The Ripples of Suicide

Suicide is no different than throwing a pebble in a still lake. It's ripples go on and on and on.

The American Journal of Public Health reports that more Americans die by suicide than in car crashes, homicide or other injury related deaths.

(note I said die "BY" suicide, not "COMMITED" suicide) - this phrase MATTERS.

These ripple effects not only impact the humans who died, but also those who they left behind; their families, friends and yes their co-workers, clients and even vendors. Furthermore these ripple effects can linger on; often forever.

Because the effects of suicide linger for a lifetime those who were impacted by and are survivors of suicide are very easily triggered when it happens again - even with a total stranger.

The suicide survivor club is a membership NONE of us ever wanted or wants for another. When we find ourselves thrown forcefully into this club we struggle because often this club is hidden in darkness. No one talks about this club. No one admits they are a member. Despite being in this club members STILL feel isolated and alone.

The pre-requisite to this membership is not necessarily to be a survivor of successful death by suicide. Membership also includes those who survive unsuccessful attempts too.

Nevertheless this club is the most difficult, the most secretive, the most isolating and lonely club I have ever been a part of. My membership into this club started as an 8 year old child. My own mother who struggled with mental health had made many unsuccessful attempts to die by suicide which gave me an immediate entry into this Suicide Survivors Club.

At 8 years old I had NO idea what this meant; being a member of this club. All I knew was life as I had known it was and would be forever altered. All I felt was the trauma; the ripple emotional effects of being a suicide survivor. I also had NO idea that being a member of this undesired club would be part of the foundational building blocks of my life that set me on a path to not only weather the entry to this club but also navigate a successful death by suicide decades later.

October 2003 the resilience I learned by my early membership into the suicide survivors club positioned me to navigate the single most impactful event of my life - the death by suicide of my father.

My father by choice not genetics I met when I was just 10 years old - a mere 2 years after entry into this undesirable club. He was literally the human who healed my soul, taught me how to take those traumatic events and use them for good; for myself and for others. To use those traumatic early events to build greater resiliency and not become victim to them.

Lock step this man took a broken 10 year old girl and provided fatherly guidance I was missing. This same man took a broken 16 year old girl, 6 years later and provided the guardrails and often the punishment that goes alongside with breaking guardrails. He took me under his wing and taught me the family business and grilled me on real estate legal terms at the dinner table; which at the time I hated but now are my most fond memories.

This same person when at 21 ashamed, broken and uncertain I came to him to tell him he would be a "papa" enveloped me and told me how much he cared and couldn't wait. That nothing in the world I could do would change how he felt about me.... a daughter by choice.

He was kind, generous. He was firm and man could he hold a grudge better than anyone I ever met. He would give the shirt off his back to a total stranger - proven each time he would pull over on the highway to help someone in need. He had the BEST laugh in the world - it was infectious. He was a giant - tall, round belly and at first glance intimidating. But he was also the same person when I put each of my babies in his giant arms would melt like a snowman in July.

He was also suffering tremendous mental health issues in silence for years.

I will never ever forget that call. It has burned into my memory no different than a rancher who brands their cattle - permanent. I didn't know then but the membership I gained at 8 years old helped me navigate those early years after his death. It wasn't easy but like so many others - I survived; I continue to survive.

Mental health, depression and the traumatic impact being a survivor of suicide and a member of this undesirable club became the literal framework of my foundation. At 47 years old I recall very little of my life prior to being 8 and know depression, mental health issues like they are part of my literal DNA. The resilience my 8 year old little body learned many should never have to ever learn but it allowed me to live a life ready and able to not only weather storms but also help others weather theirs.

Here's the thing with being in this club, you can never withdraw your membership. It's lifelong. Also, the trauma of entry into this club never ever goes away and with each death by suicide, with each attempted death by suicide wether we know the person or not - opens wounds and forces us to relive our own traumatic entry - over and over and over. Just like the ripples on a lake.

As a Workplace Strategists Health, Wellness and Wellbeing are the cornerstone of every single workplace strategy and if they are not, they need to be - get to work. NOW. If you don't know how or where to start - hire someone. NOW. It's too important.

When there's a suicide that impacts the workplace aside from the incredibly immense human costs there is often a decrease in productivity, escalated feelings of grief or guilt and trauma that must be recognized.

For those asking.....yes EVERY suicide impacts wether it's an employee or a family member or a stranger - because you have NO IDEA who is a member of this undesirable club.

This week we lost another high profile "celebrity" to suicide.

Your employees may be triggered - be watchful and supportive. It matters to them, to everyone.

We often focus so much on the tactical parts of a workplace - and lately that is the nonsense of "hybrid" or how many days in an office an employee should be there... stop it. Unless your Culture is ROCK SOLID. Unless your Wellness and Wellbeing programs are ROCK SOLID stop talking about # of days in an office and start talking about what really matters.

Many times workplaces lack robust policies, procedures and support mechanisms to help those who are struggling and when a traumatic event like suicide happens employers end up paralyzed, like a deer in headlights.

NOW is the time to look at your internal health and wellness programs and ask yourself - is your organization prepared to handle the trauma of suicide or any trauma for that matter?

Mental Health, Wellness and Wellbeing are bedrocks, foundational. They are part of my DNA wether I wanted them to be or not. We have to destigmatize mental health & suicide.

When approximately 800,000 humans die by suicide each year and many many more attempt unsuccessfully to die by suicide this is a massive society problem.

The majority of adults spend more than 1/2 their lives at work the workplace MUST provide opportunities to employees that support prevention and other mental health and wellness challenges employees face.

The World Health Organization is quoted "There is compelling evidence indicating that adequate prevention and treatment of depression, alcohol an substance abuse can reduce suicide rates."

HARD STOP.

Destigmatize mental health issues in the workplace. Provide an environment where employees do not have to hide their struggles.

Provide access to treatment. Allow employees to get the help they need without fear of retaliation, judgement or even job loss.

Handle workplace stress and anxiety. Provide a workplace that supports inclusion, diversity, equity. A workplace that is cohesive and has a clear sense of community and purpose.

Provide training to management and employees so they know the warning signs and how to help struggling employees.

Death by Suicide and entry into the survivor club impacts us all. I for one despite being a lifelong member would prefer we eliminate or greatly reduce the number of new members each year - but I can't do it alone. It takes all of us to reduce these membership rates.

This responsibility lies with our society as a whole; individuals, employers and organizations.

Please look at your employees this week, your friends, your family - on the heels of a public figure's death by suicide - many of us may be struggling. Then look at your workplaces and ask yourself - are we prepared to support our employees through a traumatic event like suicide and if not - stop talking about the # of damn days in an office an start talking about your health and wellbeing programs.

It matters.