The Rise of Anticipatory Grief During The Pandemic

The most common understanding of grief is the intense sorrow, misery and sadness after the death of a loved one. An alternative definition for grief could be the unbearable emotional pain caused by losing a loved one where coping is considered to be burdensome. Although these feelings and emotions occur post-death, they can be experienced prior to death, such as among the dying and terminally ill, where one anticipates loss and sorrow, hence ‘Anticipatory Grief’. Not everyone experiences it, but those who do are in great need of talking to someone. People who experience feelings of loss, guilt, shame, anger, anxiety and depression during this phase, i.e., before the death of a loved one (carer), or before death (the terminally ill) may find it extremely difficult to cope. Additionally, this grief has been very common throughout the pandemic with the massive death toll due to being infected with the coronavirus. Seeing their family members, friends, colleagues and others pass has brought discomfort and a struggle to move on.

What is Anticipatory Grief?

Anticipatory grief is experienced when the person with a terminal condition is still alive and the one experiencing the grief, such as a carer or the dying, feels devastated, guilty, shameful, anxious, angry, and depressed. It is as if the terminally ill have lost their souls and their loved ones have lost them already after being informed about their heartbreaking condition. Many during this phase are in complete denial, if not partially. We all know that our lives will end one day, but with terminal illnesses such as cancer, it feels as though your life has ended or is severely deteriorating and your quality of life has been snatched away from you.?

Symptoms of Anticipatory Grief

The emotions that people have when experiencing anticipatory grief may vary from person to person. Symptoms may include being intensely preoccupied with the dying loved one, emotionally distressed, tearful, lonely, irritable, socially withdrawn, fearful, worried, worthless, and anhedonic.?

Anticipatory Grief during the Pandemic

Every year around 60 million people die a year, according to The World Counts. Despite that, the death toll of COVID-19 is a tenth of that number, the fact that millions of people died in a short timeframe led to the assumption that if a person is ill whether infected with covid or any other illness, it means that this might be their end, therefore experiencing anticipatory grief. At a time of isolation, lockdowns, and banning social gatherings, bereaved families have felt more in distress not having social support around them. This resulted in condolences being sent via text messages and phone calls then your usual funeral visits. Regardless of whether some parts of the world are individualists or collectivists, as human beings, we all struggle with being on our own and require a level of social connectedness to help us feel that we are not alone.?

Coping with Anticipatory Grief

It may be a burdensome feeling seeing a loved one in a dying situation, but there are ways you can cope. The first is to consider self-care. The thoughts and emotions you are experiencing can definitely make you feel overwhelmed and eventually affect your sleep. They can also disrupt your daily routine and activities which leads to more stress. Self-care is about getting sufficient time to take care of yourself, getting a good quality of sleep, exercising, having a balanced diet, meditation, journaling, and perhaps reading as well as other self-care techniques. The second is social connectivity. Speaking to people you trust opening up to them about how you feel. Venting can help reduce the load off your shoulders and make you feel less emotionally heavy. The third is to speak to a mental health professional who can help you manage and cope with the struggles you are enduring and also help you build a problem-solving outlook.?

Knowing that you are about to lose someone will never be an easy process to sync in your mind, but embracing it and cherishing every moment before death can help you feel less guilty and remorseful.