The Risks of being too nice as a leader

Have you ever been told that you're too nice to be a leader or to be an effective leader?

This is a common misconception. And there's a significant difference between simply being nice and being kind, respectful, empathetic, understanding, and supportive.

If you embody these qualities, you can indeed be a highly effective leader.

However, there are times when being too nice, overly concerned about others' opinions, or fearing to upset them can hinder your leadership. This can prevent you from being taken seriously, protecting your boundaries, or addressing important and challenging topics.

In this week's YouTube video and newsletter, I'll share five common risks of being too nice and how these can negatively impact your leadership capabilities. But more importantly, I'll provide strategies to overcome these risks, ensuring you can lead effectively while being a kind leader.

5 Risks of being too nice as a Leader

Risks 1: Not Protecting Your Boundaries.

Allowing others to overstep your boundaries can lead to frustration, burnout, and resentment.

Strategies: Identify and clearly define your boundaries (time, space, possessions, values, etc.), communicate them firmly, and practice enforcing them. For example, if you want to protect your time in the evenings, you can say something like:

?? "My evenings are reserved for my family/ reserved for my exercise, and mental well-being. Therefore, I will be answering your emails tomorrow morning first thing."

Risk 2: Avoiding Conflict and Difficult Conversations.

Fearing conflict or what other people think can prevent you from voicing important opinions and feedback or addressing critical issues, leading to more significant problems.

Strategies: Reflect on critical issues you must address and start having those difficult conversations. Practice voicing your concerns confidently. For example, practice saying it out loud several times before you enter a conversation. (Here is a video that can help you with this)

Risk 3: Not Being Taken Seriously.

If we don't practice confidently sharing our opinions and speaking up, people will get used to talking over us, or they won't even learn that we have great ideas to share and contribute. Consequently, your brilliant ideas and important views are not being heard and are not being taken seriously.

Strategies: Practice speaking up, rehearse your points aloud, and repeat what you want to say if someone interrupts you. A great idea is to team up with a buddy in meetings to support you when interrupted. If necessary, address chronic interrupters directly.

Risk 4: Not Showing Up as Your Authentic Self.

Especially as new or emerging leaders, we might feel the need to be liked by everyone, which means that we might start wearing a mask or acting against our values.

But when you don't show up as your authentic self, your team won't get to know the real you; they will eventually see through the mask and won't trust you. Plus, wearing a mask can get really exhausting over time.

Strategies: Invest some time in understanding your values and strengths and use them more intentionally. Focusing on your strengths will make it much easier to embrace your weaknesses without trying to hide them. Show up as your authentic self to build genuine relationships and trust.

Risk 5: Struggling to Say No.

You might struggle to say no because you don't want to upset anyone or because you want to do an excellent job. So we say yes to everything and everyone.

As you know, saying yes to everything can overload you, reduce effectiveness, and lead to burnout.

You are the one who needs to protect your boundaries and say no. Nobody, no organization, no HR department, no other leader, will do it for you. You are in charge of your own time and of your boundaries.

Strategies: To practice saying no, refer to your boundaries in step 1 and start to understand what's important for you and where you want to push back. Practice polite but firm ways to decline requests that don't align with your priorities.

Here are a few examples:

?? "Thanks for your request, but that's not something I can fit into my schedule right now."

?? "Thank you so much. This sounds really interesting. However, it does not align with my priorities at this stage."

?? "Hey, I would love to support you with this and be there for you, but I can't do it today because I have an urgent deadline. However, let's grab coffee tomorrow morning, and then I would love to listen and provide my support."

Remember, you can be clear and kind by stating your boundaries, providing feedback, and staying true to yourself. Clear communication of your limits is actually kinder, as it sets expectations and helps others interact with you more effectively.

If you found these insights helpful, you might also want to check out this video on how to leverage your strengths as an introverted leader.

Watch the full video for more detailed insights on this week's topic: