The road to happiness

Until you can put your hand on your heart and say ‘I love you’ to yourself - you cannot love another to the fullest of your capacity nor can their love fill your heart.?

When you say the words ‘I love you’ (to any living being, from your mother to your hamster) you better make sure that you don’t mean it transactionally in any way.?

Life is a journey, it’s true. But what is also true is that the journey is twofold: external and internal journey. You have to marry them inside your heart before you make an unbreakable union of love with another soul, loving for the truth of who you are (not who you think you should be for somebody). And I am just going to tell you right off the bat that it is possible - not by my definition, not by your partner’s definition, but it’s possible by YOUR definition.?

Have you defined love for yourself and deciphered what makes you happy and have you taken the responsibility in the freedom you were born with to make yourself happy yet??

If not, what are you waiting for? If not, who did you assign with the duty of your happiness? If not, this may come as an unexpected message directly to you from the Highest Self through the words of another person - for as long as you give away the power of making yourself truly happy, you will not know the richness of life’s offering nor the capacity to touch and move with unconditional love.

But make no mistake: you will have to walk through pain to get to it. However you are meant to arrive at realisation of pure, unconditional love inside your heart - the pain will be real and it will be your most precious recognition (a scar that only you will know), and I promise you that once you are on the other side you would never EVER wish to have had a different path to where you are in the moment of realisation.?

Because of how that victory will feel, I am telling you now you have to find the courage to unravel?it. It doesn’t matter how old you are now, if you got one day or 40 years ahead of you - you have to live them your way. No one else gets to write your story. Free the people in your life to create their own happiness and then you can support each other in every way imaginable - knowing that each one is in charge of their own joy.?

The gift of my life has been unconditional love in not only the immediate but also the extended family. I have been surrounded by it from day one, but there was a period of my life where I struggled to fit all of who I am into my new life. It isn’t that I lived inauthentically, but I already knew there was this whole another level of my love, the depth and richness of which I was unable to express and translate because what was wanted was a good enough, average expression of love. I had so much more to give which was not wanted or understood, and no amount of expressing this was going to change the circumstances.?

I had my parents and my children and my brother and my entire blood family capable of expressing and receiving unconditional love, but the person who was supposed to be the closest wanted a toned-down version. He didn’t want all of me, and we couldn’t reconcile our differences on this point of closeness and intimacy of soul. With best efforts of trying many different avenues of working on this for eight years - our 15-year relationship couldn’t withstand the weight of the two basic requirements - to model a good example to our children and for both of us to be happy in this union.?

At 22, when I married my now ex-husband, I didn’t have the emotional maturity of that realisation that I owe myself love. Because I was always loved and was able to love back - I thought that loving each other was enough. But loving each other without loving ourselves first is a treacherous terrain to navigate, and it proved to be too much for us to manage. It was mutually understood (even though it wasn’t communicated at this stage) that we have failed to make each other happy and we focused, as we did so well in this, to do right by our children.?

The fact that our divorce was the most acrimonious process you can imagine (and I mean that without any exaggeration) is irrelevant, and I can absolutely tell you that the previous sentence stands as it was written.?

Now, by this time I hadn’t given up on the idea of being the right one and meeting a person who will resonate on a deeper level so that we can both experience the highest love in human form. (My thoughts from that time.)

For the first time, having to let go of the dream was devastating. I didn’t have any idea how much more intense letting go of the bigger dream will be devastating. But I am getting ahead of myself.?

I knew that the next time I love it will be the unconditional love I give and I promised myself I will hold myself to that standard. Because I couldn’t offer anything less if I wanted it to work forever.

We were best friends for six years. Both of us felt the strength and importance of our friendship, and the capacity to hold onto each other infinitely. No subject untouched. Two people who at the point of the meeting had been holding their breath to see a ray of light in their current situations. Two souls that selflessly and unconditionally held the space for each other to heal, grow, realise, and remember…. And it was a beautiful and tough journey. Because life challenged people close to us and we supported them but held on to each other and our friendship.

And in the same week, six years down the line - we both felt there is more to the truth inside our hearts. We decided to come clean with ‘my feelings for you are deeper’ conversation - on the same day!!! I talked with my good friend earlier that week and said when Shawn calls me on Friday I will have to be absolutely honest and say I love him (we had both spoken the words ‘I love you’ but it was understood and held in the realm of sacred friendship love). What I felt was more than that in every way and I owed him my truth because he always had my absolute truth.?

What I didn’t know was that he was discovering the same feelings and no sooner than we got to talk, he came out with his confession of love for me.?

Not that the previous six years weren’t magical, but from that moment there was nothing but magic for the next four years. And I don’t mean that we didn’t face difficult decisions, but we managed them together. It wasn’t us or our relationship that was causing the upset. Inside our bond, we would seek to define, share and be clear - and the instincts guided us through the love that we have for each other. Our friendship and our love were inseparable and everything felt like home.?

Trust me, dear friend, you wouldn’t be the only one who thinks we were a match made in heaven and that nothing could go wrong. And nothing did go wrong. But something did come up and we did part ways after 10 years as best friends (four of them as the love of each other’s life).

And here is the thing, the truth of it all:

We had to part, no other choice felt more right in that moment but for us to destroy the relationship to find our own way back to the wholeness of who we are.

We were aware of it, though - and that made it unbearably heartbreaking. We knew that holding on to each other at that point would have been two people using each other as a crutch - and we never did that before. We found ourselves at the point of no return. The friends inside us wanted to hold together, but that bigger part of us that loved each other knew that we had to completely let go and trust the universe and trust our love that once we find the way of loving ourselves first - things will work out for us. They cannot but work out. And whether that means life brings us back to each other or finding our own happiness leads us to someplace new - we chose to trust that we will be absolutely fine with it.?

And we released each other with love.

Remember when I wrote above: “I didn’t have an idea how much more intense letting go of the bigger dream will be devastating?” There is more to that thought - it was devastating and it felt like my heart was ripped out of my chest - but it was my liberation, the final coming home to understand who I was missing, and the exact experience I needed to heal myself, to complete myself….?

It wasn’t until this point of absolute heartbreak that I realised I have me and all the love I ever needed was reaching me from within my own being, from the source itself.?

Was it easy? Heck, NO, it wasn’t. It took more than two years, and in the toughest moments knowing I couldn’t reach for my best friend and he couldn’t reach for me - that was the agreement - I had to reach out for myself to be my best friend and offer me words of comfort and wisdom. And I slowly started to turn things around, and meet the real me. And then realise I love this person - I love who I am and appreciate that loving me is a full-time responsibility I owe God. ?

I did not seek to confide in friends and family who I know already would have given me their unconditional support. I knew that hearing the words that ‘Shawn wasn’t worth my love’ was not fair as it wasn’t true, because no one else but him is worth my love. He took me all the way back to myself, and I took him all the way back to himself - and that is the biggest gift anyone has ever given either me or him. We had to go our separate ways to really feel ourselves now in this new and complete light. That takes being so strong and understanding clearly your life’s assignment.?

Our love is real, and we have redefined ‘forever’. We just help each other in every lifetime to find a way back to our own souls. To understand what other person needs and to step out of the way so that they can achieve this for themselves is the highest connection between two souls. We have loved each other enough to set each other free, and that is when we knew we both loved each other unconditionally. We love and support each other in being happy, and we are in a union - no matter what. There is no separation, only now do we know it.

What you come to realise when you fully immerse yourself in this journey is that there is no right or wrong. You get to define it all for yourself. When you realise all of your discomfort is created by you - oh! - that’s an eye-opener. I had to learn that I could be a lot of things for myself. And I have never again expected anyone to love me more than I love me.?

Please read that last sentence again. And think about this: If you cannot be enough for yourself, and happy by yourself, and if you don’t love being with you - then what makes you think someone else will want to be with you??

We expect other people to love us more than we love ourselves. We expect other people to do the work for us!

We really need to wake up to this and own our happiness. I wouldn’t give up the experience that has led me to the happiest me. And even though I infinitely love other people who have shared this adventure with me - I owe this joyful state of being to the love and understanding and acceptance of the most important person, my only life partner. Me.

That’s the real talk for you and said with pure love.?

Bottom line: We have to be the thing that we are asking for. And if we can be it - we can create it.?

In my humble, yet extraordinarily deep and rich love experience, the ultimate love we want is not found in trapping a person to a vow. The pain Shawn’s leaving caused me was the pain I needed to survive to learn how to be happy. And knowing him, I am beyond positive that statement is true for him only with my name at the beginning of that sentence.?

I have never been happier in my life! Forever is our today. ;)?

P.S. Here is a little video in which I shared the above story (the subject lens was slightly different but the experience is the same): ??

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After all that is said and done - have you defined love for yourself and deciphered what makes you happy and have you taken the responsibility in the freedom you were born with to make yourself happy yet??

It's not as difficult as you think, and it's definitely worth your best effort. I help my clients to live their truth by looking deeply into the beliefs that are not serving them. This work is intense, but it only needs to be done once - and you get to live the rest of your life on your terms.

I have an offer for accomplished leaders who are really struggling to hit their next level. (Next level satisfaction, next level performance, next level contribution.) And what I am doing with them - this is not a strategy offer, it’s an offer where I look with them at their beliefs.

The first thing I do is look with them at what’s going on with their mental programming right now that is stopping them from reaching that next level. If they stopped obstructing the path to their own happiness, every other solution is at hand.

Second thing: I look with them at the actions they are taking right now - are they in alignment with where they want to go, and fine tuned into their unique life theme. I look with them at changing whatever belief that we found was stopping them.

And the third thing: I support them 1-1 (30 to 90 - this is a tailor-made approach) as they incorporate their new beliefs into their life and their business. AND in order to qualify for this offer, they must be somebody who knows/has a deep sense of compassion, inclusiveness, balance, and maturity, but ironically, they are suffering the consequences of their success. They must be somebody who knows pretty much the right actions to take, but they still feel stuck.

What is missing is human consciousness. Joy/fulfilment is not some elusive spiritual goal, but an integral component that is needed for any aspect of their life to unfold with ease. I am dedicated to empowering leaders to take charge of their own destinies. Wellbeing is an inside job.

More information about working with me can be found in the About section on my profile, and you can DM me if you are interested.

Have a great day! :)