The last drink of alcohol I ever had came on a day I crossed a line I didn’t think I was capable of crossing. I was left with the reality that I was going to lose my young, growing family as a result. I was left face-to-face with myself in a way I never had been before. All of the exit ramps I had always used to avoid being honest with myself were finally gone.
It was my fault.?
The thought finally hit me in a way I could not avoid. I didn’t engage in blaming myself, criticizing myself, or throwing “a pity party” as my wife would so kindly call them. I took ownership over my addiction.
Now, I want to be careful to recognize that addiction is a disease. It’s a biological, psychological, and social illness that is NOT chosen by a person. It happens TO them. It happened to me. I didn’t choose it. But regardless of how I got there, there was only one person who could make the decision to change: me.?
I made the decision that day, but it was God and other people who helped me get there. I wouldn’t be sober and recovered without my wife. It would not have happened. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for my amazing parents, my daughter, real friends, the people at Celebrate Recovery, the people at Alcoholics Anonymous, and the church.
No one recovers alone.
That being said, if you are struggling with addiction, know that it doesn’t have to end in tragedy, and rock bottom doesn’t have to be the day the world ends for you. It’s the day it began for me.?
Maybe addiction isn’t your struggle. Maybe you have problems that look completely different than mine. I’ve learned from spending countless hours being a therapist for others that people change when they see themselves in an honest way. Yes, there may be things outside of your control, but the perspective of taking ownership over what you can control is what helps people start the journey to getting better.?
My encouragement to you is that self-reflection is the first step toward changing things for the better. Being honest with yourself about what you have contributed to, what you can and can’t control, it’s hard. But it’s also the most freeing thing you will ever do.?
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I couldn’t control the fact that I had an addiction. What I could control was what I did about my addiction. The primary thing I had to do was get help from others. That’s likely where you will find your solutions, too.?
It’s amazing how much others are willing to help a humble, honest person.
This is also true in business.
If you have ever started a business, then you know the realities of the first year or two. It is an uphill battle from the start. You may or may not have funding, but building a new enterprise is one of the more challenging tasks you can take on. Everything starts and ends with you. There will inevitably come a point where you have gone weeks or months without pay, when your business isn't quite breaking even, when you're not sure how or when things might collapse around you, and if you have employees, you are responsible for their wellbeing , too.
This is a point when most entrepreneurs that are successful find themselves at rock bottom. The hard reality is that no one is coming to rescue you. Self-reflection is necessary. Finding people who have been there before is necessary. Connecting with people who have overcome this hurdle and are willing to share their knowledge is necessary. But it starts with you.
You have to take ownership. You have to be honest with yourself about what you can and cannot change. You have to find the knowledge gaps that prevent you from moving forward.
This goes for most major life changes.
So regardless of what problem or issue you have in front of you, take the first step to change your life: a good hard look at yourself. Then take the second step: reach out to others who can help.
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction or mental illness, please don’t hesitate to get help:
National Suicide Hotline:?988
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Service Administration: https://www.samhsa.gov/recovery-month
Center for Renewed Minds:?330-826-1430