RIP Abu: A story about identity, covering, allyship and giving voice to the silent

“I apologize for such a long letter - I didn't have time to write a short one.” Mark Twain

Abu is born

Back in the 90’s, I had my first experiences in my career that included working outside my native country, Brazil. In one occasion, English and Spanish speaking people (Portuguese is the official language in Brazil) could not pronounce my name. Also, based on my skin color and looks, they probably thought I came from somewhere else. That day those two things converged into something that would follow me to this day: A nickname, Abu. Nicknames are super common in Brazil, every person usually has a nickname that friends or family adopt to refer to people. If you didn’t know that ask a Brazilian about their nickname (“apelido” in Portuguese – Don’t be confused with “apellido” – Last name in Spanish). Chico (equivalent of Paco in Spanish), Toninho, Fantasma (Ghost), Fininho, Surfista, Java are some nicknames of friends and family members. Nicknames are part of Brazilian culture.

I admit that when someone called me Abu by mistake or joke that day- and that nickname was sticky – a lot of the people that joined me during that training more than 20 years ago crossed paths with me along the way since then – I didn’t see anything bad. It was the opposite: My perception was that having a short nickname that was pronounced in the same way, no matter what language was your preferred, it would help people to remember me.

For many years, this made sense in my mind and even made my life easier on Starbucks for example. Looking back, maybe unconsciously I was starting a long path of covering behind the nickname. I had my own past experiences being judged by skin color or my looks.

Covering

“Covering” can be described it would be a strategy to address social demands by hiding or minimizing attributes that are part of an individual to separate oneself from a stigmatized group and blend into mainstream.

Being Brazilian abroad – even many years before I moved to the US is an interesting experience. Every time I said Brazil, I hear back “oh, I love Samba, Soccer, Pele, Neymar” or objectifying people based on gender and looks. Brazil is more than soccer and samba.  If you ever met a Brazilian, you will see that a very common point if the native happiness despite of the challenges along the way. Creativity, culture vibrancy are some of the amazing results of centuries of history and mix of so many backgrounds and ethnicities. An example beyond my family is the fact that Brazil has the largest Japanese-descent populations in the world, a nice Oktoberfest tradition in the south and heritage from the Dutch presence in the 1700 mixed with an African heritage all over the country, including my place of birth, Salvador, Bahia. Generalizations, expectations, unconscious bias and prejudice is very real.  Ask a Brazilian who invented the plane – Santos Dumont (and true story he flew the 14 bis in Paris in front of an audience before the Wright Brothers)

Looking back with what I learned and what I continue learning: Consciously or not, I was hiding (or ignoring when I “covered” my name) and beyond the surface there was a bigger picture. Many people today, either because of their identities, belief or points of view, religion, politics still have challenges and may even pay the ultimate price: Death. Just a few days ago from the time I wrote this text, an act of violence against the Asian-American community in the Atlanta, United States was a wakeup call for all of us.

Standing up for inequality: The times are changing and we have to be part of the solution

We must stand up against inequality, prejudice, and bias in its many forms. The denial of equal opportunities for everybody affects each and every one of us.

If back in the 90’s I did not see a problem on having this nickname, times have changed. We are living in a world were tensions about race, bias, stereotypes exist but also, are taking us to an amazing path towards diversity, inclusion and allyship. I consider myself in a position of privilege today for several reasons and my voice can be heard louder.

More than Brazilian, American, Latino, Latinx, Hispanic, Colored labels: What is the difference?

My own hiding and denial under the surface were simple: I came from a world where being originally Brazilian meant people expect me to dance samba, love “Carnival” (Carnaval) and be an ace of soccer like Pele. More recently there is also Mixed Martial Arts

The Latin American identity is also challenging. The term Latin America was coined by the French (for political reasons) to designate and refer to the countries that shared the Latin roots (meaning people that shared languages that are branches of Latin). While the term “Latin America” is common, we don’t hear today about the “Latin Europe” (even when the term would be technically right). Italy, France, Romania, Portugal and Spain could be considered “Latin Europe” but we never use that term.

This is a particular identity conflict in Brazil. Latin America is an artificial construct and many Brazilians do not consider themselves being “Latinos”. Also, “Latino” has some mixed acceptance and usage depending on where you go or who you talk to. Well, I don’t remember any of my Italian cousins or Spanish friends checking the box “Latino” when they fill the forms. In my case, I standardized a simple act whenever I am asked about my race; “Human.”

Back to the track, after clarifying “Latino” and “Latin America”, let’s differentiate Latin America, Latino (or Latinx as some prefer) is not equal to “Hispanic” (basically a term to designate Spanish descent – language, culture or ancestralism, geographic origin) – Brazil is not Hispanic. Well, Philippines is rather Hispanic/ Latinx. So what is it? Origin? 1st generations, 2nd, 3rd? Does it really matter as humans?

But then there is me. Like many families across the world and particularly in Brazil, my family was formed by Italians, Spanish and Portuguese as well as a mix of native Indigenous Brazilians and more.

So, technically, I’m Latin American, American (remember, USA and Brazil are both in America), but also Hispanic and “colored”. ì have been living in the United States for a decade now and traveling around the world I have had many experiences where culture, identity (and religion as well as I’m part of a minority on that area too) had a negative impact and I have learned along the way challenges that other people face in their lives because of their names, their identities or background, race, skin color. Covering is something that happens in so many aspects and I was not even aware of it.

Today in industrialized countries (so education does not exclude ignorance) I hear and see people exposed to pain and suffering because of their accent abroad. “We speak English in this country or the official language here is English” By the way, well reminded by my friend Vinicius Apolinario, the United States does not have English as it’s official language (nor any other!) : Languages of the United States - Wikipedia

If I came of a background of challenges because of my origin, the color of my skin, and a name that people could not pronounce, I am fortunate enough to have learned from other people’s challenges and pains. And I consider myself privileged today not only for the learnings I had, but the education also I pursued, a good job, a place to live.  And here is the opportunity: I have a vast network that I met or connected during my journey around the world and thousands of people that click to see what I write, what I built or what I am saying.

I’m not a celebrity, I am only one person and will stand for myself. When we act together, we have the power of more than one and more than the sum of the individual parts. Coming from that perspective I decided to step up for others in a different way, using my position of privilege to step up for others and extend my allyship to so many people that face challenges because of who they are, what is their background, skin color, religion, accent, immigratory status, name, heritage or cultural identity.

RIP Abu

Today, officially I’m dropping the nickname Abu. Yes. From now on, I will be only “Aylton”, or “Aylton José” if there is another Aylton in the room.  I am American.

My Portuguese name from English origin (Bing or Google it), close enough to “Ayrton Senna” - One of the most famous Brazilians in the history (but pronounced differently) is the name I will prefer and ask to be called from now on.  One of the main reasons is to provoke these conversations about biases, prejudice, and identity. Short answer on why “It’s a declaration of support and respect for so many people that suffer prejudice or violence because of who they are”. “Hi – I am Aylton”.

Yes, I am American and I bring and abundance of my mixed background including the color of my skin and like every other human being, I’m not defined by generic factors. I’m just human.

Using my name – Aylton -  is a move to give voice to so many people that are still threatened because of their origin, point of view, religion, name, identity and/or ethnic group. I want the new generations and young professionals (and people in general) of today and tomorrow not to be subject to old patterns of covering demands. I want to give people the opportunity to get used to the different nuances, appearances and sounds, languages that make us humans.

Looking at the world we live in, we now have clear from studies like How your name affects your success (businessinsider.com) and Study: Job candidates with ethnic-sounding names get fewer callbacks from employers (theladders.com) or Here’s why you didn’t get that job: your name | World Economic Forum (weforum.org) that just help us to see that we still have a very real problem, not much different from the one that existed 30 years ago. And it is not right.  

More than the allyship declaration, it’s the name that my family has chosen and the name that people call me at home. Interesting enough is the name that is written in all my documents!

Welcome (back) Aylton Jose!

I am sensitive and respectful about pronunciation of foreign names, so my additional contribution is to help pronounce my name correctly (and potentially open the door to help pronouncing other names correctly or even stepping up!) so, I will help the non-native Portuguese-speakers. I promise to learn yours too! Try the same next time you meet someone with a name that you don't know how to pronounce correctly.

“AYLTON”

The right pronunciation is easy:

“A” like when you say “A-ha moment!”, “Aventura Mall”. Hard? Listen to “I shot the sheriff” and remember the “open I” sound – It sounds like first two letters of my name

“YLTON” – The Y is just a distraction here. Say HILTON like the hotel or Paris Hilton. Now forget the “H”. You can also try to say “MILTON” like the “Paradise Lost” author. If so, forget the “M” for a second.

Time to put it all together: AYLTON. Yes!!!! We made it!!! If not, “I” “ILL” “TON” in English is close enough. I have also recorded the way I say it for reference: Aylton Souza (he/him) | LinkedIn

Maybe you think dropping a nickname and using my real name is something small. It’s not. It’s a great time for all of us to reflect what else you think is a small, minor thing but may exclude, offend, or perpetuate patterns that don’t belong and cause pain, suffering or exclusion.

With that, it’s 2021 and the world changed a lot (and will continue changing). Goodbye Abu, welcome back and long live Aylton.

And don’t worry – I won’t “lecture” or “bore” you, will not be sad if you forget about the change or mispronounce my name. This is the amazing journey of being human: Not knowing it all but having a humble attitude to learn it all.

Ready to join me on the first step of this journey?

Aylton

PS: A big shout of for all my friends and network - I had amazing input, feedback and personal experiences shared with me to give me the strength for this reflection: Angel, Charles, Tito, Fred, David, Matthew, Jessie, Fernanda, Rodolfo, Lisa, Silvia, Arnaldo, Vinicius, Julia, Helio, Jannuzi and many others. Thank you

References:

 Covering | Kenji Yoshino

Study: Job candidates with ethnic-sounding names get fewer callbacks from employers (theladders.com)