The Right Reason to “Divorce” or Stay in Your Job

Finding the right job has a significant amount of crossover with finding a committed relationship. You spend time searching for the right fit, you get to know each other, you discuss what’s important to you, you compromise until you find the thing that works best for both of you, and ultimately you hope you’ll be happy and fulfilled in your choice.

But after a time - and it might be immediately, it might be months or even years - you start to notice things that don’t quite fit. Time reveals all things, so maybe you start to feel antsy, unappreciated, and undervalued.?You begin to reassess: Is this what I want? Is this making me happy? Does it matter if I’m happy?

But just like a relationship, there are so many factors that determine whether the right move is to stick it out in your current job or move on. Maybe there’s enough good to outweigh the discomfort.

Maybe the discomfort is irrelevant to your long-term goals.

Maybe the discomfort is a good challenge.

How do you decide?

Identify your professional non-negotiables.

Understand, no job is perfect. However, there’s no reason to stay in a place that doesn’t align with your values. We all have things we can live with if we absolutely must, but what can you not tolerate?

Alternatively,?set a clear intention - what do you absolutely need in a job? This negotiation works in both directions. It’s not enough to consider the negatives; it’s very easy to fall into a negative mindset and allow that to overwhelm the experience. To combat this, you also need to be able to identify the positive non-negotiables.

What good things can’t you live without? What makes it worth it to stay?

Two significant areas to consider:

Misalignment of Core Values:

This is perhaps the most fundamental determinant of whether a job will be a good fit for you. Company core values determine the entire trajectory, practice, and underlying culture of the workplace. They are deeply ingrained principles and are a guiding force of internal and external affairs in any organization. But you also have core values and deeply held beliefs. Some signs that you and your workplace are not in alignment:

• Frustration with the trajectory or mission of the company.
• Constantly compromising personal beliefs to achieve progress and success within the organization.
• Feeling a lack of support or inability to question the work you’re undertaking.
• Being unable to identify your own values and beliefs within the workplace.
• Feeling unmotivated to progress personally or professionally.
• Negative relationships with co-workers, management, and the actual work.
• Wanting the project to fail.

All these point to a misalignment with your values and the company’s values. You and your company fundamentally do not want the same thing, and so the work you are doing is progressing a project or product you do not want, and perhaps one you don’t think other people should want. Assuming you’ve taken steps to address the differences, you’ve sought out the right information from your managers or leaders, and there is no compromise available - if you find yourself in this situation, it may be time to start looking.

On the other side of this is deciding if you can handle the minor (or major) challenges?of a workplace because your core values DO align. Here are some signs that you and your company’s values align.

• You feel a sense of purpose.
• You spend most of your time using your strengths.
• You strive to grow and develop and are given tools and opportunities to do so.
• You feel comfortable trusting your instincts.
• Work-life balance is achievable.

There will be aspects of every job that feel overwhelming or tedious, however?if you are able to use your strengths, and feel connected to the core mission of the company, that is a fairly strong argument for pushing through.

Toxic work culture:

The MIT Sloan Management Review recently published an article titled, “Why Every Leader Needs to Worry About Toxic Culture.” In it, authors Donald Sull, Charles Sull, William Cipolli, and Caio Brighenti discuss how toxic work culture can be a result of misalignment with core values, but more often is a result of poor workplace management or bad habits within the organization. A toxic work culture is possible to change, but if you’re not interested in working through that, it may be time to move on. Some of the biggest markers of a toxic workplace are:

• Non-inclusive: Diverse groups of employees are not treated fairly, made to feel welcome or included in key decisions. The workplace feels like a club; there are “inner circles” that feel impossible to penetrate, or there is genuine inequity in treatment between employees with different backgrounds and identities.
• Disrespectful: Feeling disrespected at work is one of the strongest predictors of an employee’s “corporate culture” satisfaction.
• Unethical: This could look like general integrity and applied ethics within an organization - dishonesty or making false promises. This could also look like regulatory compliance - does the workplace disregard federal standards?
• Abusive: This is sustained hostile behavior from management toward employees - shouting, belittling, demeaning subordinates, or verbal abuse or condescension.
• Cutthroat: Lack of collaboration or teamwork, uncooperative teammates, or no organization. Information silos or friction between departments.

When you join a company, you expect to find a culture that is inclusive, respectful, ethical, collaborative, and free from abuse by those in positions of power. These baselines should help you form a picture of a healthy workplace and give you areas in which you don’t need to compromise.

So…Stay or Go?

Ultimately, you are the final arbiter of what you can handle in a workplace. You decide if the money is worth it, if the goals of the company are rewarding, and if the way in which you spend your time is meaningful. There’s an argument to be made that both areas - misalignment of core values and toxic workplace culture - point to a workplace that will be difficult and perhaps painful to work in, maybe even impossible. I think it boils down to this question: If nothing ever changes, would you stay?

I had the pleasure of recording a two-part podcast with Dov Baron from Leadership and Loyalty Podcast where we dig deep into the subject of the right reason to divorce your job or stay. It is scheduled to be released next week. You can opt-in to the podcast HERE or stay tuned to my Linked In page for the release and latest updates!

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