Rock (the boat) Anthem

Hi, my name is Vanessa. Not Van, Ness, Vaness'. The kids in our family call me Nessa. If someone insists on a formal address they may call me Ms. Ogle. ?My Granny, Mrs. Paul Arthur Ogle, thought it was ridiculous when the NY Times validated the “phase” I was going through by using the title Ms., instead of Miss or Mrs. (1986) She also didn’t like that I kept my last name after I got married. Grandad thought it was fantastic (with a conspiratorial wink and thumbs up behind Granny’s back).?

It was the summer of 1985. I was the same age as my youngest kids are now and I was sporting oil spattered jeans and motorcycle boots or singing and playing guitar in a dress in church, or in cut off jeans learning to throw a spiral...all of that was me. Now that I have my own children I understand how much my parents loved and encouraged me to be myself instead of a daughter who fit in with social norms.??Thanks Mom, Dad, Papa, oh and thanks to David Stephenson for teaching me to throw that spiral.

I grew up and still didn’t fit in. I was the only woman in most meetings in and out of the boardroom and it was mostly ok.??Whenever I bumped up against bias that was overt and painful, I tried to shrug it off hoping I was paving the way for other women after me to have an easier time…right??

While I wish that were true, I now believe that women like me who have been on the front lines fighting sociologically imposed limitations of gender have made progress, but we have not “fixed” the problem. Looking at each day’s news cycle it seems we have failed to eradicate or even limit conscious and unconscious bias against women. There is clear and present evidence to show that the role and power of women is making progress, but at a snail’s pace.??It is not fast enough.

At home I have watched my two youngest children be marginalized instead of celebrated as powerful. In the classroom, in the courtroom, they are constantly told they are too loud, too dramatic, too quiet, too well-spoken, too stubborn… always too... something. I have watched them be discounted and disrespected in ways my boys were not. Now we sit and watch the news together, horrified as?attempts are made to shackle?women back 30 years. Women don’t get to make decisions about their own bodies in our state. Women are paid less for the same work done.??The list goes on as?society still whispers that the weaker sex have a list of occupations they should not do and that clearly their contribution is not as valuable as a man’s or else they would be paid the same.??

Is there any wonder that kiddos who want to DO more, want to BE more are running and not walking away from the gender assignment of “girl/she/her”?

I am ashamed to admit my first response to learning about the gender non-binary movement was to feel rejected and marginalized. I had worked so hard to expand what SHE meant, what SHE could be. SHE can race motorcycles or drive a boat, She can own her own home (without a husband’s signature).??She can produce a record or be a CEO.?

It felt to me that kids who were rejecting she/her as their pronoun were throwing away all the years of my hard work.??I could not have been more wrong.

The non-binary movement is not a rejection of feminism.

After many heated dinner debates and late-night conversations and through the grace and mercy of many young people in my circle I had an epiphany. I realized that as a parent I did not fail. As a group of women who were burning the candles at both ends working while raising children, we DID make a change. We raised a decade of humans who know their worth. This powerful group of young people is rising up and refuse be limited or contained. They are thinking outside the box and creating their own roles and yes, even their own pronouns.?

I fully embrace the innovation of these proud young people to choose to innovate the English language and create and reform their own pronouns so they can outwardly and inwardly be in each and every way who, what, and all they choose to be.??

I am no Gloria Steinem. When I was my kid's age, I rebelled by jumping onto a slow moving train of Ms that had already left the station, and yet took 75 years to pick up steam and be recognized. It was not a phase as I still go by Ms. today. It is inspiring to watch my children alongside other young people be on the front lines of this next era of change.?Women are NOT and have never been the weaker sex.?It may have taken a long time, but women in history moved mountains and gave birth to truth.??Now we have reached a state of rapids where the truth is bubbling to the surface and spitting up new thoughts and ideas as it tears down anything in its path.??This is today’s young people.??They are a river and there is no stopping them.??This is a generation of people who care about feelings, the environment, inclusion, and respect.??They care about the facts and look for common ground.??So WHAT if they do not use she/her or he/him pronouns? They want?common ground.???Wouldn’t our society be a better place if we saw less pink/blue or red vs. blue? If this is the societal change for my kids breaking away from my generation… bring it on.??Rock the boat!??

So let’s all sing along to the chorus for each of us to be all of our authentic selves. I wrote a rock anthem called River. It is about this part of our journey. I would love to know if “River” speaks to any part of you or your journey. Take a listen below, and drop a comment below or DM me anytime.

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