Ripples . . . It's About the Ties That Bind

As the New Year begins, I find myself in a very reflective place. That's probably in response to all of the "certain uncertainty" of what lies ahead for my community and the LGBTQ+ community writ large. Since the election I have wailed and gnashed my teeth, I have openly and uncontrollably sobbed on several occasions, and I have lost sleep over what steps one needs to take to repatriate to another country. I have gone through all the stages of grief (I think!) and have emerged from the heartache and the malaise with what I hope is a more clear-eyed perspective of the days ahead.

And it is simply this: we NEED each other. No, make that we REALLY NEED each other.

But I'm not talking about our allies here. Yes, of course, we need our allies - more so now than ever. And I have previously written in this space about the need for "radical allyship," but in this instance, I am looking inward - within the LGBTQ+ community. I have kicked around in the Movement long enough to feel the pain of all the false promises of "we'll come back for you," or worse yet, the times when I heard very well-intentioned fellow activists say to me, "but they just don't understand you" as if that was the sole reason for leaving trans people behind. The harsh reality is that my community has been a convenient punching bag for far too long. We are the easiest to neglect. We look different. Apparently, we are the proverbial bridge too far for some. Oh, if only those trans people would just go away. What?! But now, it's even gone far beyond that. We have somehow arrived at the tip of the culture war spear, and it's pretty dark and pretty scary out here on the bleeding edge of society for the youngest in my cohort who are the least able to defend themselves against the onslaught of hate.

So, what happens next? In just about every talk or training that I have ever done, I finish with a story, a visualization really, about the ripples that are created when a rain shower begins to fall on a perfectly still mountain lake. Each drop of rain represents an ally, a person who understands that the word is a verb and embraces "teaching moments" in or out of the workplace. As each drop hits the water a ripple radiates outward, and as more active allies step up (Allies with a capital "A," that is) more ripples are created, one after another, until the once glass-like lake is turbulent with intersecting ripples - and that's how movements are created and sustained.

As I reflect on that story and the road that lies ahead for the transgender community (and for everyone in the LGBTQ+ space) I can't help but think there's more to it than that. We have to go deeper - today's times loudly call for it. Context really does matter.

The threat that is staring us all in the face which will become a reality in a little more than two weeks, cries out for a greater sense of urgency and stronger bonds between us all. Renewed strength and a renewed commitment - not just to the "cause" but to each other. Because the simple truth is that NO ONE is immune from the hate, the vitriol, and the cancellation. If we do not have each other (and each other's backs) then what do we really have? A loose collection of voices shouting in the darkness will not get the job done, especially against what we all fear is coming at us.

We cannot let our differences, whatever they are, define us as a larger LGBTQ+ community. Of course, we all "look" different, but the reality, in my view, is that we have more in common than we perhaps realize - or are willing to admit. All of us of a certain generation or two know all about the closet. We all, in one way or another, are on a continuous journey to our authentic selves. We all want to live our best life. Standing up and supporting ALL of our community doesn't somehow "de-position" a sub-section of our community. This is not, nor has it ever been a zero-sum game. When we lift up one group, we lift up the entire collective. Now is the time to lean in hard to our interconnectedness.

So, what do we do? For starters, try these: mutual respect, authentic intent, acknowledging and respecting our differences, being mindful in our communication/language with one another, meeting each other where we are, and acknowledging the journey each one of us is on to our authentic self. And to be brutally honest here, wouldn't you do these things already?

Today's times cry out for nothing less than the best versions of ourselves. My hope - and yes, I still do have it, is that these very human actions can serve as the mortar that cements in place the building blocks of a new, more unified, and committed movement - because we need each other now more than ever. And if we don’t have each other, then what do we really have?