The Road Not Taken

On the 7th December 2018 I gave a keynote at the Forward Ladies final and focused my talk on the hidden entrepreneur in my mum (another story for another time). As I was talking about her story and sharing key points here and there about her vision, purpose, taking risks, sacrifices and choices and other entrepreneurial skills, I had a light bulb moment. My mum took a road less travelled and in telling her story I realised at that point in time, I had a choice to make, the time had come for me to choose a road.

I recall reading Robert Frost’s poem some time ago and the book a Road Less Travelled by M. Scott Peck, many years ago. The poem is about the traveller deciding between two paths and for those into symbolism like me, it’s about life and which direction to take your life in. The poem reflects on the road taken being a hard one, but one which he bound to stay on now, and one day may take the other road but doubts he will. The book similarly is about doing things different than the usual way and taking a path in life that you would not make necessary make.

The unexpected route

For those of us who drive we probably have been in a situation where you travel the same route to somewhere and know it like the back of your hand. Until there is a diversion or situation forcing you to go another route. You feel like the rug has been completely been pulled from under your feet, pools of sweat form, your heart rate going faster than the car, the moment of dread and panic you feel as you have no idea how you are going to get to your destination. You need to figure it out because the sat nav has also decided to take forever to give you a new route and when it does you don’t trust it because the route is unknown. Sound familiar?

The outcome is often you reach your destination safe and sound with much relief and then you say “ hey, I didn’t know x was there, and I didn’t know I could get here by tasking this route, it’s actually quicker too and more scenic and a lot more enjoyable, I will need to remember that for next time”.

Often the new route(s) to change is before us and we don’t always need a sat nav to guide us, just our own instincts and trust in the outcome that all will be well and better than expected. But often more is needed…

"Progress is impossible without change and those who cannot change their minds can’t change anything" – George Bernard Shaw

I made a huge decision to leave comfort and safety, I looked down the old road I was standing on and I saw the familiar. I looked down the other roads, a new road, new things, new challenges, equally scary but what I was afraid of wasn’t the road and walking down it, I was afraid of the unknown, the what if’s. What if it’s the wrong road, what if I fail? But even more surprising I was quite scared of going down the new road and being free to use my experience in a different setting.

It is the strangest feeling, but once you open your mind to change, and explore and do things not done before its funny just how much more you see and how your beliefs can change…

Mmm a little bit like addressing our own negative behaviours, bias, stereotypes, assumptions and prejudice. Yet another article for another time.

Born free

I learnt that in each and every one of us has the desire to be free, free from the mortgage, free when the kids grow up and flee the nest, free from working, free from the stresses of the day, free to be our professional selves and remain true to our authenticity, free to stop struggling to fit. We all have that fight within to be free versus confining ourselves to our own mental chains (Insert Howard Jones lyrics to New Song here) which society, colleagues, partners family, friends etc put on us. We were born free! 

But sometimes in some aspects of life particularly our work lives, we put our own chains on and lock ourselves into travelling the same road over and over. Now don’t get me wrong for many that is fine, but for others it’s not.

I do believe that people can disable another’s potential, but I also believe that we as individuals can also refrain from using the key on ourselves. We sometimes don’t even know we have it, or sometimes we seek permission to unlock our own mental chains and set free the full potential and capability we have.

The fork in the road

When I came to the proverbial fork in the road, I decided to take the road less travelled and leave the road I had been on for over 22 years. Taking the unknown path, I found made me question what I thought I knew, because I genuinely did not have any experience or idea of what was to come. A bit like driving on the new road to get to where I am going.

The last six months have been the most scenic, unexpected journey, scary at times but exciting too. Had I not travelled down the road I would not have ended up in the position of tapping into my own entrepreneurial spirit to set up my own business.

I have kept a journal and this page was done around month 3 and shows the ramblings of my scattered thoughts. In there are some little gems, some you may or may not agree with but certainly helped me on my new road and I hope can help others in some small way.

 Just in case you can’t read my handwritten musings my gems are:

1. Motivated: Less procrastination but igniting the fire in my belly to get up and do and commit to see things through. Be courageous and conquer my inner fears, insecurities and limiting beliefs and go for it
2. Vision & Purpose: A good leader always has a strong vision to cast out like a net catching fish. Mine was borne from a conversation with my dad many many years ago, it sounds trite but its true and my vision and purpose is underpinned by a strong desire to make a difference and have a little impact along the way. I am driven by my purpose, not ego, power or money if that happens perfect, I do have bills to pay, but my purpose comes first.
3. Flexible: You can never fully prepare to walk a new path, but a good start is to expect the unexpected and not box myself in to my old way of doing things. My thinking and approach is now “I can do that” and then work out how I can make it a reality. In being flexible I never forgot my own health and wellbeing too, more so for me as I care for another and I am of no use If I don’t own my own health and wellbeing too.
4. Take Risks: Taking a new path is in fact taking a risk, risk taking can lead to new paths and new opportunities. It’s fine to be scared doing something that I have never done before. It’s about embracing the change and innovation and seeing opportunities and possibilities. The hardest decisions can offer the biggest return.
5. Build Relationships: It’s not a path I have to walk on all by myself, it’s much more enjoyable when you have company along the way. I learnt how important it is to gain different perspectives and diversify who I network, connect and collaborate with from different backgrounds, sectors etc and how they can help you fulfil your vision and ambitions. I had many scrambled thoughts and my sat nav was a fantastic executive coach who helped me gain clarity and the tools to equip me to walk down the new road.
6. Celebrate success and embrace failure; Someone once said FAIL is the First Attempt In Learning. I have had a fair few failures but for me I see failure as an essential ingredient to my growth and development. I proactively look for the key learns to outline what my next steps are to build on for the next attempt. There is no shame admitting failure or failing, failure equals experience, and experience equals knowledge and know how.
7. Hone your craft: I might not have OBE, MBE or CBE etc after my name, this for me used to be an indicator of capability and fed my imposter experience. I respect all those that have acquired them in my field, many of whom I look up to and have been a great source of inspiration and help to me these last 6 months. The point is that I learnt and realised, this is not how I should judge capability or credibility for which, for a while I was guilty of and saw myself as not good enough. So, I seek constant improvement of myself and pushing myself outside my comfort zone to hone my craft and turn talk to action. Someone again once said, “The leader who learns more might also be someone who is more likely to succeed too.”
8. Creative and Innovative: The more I master my craft and understand the environments many business operate in, see and understand the various perspectives, get to know and connect on a human to human level, the more I am creative and innovative in my solutions. Be open to learning and open to trying and doing new things is the bedrock of innovation and the foundation for longevity in my humble opinion. This has been of the main things that have kept me relevant and make my approach as a leader in this space, perhaps a little different.
9. Passion and authenticity: Love what you do and do what you love, even if it’s your side hustle. Embrace your difference and use it to make a difference, as my dad said, I can’t change the colour of my skin, but I can help change the mindsets of how others see it. So yes, I am a black female business owner and proud to be me and it’s that very difference and all the others attributes I have alongside my capabilities, expertise, work and lived experience which makes me the accomplished individual I am and more than good enough.
10. Voice: In my six-month hiatus the road less travelled provided many unexpected opportunities to use my voice. The power of personal story telling cannot be underestimated and help to speak up on behalf of others whose voices are unheard. When travelling the road less travelled the most important story to tell, is the experience of travelling the road less travelled; life choices, experiences, the impact and what you learned along the way. This makes me real and authentic too.

Could I have done these things at HSBC of course. I might have to had compromise on a few things though. Would I have burnt out trying to squeeze it all in? Yes. It is literally impossible to travel down two different roads at the same, my life is no Sliding Doors and I will never know what would have happened had I taken a different path. I am not bound to stay on this road, but like the poem says…

 I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference”

I never had in my life plan running my own business, it was always a passing flight of fancy and in the too difficult pile if I am honest. I never thought of doing something I love and still learn from each day being something that would actually be my business. The decision to tread a new path was difficult and shaped by many things. Ironically the very same things which urged me to pick my feet up and begin the walk down the road less travelled.

But I never would have stayed on the new road if it was not for the experiences and guidance I received on the way. The old and new friends, fellow travellers and unexpected opportunities which came from those who saw me as more than good enough. All inspiring me to grab my own key and unlock my potential, giving me the strength to keep walking and lifting my wings when sometimes I didn’t have the belief or energy to lift them myself.

Key learns

The poem restricts the traveller to taking one path only and sticking to that choice. We are defined by the choices we make, and my biggest two lessons overall is simply this;

1. The freedom to choose. Freedom to choose and not be confined by one road but seeing that life is made up of many roads and we have the freedom to choose the paths that is right for us. The freedom to choose how we behave and treat others on the road we choose to walk.
2. There are many routes which can be taken to reach the same destination and unlock the potential within, and it is the difference it makes on us personally and those around us that has the most impact.

So go on take a road less travelled you don’t have to leave where you are, nothing that extreme, but simply leaving the old mindset, trying something new, allowing your mind to choose to explore possibilities and roam. This can be the smallest thing you do to have the biggest impact and enable you and others to be free to thrive.