There is a right way and a wrong way...

There’s a right way and a wrong way.

Hi.

Yesterday, I experienced everything that is right in customer service and everything that is wrong. And I’m not afraid to name names.

In November of last year, we bought a house on the edge of town, Pickeringtonvilleburgrove Island, and moved out of our two bedroom, four bath condo. The new place had space for my soon to be wife to run her day care business, space for my office, and lots of room to play, in fact, two acres of room to play. The house was built in 1962 and she is sturdy in every facet of the word. We are the second owners/ I believe that in their declining years, the family that built her had started to let small things slide. After Betty passed, the five children she had raised took almost three years to decide to sell the homestead. Of pertinence to this story, one little thing included power washing the siding and walks.
So when the temperature crossed 70 last November, I had the perfect excuse to go buy a power washer. I went to my local big box, HOME DEPOT, and bought a Clean Force CF1400, electric power washer, an extended warranty (it’s made of plastic), a gallon of power washer soap, and went to town on our new home. By the end of the day, the first floor on the North side looked brand new and the second floor looked aged and not so good.

The weather changed the next day and my power washing time for the year had elapsed.

I mentioned earlier my soon to be wife. Soon is August 15th. On my list of things to do before the wedding is to finish power washing the rest of the house. It finally stopped raining long enough for me to get the CF 1400 out. When I plugged it in, the spray gun leaked like a sieve. Being inquisitive, I opened it up and easily spotted a crack in the plastic housing. Super glue to the rescue!! After a day of curing, it still leaked.

I went to the file and pulled the extended warranty from HOME DEPOT and called 1-800-HOME DEPOT. At first, I thought that only two prompts to get to the right department was amazing. Ten key pushes later, I wasn’t as impressed.

When I reached a human, I talked to a nice person that helped me re-register my purchase. So far so good. He then informed me that my Extended warranty didn’t take effect until the Manufacturer’s warranty ended, which was on November 23rd, 2016. But, he provided me with the number for the manufacturer, FORCE.
I called the number only to learn that their offices were closed, because it was after hours in whatever unknown time zone they were in. When I called back at Monday at noon ET, it was clearly explained to me that HOME DEPOT was wrong, the warranty on the CF 1400 was 90 parts and two years on the motor.

By 12:15, I was back on hold waiting for a human at 1-800-HOME DEPOT. This human was named Zoey. She apologized that the HOME DEPOT system was out of date and that it would take at least ten business days to get it updated before she could enter a claim. Was this OK she asked? No, I responded, it wasn’t. I had paid for a service and the fact that the HOME DEPOT documentation wasn’t up to date was not my problem. My problem was that I needed to power wash the rest of my home before people started showing up. Zoey understood and asked if I would like to discuss this with a Supervisor. Sure.

Ten minutes of Static on Hold, which must be a new feature of digital phone systems, Brittany introduced herself. Again, very polite, professional, and understanding. At this point, it is important to note that I was note talking to HOME DEPOT, but to ASURION, their warranty service provider. If any of you have insurance on your cell phone, my guess is that you also will have to deal with ASURION at some point in time.

Brittany apologized, explained that it would take ten days to update their systems, and then asked me to contact the manufacturer again, obtain a copy of their Warranty policy, send it to ASURION, because it would speed the process. I suggested that she go to the nearest HOME DEPOT and pull a copy herself, still being a gentleman mind you. She informed me that there wasn’t a HOME DEPOT near ASURION, or she would be happy to obtain the documentation. That must have given her an idea.

Ten minutes later, she was back on the phone with a copy of the Warranty policy that she obtained from the website in hand. She agreed that parts were only covered for 90 days and the motor for two years and it would still take at least ten days to update the system, but she would ask for it to be expedited.  Unfortunately, the term “parts” doesn’t cover accessories. She couldn’t explain what the term “Parts” did cover. When I read to her the HOME DEPOT brochure that explained what the Two year Replacement Plan covered, including replacing all failed parts, she pointed me to the 8pt font “See Terms & Conditions” language and informed me that if I had gone to the website, I would have seen that the T’s & C’s excluded anything that the manufacturer excluded to begin with. Brittany was very nice and understanding throughout the forty-five minute call that concluded with her statement that only the motor was covered from 2016 through 2018 by ASURION and maybe I should call the manufacturer back as their warranty stated that they cover workmanship.

The HOME DEPOT – ASURION story ended two minutes later when I ordered $49.00 worth of “accessories” so that I can use my $99.00 power washer before the wedding.

Part II – STAPLES

For those of you who are coming to the wedding and among my LinkedIn connections, I’m sorry if I am ruining any surprise.
Jamie, my soon to be betrothed, is amazingly creative. For the twenty-five families and guests that are coming in from out of town, she is knee deep in preparing Welcome Bags. I was shown several different designs on Pinterest and allowed some input on the wording of the Welcome cards which were to be affixed to said Welcome Bags. As I am in charge of logistics and she is in charge of aesthetics, she told me that she wanted to print the message on ivory card stock. I crafted the design using PowerPoint and headed to the closest big box office supply store, STAPLES.

I know a little about printing, having learned at the knee of the nation’s largest MinuteMan Press operator, Ray Kinney. At 8:45pm last night, I went directly to the Copy Center and asked if they could print something on 70# card stock in ivory. Leah responded that she had 65#, 67# and 110# card stock and that she could print on any of them. I asked to feel the difference between the 67# and 110#. The 100# was the clear choice to be adhered to the Welcome Bag. But there were only three sheets of 110#.

I asked if she had any more. Maybe on the floor she replied. I offered to go look which allowed her to finish up her night’s work. I found a very expensive ream of 110# Ivory card stock.

I asked her how much ten sheets would cost?

She couldn’t sell individual sheets of paper.

Hmm….

I used my not so smart phone and found the script excerpt from Five Easy Pieces in which Bobby (Jack Nicholson) wants two pieces of toast:

[Bobby wants plain toast, which isn't on the menu]
Bobby: I'd like an omelet, plain, and a chicken salad sandwich on wheat toast, no mayonnaise, no butter, no lettuce. And a cup of coffee.
Waitress: A #2, chicken salad sand. Hold the butter, the lettuce, the mayonnaise, and a cup of coffee. Anything else?
Bobby: Yeah, now all you have to do is hold the chicken, bring me the toast, give me a check for the chicken salad sandwich, and you haven't broken any rules.
Waitress: You want me to hold the chicken, huh?
Bobby: I want you to hold it between your knees.

Only one puzzled look later, I asked her to print me ten copies of a blank piece of paper on 110# Ivory card stock.

She handed me a bag with ten pieces of Ivory 110# card stock, but no receipt to take to the register.

When I asked for the receipt, she told me that she was giving me the card stock.

That’s why I will go back to STAPLES and if possible, never buy another ASURION product without going to the website to read the fine print.