Riding The Waves of Grief, Growth and Healing

Happy Friday Folks!

I really do try to avoid a cliche, I really do. I also try my best not to assign everything to being a special interest, but y'no what, sometimes I really can't help it. I've opened a can of special interests and they're pissing all over the place.

I'm excited and I feel myself trying to contain my joy and excitement because that, like so many other people, is what I've learned to do with feelings of joy - try to suppress them, ignore them, dismiss them or shimmy them away in some kind of attempt to avoid the whole 'waiting for the other shoe to drop'.

Brené Brown shares a lot about this in her work when she talks of foreboding joy and the habit where you think if you can spend life living in a constant state of a low-level sort of impending doom you can avoid the pain of when something really bad does happen - but it doesn't - all it does is steal away the joy of living.

I'm more than certain I've shared this notion in my newsletters before, I am having to actively learn how to be at peace with joy, enjoyment and things going well.

It takes time.

This is either going to be something that comes as a sigh or relief or it's going to add to a little impatience of the seeming permenance of the healing journey which can seem dark and murky at the best of times.

This week I published an article (you can read it here) on my Medium page where I share how I felt like I was forever going to be obsessed with healing and have to spend all my days focussing on fixing and mending, realising that as I was laying there I was learning something completely new and my interests and lines of studies have shifted.

I experience more glimmers.

Glimmers are the opposite of triggers; those moments where you feel the simple feeling of joy from something maybe even as simple as that first sip of coffee in the morning, being in the waves or watching the Northern Lights or a beautiful sunset.

As I burst through the resistance to writing and blogging again, I found myself having huge chunks of sleep hacked out of the middle of my night - laying awake 1-4 in the morning, often forgetting to just allow it (because insomnia is something I teach on for crying out loud) but sometimes, it's easier said than done. That being said, I know exactly why it's there -

I'm actively working through what is quite a painful breakthrough and though what's on the other side is oh so sweet - my body is used to things being hard and I'm completely sold on the idea that no one will care what I have to say and I just shouldn't bother - because then I don't have to go through what it takes to make the change.

The unknown is scary.

As humans we adore security - if you don't know what the future holds, you might get hurt... Or... You might get what you've been looking for.

Whilst working on self awakening has it's challenges and being aware of all the ways you keep yourself stuck can be breeding ground for a relentless inner critic, it's also the training ground to set yourself free and how fabulous is that.

I'm proud of myself for facing a procrastination and fear this week and donning my imaginary pen, in the form of my trusty Mac keyboard and returning to writing. It's where I'm remembering and totally getting that if you let yourself work in your zone of genius instead of trying to follow what you think you should be doing - it gets to be fun and it gets to be easy.

Instead of worrying what I'm going to make or what I'm going to get, I've been excited that a few people have read some of my writing, highlighted it, reflected on it and shared their thoughts and their own journeys.

This is what it's all about.

I get bursts of motivation where I pop out my courses and workshops then I wipe out (splenic single definition 2/4 manifestor vibes) and I'd end up just bubbling in my own thoughts, now I'm writing them down.

Is there anything you're putting off that you know will be fabulous once you get going?

What one small step could you take to dip your toe in the water?

If you'd like to follow my writing on Medium <- here you go :)

Have a great weekend!

Amanda