RIP DELE! Depression is REAL but somehow I overcame it, my own struggles to be free can help you too

*Some days ago, a fine man was declared missing on Social Media by name Dele Bandele, few days later, he was found dead – he had committed suicide.*

I have read through thousands of opinions, positions, and views since the death of this young man was announced and somehow, I am riled by the display of ignorance expressed by thousands or millions of folks on social media.

I will share a personal perspective – I barely talk about my personal life in social or even private gatherings, I NEVER EVER DO. I keep whatever is going on in my life in my HEAD but I will share this never-told perspective so we understand why people commit suicide and maybe it will help Mental Health specialists and Psychologists understand better what goes on in the heads of those who are depressed.

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Several years ago, I was in a state of depression – my depression lasted about a year, I will not get into the details of what led me there but somehow, I was broken, I had no physical or emotional breakdown and I kept a strong jovial and joyful public persona but psychologically, I was broken, downcast and I had checked out of life – now this is where it gets real.

I started contemplating SUICIDE so I bought the necessary ingredients to make it happen, I was living alone then so it was very easy to achieve – every day, whenever I was stressed, felt bad or down cast, I will go to my quiet place which was romancing my thoughts on committing suicide, for every pain, disappointment, rejections, and failures - thinking about suicide, imaging the peace it would give me made my zeal to commit suicide even stronger, somehow once I started thinking about it, I would have peace, be comforted and get a little more energy to continue living, I cannot count the number of times I sat looking at the substance I had bought and kept it with me for almost a year, always thinking of how I wanted to check-out once It was time, trust me, at this time, once people begin to find comfort and peace in suicidal thoughts, it only takes the GRACE OF GOD to bring that person back to life. I knew I was a smiling living corpse for almost a year because I had lost my confidence or desire to perspire for anything. No one around me knew what was going on in my head, no one asked and I did not bother to tell anyone, I always wondered around my quiet neighborhood and took long hard looks at those cool places as I assumed it might be my last time seeing them, I knew my problem was not spiritual, it was just the state of mind I had conditioned my heart to every day for almost a year so somehow, I had found peace in dying prematurely. Depressed people don’t account for their loved ones or families in the real equation of things but they have checked-out in their hearts.

Let me shock you more, I had a suicidal notebook where I use to type extremely deep thoughts and perspective almost every day, this was my book to pour out my soul, that depression perfected my writing prowess I have today, something good came of the ashes. I burnt that suicidal note immediately I changed my perspective and found purpose.

So, what helped me out of depression?

I will be very practical and realistic – somehow I have always been a writer, I use to scribble down my aspirations and dreams in diaries I had amassed over the years, so on a particular day, I decided to take a look back memory lane to know what my thoughts used to be like in Secondary School (High School) and College (University), reading through these diaries and jotters where I had scribbled down my aspirations somehow awakened in me a desire to want to LIVE – I remember that NIGHT where I made up my MIND to desist from having SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, it was very difficult at the beginning as I had gotten used to having suicidal thoughts that gave me peace of mind but somehow I was able to overcome as a NEW DRIVE PASSION AND PURPOSE was re-energized into my BODY – At this point, I started scribbling down my new found dreams and aspirations, I got it printed and had it pasted all over the walls of my room and parlour where I read it out every morning, I also knew that I needed a support system where I could constantly hear positive things so I remember joining a small church within the vicinity where I resided in and that period was one where I immersed myself in God’s word and fellowshipping in his presence then these scriptures in the bible became my anchor – I can’t remember the exact passage in the bible but it is one that speaks about ‘ALL THINGS WORKING TOGETHER FOR YOUR GOOD TO THEM THAT WALK ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE AND TO THOSE WHO LOVE GOD’ – I HELD UNTO THE PURPOSE PART. Another scripture that gave me inner peace and the strength never to give up was the one that speaks about ‘THOUGH THE VISION MIGHT TARRY, WRITE IT DOWN, LET IT BE PLAIN, FOR WITH TIME, IT WILL COME TO PASS’ – That became my LIFE ANCHOR and from whence I draw STRENGTH – Honestly, I would not say something MIRACULOUS OR MAGICAL HAPPENED to me, I only got to REALIZE I had a PURPOSE I wanted to fulfill and somehow I had hoped because I had broken down my LIFE in bits and began rebuilding from thence – Several years later, I have built MENTAL FORTITUDE and there is no issue, problem, set-back, rejection or disappointment that bothers me anymore, now I live and lead my LIFE based on the ANCHOR of those scriptures I found several years back. Today, my spiritual life might be at its lowest ebb due to some intentional decisions I took in late 2018, early 2019, but I never lost sight of my GOD-GIVEN DEFINED PURPOSE, I have grown to the best VERSION of MYSELF and yes, I am aware that I have not even exhausted a quarter of the GIFTS and TALENT God has deposited in me. There is still a lot to be achieved and I will never cheat myself out of LIFE, I will never ever check-OUT.

When someone is DEPRESSED and already finds comfort in suicidal thoughts, you cannot help them because, at the point when they commit that suicide, they have made peace with that decision long before it happened. Not everyone you see shining their tooth in public is HAPPY, so many people are DEPRESSED or are in a NEAR depression and already finding PEACE in those suicidal thoughts.

The best we can do for those who come out to express their state of depression is to help them find PURPOSE and a REASON to LIVE – It might be something PRACTICAL you can RALLY round SUPPORT for them, asking them to pray, fast, or go sleep in a church or some mountain or spiritual sanctuary will not help them – PRACTICAL SOLUTIONS and giving them something to be HOPEFUL for AND LOOK FORWARD to is how people can be brought back from a DEPRESSED STATE, they must be able to LOOK BEYOND that suicidal thought that gives them peace and begin to aspire INTENTIONALLY for something in their FUTURE they cannot miss, something that will get them excited and give them a new LEASE of LIFE.

I found PURPOSE in my darkest state, it helped refine my writing and thinking skills, and today, I have built EXTREME MENTAL FORTITUDE – Not MANY are LUCKY to find their way back from their DEPRESSIVE STATE – in closing, when we pass silly comments, judgments or opinions about those who have taken their LIVES, you simply send those in depression or already lost psychologically to a DARKER PLACE because they believe the WORLD never understands.

Depression is REAL and even the RICHEST, WEALTHIEST or POOREST of MEN and WOMEN are AFFECTED but it is not the ISSUE that LIFE THROWS at them that kills them, it is the PEACE they now come to HAVE WHENEVER they get angry or feel bad as they FANTACIZE through their suicidal thoughts.

It took all the courage in me to share this story after almost several years of my passing through this phase, I hope it teaches us some lessons.

You can share your thoughts here: [email protected], if you are depressed and truly need help seeing that my experience might be close to where you are at the moment, please do send me an email, I am willing to listen to you pour your soul and heart, I might not be your perfect solution but somehow I know we can help illuminate some LIGHT into your LIFE by re-seeking our collective purpose.

With Love

Elda