Road Rage is Not for Everybody

I've been wanting to write about this for quite some time since our last road trip to Ohio last month. As the summer is well underway, many of us may find ourselves on the road. Whether with our families for a vacation, or maybe on our own for a business trip. We know the drill: packing our duffle bags or suitcases with all we'll need, filling up the gas tank full, a playlist or podcast put together ready to go, all the snacks and drinks we think we'll need, and GPS or whatever maps apps as we prepare to get to our next destination. Everything seems fine, you might have even gotten an early start to your day and out on the road before your original expected time. You are cruising now at a consistent speed somewhere between 60-70 MPH, everything seems fine, but then you start to notice the cars ahead of you are slowing down. Everybody hitting their brakes one by one...oh no, you're wondering now. "Why are we stopping?" Eventually, you come to a complete stop. You're now stuck in back-to-back traffic, moving at a snail's pace. You look down at your Maps app and it's gone from a pristine green to a solid red and maybe it's not you this time, but someone out there that's sharing the road with you is also "seeing red" but not the kind found on the app.

We've all been there, right? Whether waiting there on the highway as a recent accident gets cleared, or stalled vehicle on the side of the road, or like the situation we found ourselves in on this recent trip...waiting to make a left turn onto oncoming traffic in the heart of Chicago's city suburbs at the busiest times of the day. It's this latter point and example that I wish to examine more and my main point for this writing entry.

As the driver of a motor vehicle, you are responsible for not only the lives of those in the vehicle you are driving or riding, but you are also responsible for all others outside as well. 'Road rage' is a motorist's uncontrolled anger that is usually provoked by another motorist's irritating act and is expressed in aggressive or violent behavior. I'm pretty sure I'm not too far in assuming that each of us at some point since we've been given the official okay to drive or operate a motor vehicle have been guilty of some version of road rage ourselves. I'm totally guilty of this. Perhaps few of us reading this have actually gotten to the point where we want to cause harm to another person, but that initial upset or angered spark may be followed up with whatever action we choose to take. Even the passive-aggressive waving of the middle finger gesture and shouting of whatever four-letter word of your choosing, as the other driver passes by you, many times with your window rolled up I might add. So what is it that makes us feel compelled to react as such? What makes us feel like we have the right to cause harm verbal or physical towards another human being? What gave you the right? Who gave you that right?

Remember the scenario I shared a minute ago about sitting in the busyness of the Chicago street? I knew that I had already committed to making a left turn and though inside I felt like I made a mistake for choosing so, even before I could consider the option to turn right instead, even if it were to put us back a few minutes, the car behind me was honking its horn at me. The old me would have taken it personally and would have felt one of two things: Either guilty or bad that I had chosen to make a left turn and regret that I was now in this situation. Or two, feeling angry that the person behind me would even think about honking at me and pushing me to make a left turn onto oncoming traffic when I didn't feel ready. This was the "seeing red" I was talking about. At times like this, whether you are the driver like I was or you are the one that is waiting for me...how do you react?

If all my self-care, boxing and martial arts, yoga, meditation practice, and even cold-shower routines and rituals have prepared me to do, it was how to "remain calm in the chaos." There is a powerful peace that showers you when you've spent countless hours disciplining yourselves in putting yourselves in "uncomfortable" situations. Training the mind to let go and just be here in the moment without thinking much of anything. The monks I admire are masters at it. Everything outside of me was chaos. Loud streets, pedestrians walking, cars moving at different speeds, the cars behind me honking and most likely probably shouting, even the passengers in the car with me might be saying something in reaction to what's happening, but inside I'm calm, inside I know what I need to do. "No emotion!" As my coach Orpheus Black used to shout out loud during one of my first sparring sessions with a pretty darn great boxer friend. No emotion. I can be a very expressive and emotional person most of the time, I like to express how I'm feeling as openly and honestly, but I've also learned the benefits of training no emotion at the right times too. This was one of those needed times. Despite the chaos, despite the feelings I was feeling, I chose to remain calm and wait it out...wait til this moment had passed. I was somewhere between not ignoring what was happening and not caring what others were doing or saying, but still very present. Then without a flinch, I made my left turn, safely...we were back on the road, and all in one piece.

I could write and say so much more about this topic, but I'll end with this. Driving should be seen more as a privilege instead of taken for granted on a daily basis. Every time we get behind the wheel or saddle in on our bikes we should be more cognizant of not just ourselves but everyone else too. We need to see this process day in and day out as a community project and not so much as an individual destination we are trying to arrive at. We need to learn how to prioritize sharing the road. We need to CHOOSE LOVE above everything else. This isn't just about me, what I want, what I need, where I need to get to. This is also about everyone else. If we can't do that at the least, we are all in trouble.

These are my 7 tips for what to do the next time you find yourselves in such a situation:

1. Stay in your car.
2. Try to remain calm.
3. Breathe. Take deep breaths. In other words, get your body regulated.
4. Remind yourselves this moment will pass. You might be uncomfortable at the moment, but eventually, it will pass.
5. Remember it's not just about you and where you're trying to get to. There are other people who are trying to get to somewhere too.
6. Remember safety first. Above all else.
7. Don't take it personally.

If you are in need of learning more ways how you too can develop a practice to remain calm in the chaos. Send me a message and I'll see what I can do to help you. Thank you.

Be vulnerable, be you.