Road to Honor, Integrity, Courage

All men and women are judged by these words and concepts. Ultimately, when do we incorporate these words into our direct-action plan? The answer is simple. We need these values integrated directly into our actions when we feel on some level, that we face a challenge to those values. Today, like many days in our lives those words become tangible realities when our system says to us that which we have believed in is under threat. ?

It must be made clear here that words such as honor, integrity, and courage are ultimately matters of value judgments and perception that relate to the accumulation of views, ideas, and ultimately ideals. We must remember that they stand for action as well. We throughout our history have fought and died for these words. We must keep in mind that they are not just words for you, they are words that define your self-image, and self-concept. They define who you are, how you are, and what kind of person you really are, and what you will and will not tolerate.

I have long stated the basic belief which I’ve learned over all my life it is simple: if I cannot trust your yes, I cannot trust you’re no. It simply means your words are ultimately translated into tangible actions.

It’s not very hard to look around and see the threat to our values and our way of life. It is safe to say there is always an implicit threat to freedom. The primary question when this is a serious consideration is where, when, and from whom?

Honor:

Honor is generally based on discovery. And that discovery is when we are challenged and find out how much we are willing to stand up for. And what do we really believe in? What are we willing to do about it??Ultimately, honor is most closely changed on the words yes and no. Honor is hinged on the word “yes” because it helps to define who we are and what we are in so many ways.

Integrity:

Integrity is the fabric of character. When we speak about integrity and make physiological references to it we usually referred to the backbone of the person. Integrity is like a stoplight. It's something that we need to pay attention to if we don’t want to get into an accident. Integrity is something we need to incorporate tangibly and practically into our daily interactions with others. Lest we find ourselves standing or defending things we don’t really believe or even perhaps shouldn’t believe.

Integrity is my word of honor. It is how I stand, for what I stand, and what I will or will not stand for. It is a very dangerous word. So many people throughout our history have used that word to defend and defy words and deeds that challenge the core belief system within us all. It is one of those modifying words that we often use in defining not just ourselves but the people we admire, identify with, fight with and fight for.

Courage:

Courage is honor and integrity with wheels on it. Courage is action. It is what we will and will not do and under what circumstance. It is a word that often times is paired with action, reaction, and tangible behavior.

It is a word that is descriptive of action under the momentary, daily, or long-term challenges faced by people. It is an answer to the question operationally relating to what you will and will not do, and not tolerate.

Even when we strongly disagree with an individual or group we can respect their courage in their response to challenge perhaps even our challenge. This is true on an intellectual level as it is on the battlefield. Courage is directly related to action.

Courage is that moment when those feelings inside you advise you often to disregard or overlook common sense, good judgment, or simply danger. All of those words are simply a matter of perceptions about what we see. How we feel about what we see and ultimately what we are willing to do to be compliant with our own personal definition influences our behavior.

If you look at your daily actions somewhere during the day that you have lived or are living,?the words courage, honor, and integrity play an important role in your life and decision-making process. What we do, how we do it, and for what reasons we do what we do are connected to the words on integrity and courage.

If you think about it - your parents spend much of their time using these words in practical life experiences for you. I remember this so well!

My mother was a very beautiful woman, the kind you see in a beauty contest, men make remarks about, that elicits responses from men and women alike. One day in my teenage years one of my very good friends, who was not behaving like one at that moment, made an off-colored remark, regarding my mother and her looks. He was known by my crowd of friends as the toughest guy in the whole group. He knew it and he flaunted it with his remarks.

I was devastated, shocked, and deeply hurt by his comments. At that moment, for whatever reason, I did not react to him about his inappropriate comments.?

Later that afternoon when my father came home from work I told him what happened and how much I was hurt by those remarks.

I asked my father, what should I do about this? What he said to me really hurt me and moreover it was inappropriate and wrong. He looked up from his coffee, stared me straight in the eyes, and said, “Go deal with him directly and come back with your shield on.”

As a psychologist now, I look back at what advice I got from my father. It simply said, if your friend's remark was unacceptable don’t accept them! His message was clear, one I never forgot my whole life. It is a remark I pass along to clients regularly. When you accept the unacceptable you reinforce it. When we ask people to accept the unacceptable, we are telling the other person it is okay to do that to me.

Think about how much better off our world would be if the yes means yes and the no means no. Can you imagine how that would be in your interpersonal relationships and on an international level of diplomacy??

We would then focus primarily on our communication difficulties with others and on the word perceptions. Meaning practically, you have your view of what constitutes reality and I do too. What is inherent in that is the idea of differences. It doesn’t necessarily mean right or wrong it simply means differences in perception.

Context determines meaning and perception determines reality. Look at each other and our world and the conflicts we face today as a people on our beloved planet.

If we can remember a simple fact. We are guests here on this planet and like anybody who is a guest, it is our responsibility to be polite, open, and understanding, particularly to those people who don’t see the world the way we do.?

Seeking shelter in turbulent times may be common sense. However, when we as individuals or as a group run and hide in the face of conflict and consternation we limit our perceptual field and see less at a time when we need to see more! Perhaps at this time in our history with a world in an uproar, it might be a good idea to keep that in mind.

Our personal experience in life generally teaches us that openness begets openness. The converse is obviously true. It seems to me, that if we are going to find peace, love, and any kind of tranquility in our life and world, we need to find it first, within ourselves. It’s not easy being easy, but it’s a better way.

Barry A. Goodfield, Ph.D., LMFT, DABFM

www.goodfieldinstitute.com???????????????8/16/2021