Rising Above Self-Doubt

I am my own problem, and also my own solution. We all are.

That’s great news!

The main force that limits your success is likely to be yourself. It’s important to discover what things are holding you back from achieving the success you want. Each of us deals with many reasons why we hold ourselves back - where our self-doubt surfaces. For each person, some reasons may be stronger or more dominant than others.

The great news is that, if you are your problem, you are also your solution!

The sooner you recognize what your Achilles heel is, the sooner you can correct it and move on to achieving everything you have ever wanted to achieve. Here are some of the most common ways people hold themselves back, and what you can do about them.

Settling for Less. This happens when you set a goal, almost reach that goal, and decide that what you ended up with is “good enough.” You convince yourself that, even though you didn’t reach the goal you originally set for yourself, it’s OK. You’ve worked hard “enough” and the result you ended up with was good “enough” and so you settle.

Why are you settling for less when you are perfectly capable of reaching your goals? The little bit that you keep stopping short of may be the very thing that consistently puts your sales numbers over the top for that month, gets you the promotion, or allows you to check that goal off the list and start a whole new one!

Instead of being satisfied by less than what you really wanted, work to push through and achieve the goal you originally set out for yourself. When you are 90% there, that last 10% is often easy...and the results will propel you forward more than you can imagine.

Avoiding Resignation. This happens when you convince yourself that whatever you were trying to achieve wasn’t going to happen anyway. You decide that it won’t make a difference even if you put your best foot forward. You may be doing this if you find yourself saying things like:

“I’m not going to bother calling these leads. They weren't that good anyway.”

“I might as well not go. No one I know is going to be there.”

“I’m going to skip that event, I’m sure no one will be interested in my services.”

“Even if I get that account, it will be too much work for me right now.”

It is important to have confidence in your skills and in your business that things will work out and that you will find success.

Not Managing Perfectionism and Procrastination. Being a perfectionist is something that inhibits people from achieving their goals. By the way, this is my Achilles heel. I decide I want to do something, but before I jump into it, I think of all the things I need to do first to make it perfect. If, instead of sitting down and making calls, you have to first make a spreadsheet, go to the store and get highlighters, and make files, you are probably a perfectionist. Spending too much unnecessary time preparing for the action instead of just taking the action can hold you back and waste a lot of time.

As if perfectionism by itself wasn’t enough to derail your goals, it almost always leads to procrastination. It took me a long time to realize that perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand. Even though I had never considered myself a procrastinator, my perfectionism caused me to procrastinate. When I finally came to that realization, I had to let it go, because I did not want to be a procrastinator or feel that I had the inability to stay on task.

While I have not yet overcome this shortcoming completely, when I catch myself saying or thinking, “I first need to do this…,” I force myself to start digging into the task at hand.

Using Denial. It’s in our nature to want everything to be fine, so denial functions as a gloss over the harsh realities of life. When we ignore or refuse to believe what’s going on around and within us, denial creeps into our lives.

Denial is refusing to accept reality or a situation for what it is. As a self-sabotage strategy, denial operates very much to our detriment. The more you fear you don’t deserve something you want, the more denial you have to use.

Here are some examples of denial:

• I eat pretty healthy most of the time - I don’t know why I can’t lose weight.
• I didn’t want to earn that incentive trip. We’re going to be going on a really great family vacation anyway.
• It’s okay if I don’t hit my numbers next month - if it's meant to be, it will happen.

People who suffer from denial convince themselves they have done everything they could do to get a good or positive outcome, when in fact they may be too afraid to try everything. They also deny that they ever wanted something in the first place, so they can try and avoid disappointment or the fear of failure.

Here’s the bottom line - YOU are in charge of your business. You need to decide to take the steps to achieving your goals and not let your fears get in the way of your success.

Blaming Others. Blaming or projecting is maintaining that the responsibility for the behavior lies somewhere else, not with you. You don’t deny the behavior, but you place it somewhere “out there” not within yourself. You see this all the time; people are so quick to blame anyone else they can for the mistakes and actions they’ve made themselves:

• If my leader was more supportive, I would be better.
• If my spouse or partner supported me, I would succeed.
• I was never trained properly.
• Times are tough right now, people don’t have enough money to purchase my product.

Take responsibility for what you ARE in control of. Don’t fret about what products you don’t have and focus on what you do have in inventory. You can sell right now IF you take control of what you have. The truth is, you can find a solution!

Not Taking Risks. Fear is usually the fear of the unknown. People can get paralyzed if they don’t know what the outcome will be. Part of getting over fear is realizing that you aren’t going to know the outcome until you jump in and try!

This is where being solution-oriented comes in handy. The more solution-oriented you are, the more likely you are to take risks. Why? Because you know, at the end of the day, you will be able to find a solution. You need to begin telling yourself, “No matter what happens today, I am going to figure out a way.”

One of the things I always do if I really find myself in fear of moving forward or taking a risk is to make a list of pros and cons. I look at what would be the absolute worst thing possible that could happen, and what would be the best thing possible. Most of the time, the best thing far outweighs the worst thing! But if I look at the worst and ask myself, “Can I live with that? Can I change that?” and my answer is “Yes,” I move forward.

Comparing Yourself to Others. Many people sabotage their success by comparing themselves to others. Get clear on what YOUR picture of success looks like. Remind yourself that you define what success looks like for you and then do what it takes you to get there. You cannot compare your success to someone else’s, just like you can’t compare the beginning of your journey to that of someone who has been doing what you want to do for years. They were exactly where you were once! The reason they are not there anymore is because they did what they needed to do to keep moving forward.

Don’t waste your time obsessing about what someone else is doing. Stay focused on what YOUR goal is. When you haven’t defined what your own picture of success looks like, you can easily fall prey to comparing yourself with others.

A great way to not compare yourself to others and keep a positive attitude is to have an attitude of gratitude. Always stay focused on what you have and what you are capable of doing. Write down all the good things in your life. Celebrate them!  List the things you are grateful for. Celebrate them! Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, refocus on what you do have, and you will realize that you already have what you need to be successful.

Self-doubt has probably derailed more peoples’ success than anything else. You can have the ‘right’ tools, the ‘right’ training, and the ‘right’ drive, but if you are holding yourself back with one of the common habits above, you will not reach your potential. There’s never going to be a time in your life when you don’t have self-doubt. The sooner you can recognize where it comes from, the sooner you will be able to move away from it.

If you recognize yourself anywhere on this list, take heart...most successful people start with one or more of these things, too. What is important for you to know is that, if you don’t leave those things at the door at some point, you may very well end up short of your goals.