Rightsizing, Not Downsizing

Ten essential tips for successfully adapting your way of living

As you get older, it’s very easy to view the changes around you from a negative perspective. You become less mobile, you start to have more health issues etc. So, when it comes to thinking about where you live, the phrase ‘downsizing’ can be filled with negative connotations. That’s why I prefer the phrase ‘rightsizing’ — after all you’re moving to make your life better.

The need to move creeps up on you. It’s like your garden, one minute it looks like Chelsea Flower Show and the next it’s more like ‘I am Celebrity get me out of here!’. Then you start needing to make changes in your house like an extra banister to scale the stairs safely.

The first time I had experience in rightsizing was in when I was seven years old. My grandmother lived in a spacious three bedroom detached house in Streatham. The house might have been detached but my grandmother wasn’t. She had lived there for years and was extremely attached to the house and the memories it held. It was 1965 and while it might have been the swinging sixties for some, it certainly wasn’t for my grandmother. She was having difficulties living in a house just wasn’t practical for her any more.

The plan was for her to move to a purpose-built two bedroom flat in Carshalton near to where we lived. It was only seven miles away from Streatham but to my grandmother, it was another universe.

My father had made every effort to get her into the right frame of mind to move. He even drew out a floor plan of the new flat and built scale models of all her furniture. The two of them could then place her furniture in different positions on the floor plan to work out what to take and what to sell.

To me, this little ‘dolls house’ world of my mother’s new flat was very exciting, but for my grandmother, it was quite an overwhelming experience. I particularly remember her anguish at being told the piano wouldn’t be able to go. Being partially sighted my grandmother had never learnt to play the piano but she had such engrained memories of my late grandfather playing it, that she had a huge emotional attachment to it.

The whole process took a couple of months and both my father and my grandmother endured many sleepless nights. I, however, was entranced. I promptly semi-moved my possessions into my grandmothers new flat. ‘We had moved!’ and now my teddy bear had a new place to lay its head.

Some forty years later it was my father’s turn. And now I was taking the role he took with my grandmother. But this time the move was much easier. I don’t know if it was the memory of the experience with my grandmother but he recognised it was the right time for him to move to a smaller place. I think him seeing it as a positive step made a huge difference.

From the lessons I learned helping my father as well as my personal experiences working for retirement builders advising the over 60’s on making the decision to move, has helped me to come up with the list of ten tips. I hope they will help in making moving to a smaller home the satisfying process that it should be.

1.   Take Control

Have the discussion with your children sooner rather than later. By all means seek advice from friends but be true to yourself. After all, It’s your life.

Think carefully about what you want to say to your children before talking to them. Plan what you want to talk about and don’t rush the conversation whilst out shopping, for instance. Why not ask them to tea and suggest that the grandchildren be entertained elsewhere. Grandchildren can easily become a distraction. On this occasion, you need your children’s focus on you and your concerns.

2.   Possessions

You have spent a lifetime accumulating ‘Stuff’. Now is the time to look at those possessions and decide what to do with them. Don’t assume your daughter will want to give a home to your mother’s Royal Doulton Tea set. And the last thing you want is for her to take it, just for it to be put in her loft.

My suggestion would be — use it. Ditch your everyday set and treat yourself to quality. Follow the mantra of @MaireKondo, the queen of decluttering — look at an object in your home and ask yourself whether it ‘brings you joy’; if it doesn’t, get rid of it.

3.   Don’t procrastinate

Please don’t let yourself end being forced into the decision by constantly putting it off. Make sure you choose the time to move house that’s right for you. Keep asking yourself whether things are becoming too much for you. Can you cope with the garden? Are the stairs one step too far? Have you already mentally downsized by not using all of the rooms in your house? Have some bedroom doors not been opened in ages. Is your home safe? Can you walk around the house without stumbling? Rucked up old carpets can be lethal. A new flat would have a nice new carpet which not only looks lovely but is safe.

4.   Help

Who helps you now? A kindly friend or neighbour running errands. But what happens when they are on holiday? What help will you need in the future? How far away are your family and are they leading busy lives that can’t slow down for yours? 

5.   Friendships

As you get older, your friendship circle changes. You may join new groups like the U3A or take up a new hobby but for various reasons, other friendships may fade away. A retirement complex will give you an immediate social circle. This sense of being part of a community cannot be underestimated and should be embraced.

6.   Choose the location of your new home wisely

What are your priorities? Family, friends, shops, doctor’s surgery? You would be surprised when you put pen to paper and make a list. It can have a dramatic effect on where you want to live. Even check the bus route. You might not have caught a bus for twenty years but with a bus pass the world is in your pocket and you can enjoy the ride.

7.   Check the town for facilities and amenities

If you plan to move to a new town – make enquiries about local trades – plumber, electrician etc. Is there a cinema or a swimming pool?

8.   Budget

Look at your monthly outgoings. Check to see what you can save in terms of utilities and council tax. If you think you are going to have a financial surplus from the sale of your property then make sure you seek good financial advice on what to do with it.

9.   Check your will

Make sure you’ve updated your will and have talked to your children about future care needs. It can sometimes be a difficult conversation to have with your children but it is better to discuss Power of Attorney with them sooner rather than later. Protect your assets and don’t let the state take control through inertia or not being willing to talk about it. Trust me, your children will be grateful that you have raised the topic.

10.   Relax

Last but not least, enjoy your new home. You have made the move for a better quality of life so make the most of it. Home is where the heart is and I guarantee after a very short while you will feel like you have been there forever.

#downsizing #movinghome #equityrelease #rightsizing