The Risk of Standardised Screening & Risk Assessments for Coercive?Control

Originally Published on Dec 11, 2021

The Risk of Standardised Screening & Risk Assessments for Coercive?Control

Coercive control as a course of conduct in domestic abuse is still not well understood, despite the great work of Evan Stark, Jess Hill, and others.

It’s certainly hit the media; catching the attention of everyone with the horrific statistic of at least one woman being killed by a current or former intimate partner every week in Australia.

The sector has even developed various questions to use in assessing domestic abuse from a coercively controlling perspective.

When a victim presents to a service, it has been common practice to screen for DV by asking questions on a range of topics to draw out experiences that could be indicative of a DV matter requiring closer attention.

If the screening process highlights any DV, the practitioner should be highlighting the need for a risk assessment and act accordingly. Each service will have it’s own processes and protocols, but a risk assessment is a standard tool these days and should not be treated as an exception.

I discuss the formal screening and risk assessment processes here, because in my situation, I presented four times to the Orange Door in Victoria during 2019, and a risk assessment was never done.

Without a risk assessment, there is no comprehensive unpacking and documenting of the abuse, its impact, and what needs to be put in place or implemented to keep a victim safe.

It took 11 months before I was formally identified as a victim of domestic abuse; such a high level that once identified, things swung into action fast – just not fast enough to stop the suicidal compulsion borne out of fear and crushing hopelessness from my circumstances, or avert the harm caused by my perpetrators calculated, and premeditated acts resulting in my homelessness and destitution in late 2019.

I want my lived experience as an invisible victim of every jurisdiction to have some benefit to the DV sector as a whole in identifying those of us who are square pegs in a system designed for victims who fit into the neat round holes set by those who determine the screening and risk assessment questions and modelling.

Various Risk Assessment & Screening Question?Models

Australian Government Department of Health

• Within the last year, have you (ever) been hit, slapped or hurt in other ways by your partner or ex-partner? OR (In the last year,) has (your partner or) someone in your family or household ever pushed, hit, kicked, punched or otherwise hurt you?
• Are you (ever) afraid of your partner or ex-partner (or someone in your family)?
• (In the last year) has (your partner or) someone in your family or household ever (often) put you down, humiliated you or tried to control what you can or cannot do?
• (In the last year), has your partner or ex-partner (ever hurt or) threatened to hurt you (in any way)?
• Would you like help with any of this now?
• Are you safe to go home when you leave here?8

MARAM

The Victorian Family Violence Multi-Agency Risk Assessment and Management Framework (MARAM) basic risk screening and identifying questions:

• Has anyone in your family done something that made you or your children feel unsafe or afraid?
• (Are there multiple perpetrators?)
• Have they controlled your day-to-day activities (e.g. who you see, where you go) or put you down?
• Have they threatened to hurt you in any way?
• Have they physically hurt you in any way? (hit, slapped, kicked or otherwise physically hurt you)
• Do you have any immediate concerns about the safety of your children or someone else in your family?
• Do you feel safe to leave here today?
• Would you engage with a trusted person or police if you felt unsafe or in danger?

A Coercive Control Checklist From Moving Forward

https://www.movingforward.org.au/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/ENGLISH_Coercive_Control_Brochure.pdf

Is there someone in your life who:

• Makes you feel afraid?
• Controls what you do and say?
• Puts you down or embarrasses you?
• Accuses you of flirting or cheating?
• Pressures or forces you to do sexual things?
• Threatens to hurt you, themselves, friends or family
• Constantly checking your phone and location?
• Limits your access to money?

Any of the actions above may be signs of coercive control and domestic abuse.

If you answered yes to any of these or recognise that you use these behaviours you are likely to be in an unhealthy relationship.

The Danger Of Standardised Screening & Risk Assessment

Standardised screening and risk assessment protocols work when the practitioner is interviewing a ‘standard victim of standard abuse.’

The questions serve to reinforce, and cement, how coercive control looks, and manifests, and determines how society, support services, and the government sectors engage with victims.

If you are a victim who cannot tick the boxes and give neat answers to the questions asked, then you will fall through the cracks as I did, and other victims do.

The latest app seeking to assist teenagers to understand what coercive control looks like uses this standardised approach which only catches the overt, extreme, fits a definite profile presentation of coercive control.

I did the relationship quiz.

The results should apply equally regardless, right?

It should catch abuse, right?

Wrong.

My answers didn’t bring up any alert because only the ‘right kind of abuse’ is caught by these standardised models.

There is no way I was in a healthy relationship, yet Love and Learn would have me believe that I am safe, and not in a toxic relationship.

There is a better way. I’ve lived it, and I’m going to suggest it here.

A Better Way…

What if, as well as asking the standardised questions, the following were asked…

Is there someone in your life who:

1. Scares you, but always apologises afterwards?
2. Doesn’t mean to make you feel afraid or scared?
3. Doesn’t hit you, but might make you feel as if they could, or are holding back?
4. Tells you how restrained they are in how they deal with you?
5. Yells at you in private, but never in public?
6. Made it so uncomfortable or unpleasant at times that your friends (or clients, colleagues, employees etc) have apologised to you for getting you in trouble?
7. Made it clear that passive aggression is better than acting out?
8. Tells everyone how proud they are of you while privately criticising?
9. Makes you feel as if you should be humble, like them
10. Praises you publicly?
11. Doesn’t call you by your first name?
12. Calls you babe, honey, darling all the time?
13. Calls their exes something other than their real name?
14. Do they say things like ‘well, what do you want me to do?’ or ‘Do you want me to cancel?’
15. Do they make you feel as if you have to fact check everything they tell you?
16. Do they consistently lie to you either directly or by omission?
17. Do they make you feel guilty for not believing what they tell you?
18. Do they constantly apologise and promise to do better?
19. Do their apologies or remorse feel genuine?
20. Have they ever embarrassed you in front of others?
21. Have they ever sabotaged a job, or a project?
22. Do they say ‘sorry, I forgot’ a lot?
23. Do they forget things you have explained again, and again?
24. Do they flirt with others even though they know it hurts you?
25. If you’ve asked them to stop doing something that affects you, have they stopped doing it – or did it take a long time before they got it?
26. Do you find yourself doing most of the relationship work, and being responsible for everything?
27. Are you responsible for all the financial bill paying, making sure there is enough money for food and fuel?
28. Do you have to remember every bill and when it has to be paid?
29. Is it up to you to remember everything that needs to be done?
30. Does your partner contribute to the emotional load of the relationship?
31. Does your partner put your clothes away?
32. Does your partner know where you put different clothes away, such as underwear?
33. If your partner puts the clean clothes away does he put his away, leaving yours for you to do?
34. If you put clean clothes away do you put everyones clothes away?
35. Do you feel as if you can’t say no to sex with them?
36. Do they make you feel as if you are being prudish, or not adventurous enough for them?
37. Do they ask you to do sexual things you don’t want to do?
38. If you say no to anything are their consequences?
39. Does your partner scream and yell at you in the car?
40. Does your partner scream and yell at you at home or elsewhere?
41. Has your partner ever made you feel as if everything is your fault?
42. Do you feel as if you can’t do anything right?
43. Does your partner run hot and cold with affection?
44. Do you have to beg or ask for affection from your partner?
45. Does your partner ration the affection they give you?
46. Does it feel as if your partner is using affection to bring you into line?
47. Does affection or intimacy feel like a weapon?
48. Have you ever run away from your partner?
49. Have you ever told anyone that you were afraid of your partner?
50. Does your partner get angry if you check up on where they are?
51. Have you ever been called jealous, possessive, suspicious, controlling or abusive by a partner?
52. Does your partner have lots of exes you never meet?
53. Does your partner tell you that his family or friends don’t like you?
54. Has your partner threatened to leave you, but still stays
55. Does your partner say things like ‘don’t make me choose my family (or whatever) over you, because you know I’ll choose them.’
56. Has your partner ever said ‘If I can’t have you, no one will’?
57. Does your partner sabotage weight loss efforts by buying biscuits, or convincing you he likes you just the way you are?
58. Does your partner compare you to other women you know, or to women on porn sites?
59. If you are out with your partner and they meet someone, do they introduce you?
60. Does your partner give you the same gift for every birthday / christmas?
61. Does your partner choose others over you?
62. Does your partner have to ‘shout everyone’ at dinner?Does your partner find it impossible to say no to others?
63. Does your partner seem to need constant reassurance and affection from you?
64. Does your partner put you down sexually?
65. Does your partner act like a child instead of an adult?
66. Does your partner leave everything for you to do, or manage, and then complain about your ‘controlling behaviours’ to others?
67. Does your partner tell others that you are controlling?
68. Has your partner withdrawn financial support?
69. Has your partner ever strangled you – whether consensually or not?
70. Has your partner ever strangled any other woman?
71. Does your partner need sex every day?
72. Has your partner ever told you they get their intimacy needs met from sex?
73. Does having sex calm your partner down?
74. Do you find yourself having sex just to get it over and done with?
75. Do you find yourself having sex to avoid the consequences of saying no?
76. Do you have sex even though you don’t want to?
77. Does your partner make you feel that their sexual requests are normal and your attitude is not normal?
78. Does your partner ever suggest you have sex with another person while they are there?
79. Does your partner masturbate in front of you?
80. Does your partner make you feel bad if you don’t let them masturbate or do other acts if they tell you they need it if you won’t have sex with them?
81. Has anyone suggested to you that sex helps calm them down so they can control their anger?
82. Do you ever feel as if you are the only one doing any of the work in the relationship?
83. Does your partner say things to make you feel good, and then not follow through with them?
84. Does your partner promise to ‘do whatever it takes’ but then just doesn’t do anything?
85. Are you responsible for everything?
86. Are you the one who has to say no to friends and family all the time?
87. Are you the one who has to always be the ‘negative nelly’ when your partner wants to stay out all night, or do things that impact both of you the next day?
88. Does your partner lack consideration when it comes to your needs?
89. Does your partner do things that impact your health in any way?
90. Has your partner ever denied your health, or other issues to others?
91. Have you ever been left to make your own way to hospital?
92. Does your partner look good to others but treats you badly?
93. Do people see your partner differently to how he is at home?
94. Does it feel as if your partner is more concerned with how others see him?
95. Does your partner text and call female colleagues or friends, at inappropriate times?
96. Does your partner encourage others to engage with him in similarly inappropriate ways?
97. Does your partner act in offensive ways in public and tell you it’s just ‘kidding around’?
98. Does your partner act in ways that are more like a teenager than an adult?
99. Does your partner take risks that he doesn’t understand or accept?
100. Does it feel as if your partner lives in a consequence free zone?
101. Does your partner behave as if the normal rules of society don’t apply to him?
102. Does your partner ignore speed limits or parking restrictions?
103. Has your partner left you in debt?
104. Has your partner used a vehicle in your name to collect parking and speeding tickets?
105. Does your partner spend money as if they will always have it?
106. Does your partner refuse to work with you on any kind of financial budget?
107. Does your partner make it impossible to budget?
108. Have you ever found yourself giving in and just forgetting about trying to manage a budget?
109. Has it ever become easier to just give in to your partner?
110. Does your partner go from happy to angry in a heartbeat?
111. Does your partner behave one way in public, and another in private?