Rock Bottom Became The Solid Foundation On Which I Rebuilt My Life

I have been playing with the idea of sharing this story but after a while of deliberation, I think it's time to share. The point of me sharing the journey is in the hope that it will reach one person who is struggling with similar issues who can't see a way out and the people that feel like there is no one in the world the can understand or want to help them.

I'm not sure why it's such a taboo topic to talk about so... I also want to break down the stigma around addiction in the workplace. 1 in 8 adults suffer from alcohol/drug misuse, 1 in 3 adults are excessive drinkers and if you look at your business how many celebrations are alcohol-driven and how many employees drink too much? Now I'm not saying stop all of that I'm just giving insight into the reality of it. There are hundreds of ways you can celebrate success without going out and getting smashed. I can guarantee your team will build a stronger relationship if you all did an activity together and there is nothing wrong with drinks after.???

In a world that normalises extreme consumption of alcohol, I'm not surprised why there are millions of people suffering. That also brings forward the fact that people do not talk about drinking problems because everyone drinks! They feel like they will not be heard.

This article, will be talking about my experience, strength and hope. I think there is a tendency to hide who are these days and people worry about what people will think about them and I want to be as transparent as possible about who I am.

I am a grateful recovering addict. - It took me a long time to call myself an addict but I welcome it these days.

Experience

The journey started when I went to secondary school, I could never concentrate at school. I've struggled with ADHD and Dyslexia all through my life and I never knew how to exercise the chimp in my head. So in classes, I would always be drawing mainly graffiti letters, I loved it.. to be honest, I still do. I had books and books full of drawings, if the lessons weren't engaging (Which was most of them) I would be drawing. This led me to get in a lot of trouble, falling behind in lessons. I was sent to a private school in year 7 and felt as if I couldn't connect with these people. I felt I wasn't good enough or in a different working class than most of them, I was bullied for having a Jewish family and for being a small kid.

By the end of year 7, I was depressed, lashing out and screaming out for help. Then a god send came, alcohol... Alcohol took me away from my problems and put me on a level playing field. It was common ground with people of my age. I felt like I finally fitted in, finally! I felt normal. For as long as I can remember I never drank normally, always in excessive amounts,

After being "asked to leave" this school, I believe the final statement from the Head of Teach was "Parents pay for their children to come to this school, so they don't have to mix with kids like Tom", I found myself out of school, I remember going to a number of schools in the area and none of them would take me. After a little while, I was accepted into Wye Valley, this school changed my view on people my age for the better. I met some friends there that I'm still so close with now and I'm so happy I went. Saying that didn't stop me from being a naughty kid. I was again expelled at 15 and sent out into the world.

The next 12 years of my life were fuelled by working hard and partying even harder to try to calm my mind from the depressive nature I had picked up over the years. It was a wild ride It took me to places I never thought I would be and to do things I never thought I would do. 12-hour working days and then out partying. No time to sit with me and feel normal, that wasn't my goal though. My goal was to get far away from normal in my "happy" space. Which was making me ill.

I wrote a short blog about my partying days and my love for the music scene that I still carry with me. Check that out for some insight.

This also gives a look into the situation at the tail end of my drinking and using career and why I needed to seek help.

I don't want to share war stories, nothing good comes from talking about the negative impacts of using, so the next part I want to talk about is strengths.

What is the hardest part of stopping drinking/drugs?

• Breaking the habit
• Having to sit with your emotions (Good & Bad)
• Finding support
• Understanding your triggers and learning coping techniques

For me breaking the habit was the hardest part, I have tried to stop for years. I'm sure everyone has tried to just have the 1 pint... 90% of people also know what happens after that one pint. For me it was chaos, I was out until stupid o'clock spending money like there was no tomorrow. Wake up in the morning, with the feeling of guilt, wondering what I did the night before, being late for work, not being 100%... The list can go on and on...

HOW DID I DO IT?

I saw an Instagram post of a guy I knew, he was one of the biggest party boys I knew and the post said he was 100 days clean. I dropped him a message and he told me his solution nothing more. It was up to me then, after that, I called my Mum and told her how bad my using actually was and that I couldn't stop of my own will.

On January the 31st I started a day hab with a company called Help Me Stop, this was a game-changer for me. It was a 6-week rehab, I would have a daily session from 6pm - 8:30pm, Mon - Friday. This means I could still work during the day, I must add here a huge thank you to Joe Parker & Rob Sugden at ECOM for supporting me to do this and giving me the time I needed to start this process.

During these 6 weeks, I would have daily check-ins, on how we were feeling, did we come across any triggers or anything that made us feel like picking up a drink? and then we would do daily workshops. These would be a letter to our addiction, HALT (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired) the four main things that can normally set a human in a state that can lead to drinking, Boundaries setting, Mindfulness sessions, meditations, anxiety work, acceptance, thinking errors, relapse prevention, guilt, and surrendering to the flow of life.

The journey was amazing with them, it gave me a 6-week breather and an insight into what life could be like if I just stayed sober but that was just the beginning. The real learning happened when I left rehab, armed with the plan of action I went on in my recovery journey.

My first stop was meetings, you've probably seen in films the classic "Hi I'm Tommy, I'm an addict", my first one was hands down the most nerve-racking experience of my life. Sat in a room with 40 people and admitted you are an addict and at the lowest point of your life but as they say, you can only go up from there.

When people shared I knew this was for me, I could see myself in everyone, even though we all had different walks of life. They tell you to focus on the similarities, not the differences. You can always see differences and that can drive you away from the meetings.

We all suffered from this incurable disease, that has no known medical remedy except in these rooms. The AA programme has been working its magic since 1935 and has more than 2.1 million members worldwide, that's just AA let alone the other 33 different meeting groups. It is a spiritual, not religious programme, to understand yourself and work with your illness.

If you had an illness, you would go to go to the doctors to get your medicine, I go to 2 meetings a week to pick mine up. There are 12 steps to work through along with some suggested things. Now once these are done you must carry on the work. If we put down the medicine we will get sick again.

HP - Stands for Higher Power

THE STEPS

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol/drugs - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of your HP
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. (Resentments, Fears and Sexual conduct)
5. Admitted to your higher power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have our HP remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with you HP as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of your HP will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

I must say I almost ran a mile when I heard the word God, I classed myself as none believer but I thought to myself, I have nothing to lose and I also have everything to lose if I do not try to follow these steps. I personally don't pray to God, I pray to the universe. This to me makes more sense to me. Although I do have an attraction to the Buddist principles ????

THERE IS HOPE

I'm so happy to say I am now 167 days sober (The longest time before that was 2/3days), completed the 12 steps and sponsor other addicts to take through this work. The key to all of this is passing on my knowledge to other suffering people that need help, just as my sponsor did for me. Now I have done the steps and straightened out myself physically and spiritually I need to work with others because that's what reminds me of what it was like in the chaos.

To the people that are scared of change, it is ok to outgrow your old self. It's all part of life's journey. The things that are meant to stay will stay, it can be a painful process but nothing good comes from being comfy.

I wouldn't swap my old life for this one, I have my mind back, its completely quiet, I can sit with myself these days and not need to go out, I spend quality time with my partner and puppy, friends and I still go out partying, I still run raves, I still go to the pub and I have a new job that is the perfect culture fit and challenges me in all the right ways. I do still get off days or the urge when the suns out to have a cold one but I'm now equipt with the tools to not indulge those thoughts.

When you first go to a meeting you are promised a life beyond your wildest dreams. If you put in the action then this is what you will have. It's not about material things, a life beyond my wildest dreams was being able to be happy with myself and settle in life. The rest will come when that is done.

THE PROMISES?If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God "The Universe" is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

The suggested things that have kept me in check

1. Get honest with yourself - No more bullshit
2. Remember this sober life is just for 24 hours, don't think about the future. Just stay sober today and do the same thing the next day and the next
3. Go to meetings - There are 80+ meetings a week in Greater Manchester alone?(I will go to your first one with you)
4. KEEP GOING BACK!
5. Share, open your mouth, people care about people.
6. Buy the big book
7. Get a service position?(I make brews and dish out the biscuits)
8. Get a sponsor
9. Call them every day, without fail
10. Be 100% truthful, do not leave anything out but it's only you that will know.

Morning Routine

1. Read the On awakening
2. Pray - Step 3 & Step 7 prayers
3. Meditate

‘I chose sober because I wanted a better life. I stay sober because I got one’

These are all very simple things for very confusing people but I wouldn't be writing this if it doesn't work. I have my life back, I truly do and I'm grateful for everything that I have and I am also ok with anything that will happen good or bad in my life because I'm at peace with myself.

If you are struggling or looking for a new way of life this is your calling, drop me a message I would be more than happy to speak to you and help you get on board this amazing journey.

Thank you to - Rachael, Mum, Dad, Tony, Dave, Israh, Pete, Josh, Heff and all my pals for the constant support.