Riding that COVID Roller Coaster

How many of you are having random bouts of "emotional whiplash" during the #COVID19 - induced isolation? You know... you wake up with an "okay, world, here I come" sense of drive and determination. An hour or two later, or ten minutes later, you're in a completely different headspace.

Emotional. Whiplash.

It happened at our house a couple of weeks ago. Everyone just seemed to bottom-out at the same time. My youngest son's anxiety was through the roof. My oldest son was angrily rattling around the house, struggling to shift from an independent college student in coastal New England to life at home in central North Carolina. My daughter, who is usually my "roll with anything" child, couldn't seem to drag herself out of bed. (She was watching the entire series run of 'Friends' on Netflix for the umpteenth time.) My wife - my rock and best friend of almost 30 years - was coming to the very likely scenario that her job may not come back. It's a lot to process.

I just wanted to share this with you because it is essential to know that it's okay to feel like this sometimes.

Say it out loud: "It's okay to not be okay."

We're in uncharted waters, and this is all part of the process. Don't repeatedly beat yourself up for not being more upbeat. Don't fall into the "I have a rotten attitude - I've got to get out of this rotten attitude - I don't know how to lose this rotten attitude, so now I'm REALLY upset with myself" spiral. It's counter-productive, and you're trying to fight human nature. What is vital, however, is letting this wash over you - and past you - and not letting yourself stay in those dark places for too long. 

I'm not a psychologist, nor do I play one on TV, so I can only share my own personal experiences. There are so many parts we'll play throughout our lives. For example:  

• I'm a son who lost a parent
• I'm an executive who lost a job
• I'm a parent/manager/business owner who played the role of advice-giver hundreds of times over the years

Different roles and different seasons, but the common thread that binds them all is the need to deal with, and overcome, adversity. 

For reasons I can't fully comprehend, #mentalhealth issues are still something of a taboo in our society. We all wrestle with stress and anxiety to some degree. Still, so many of us have been conditioned to just sweep it under the carpet and deal with it later or, even worse, internalize it and not deal with it at all. Protip: this is a really - REALLY - damaging mindset. 

Shortly after we moved from Boston to North Carolina, my oldest son sank into a deep depression. Anxiety, self-harm, suicidal ideations... it got about as dark as it could get. I shared what was going on with some people, but usually not the complete depth of the situation. Simply stated: we almost lost him. 

It's every parent's nightmare, but we got him help, and we got him through the other side. More importantly, however, he worked hard to gain new insights, techniques, and ways of thinking that empowered him to pull himself through. In fact, he didn't just get to be "his old self again"... he gained something through the process that made him stronger, more resilient and gave him some much-needed perspective. I'm so proud of him. 

To be clear, I got his permission to share some of these experiences before writing this piece. We're both of the same mindset: if sharing our experiences can help anyone feel less alone or more empowered, we have a responsibility to speak up. 

I'm amazed by how my son can articulate the way he deals with stress and sadness today. In his words: "I haven't found a way to make stressful times go away, but I accept those feelings when they emerge. I learned not to fight these feelings, but to acknowledge their presence and look at the causes, then I have an easier time letting them pass. I don't waste my energy trying to convince myself I shouldn't feel a certain way anymore. Looking at what's causing the feeling helps me realize that no situation is as dire as it seems. Even the toughest times are going to give me something I can turn into a positive later on." 

Not bad for a twenty-year-old, huh? As a die-hard Catholic, I was admittedly a bit skeptical when I saw him come home for breaks with volumes of Eastern philosophy books. But when I hear him speak so clearly and confidently about wrestling with his demons, I just remember how this is diametrically opposed to where he was a couple of years ago. He found his path.  

So if you're feeling sad, confused, angry, or any number of other less-than-wonderful emotions right now, congratulations: you're human. Just make me a promise... promise me you won't hold on to these feelings, you won't give in to these feelings, and most importantly, if you're having a hard time, don't keep it to yourself. Acknowledge it. Get your center. Move on. Easier said than done, but you've got this. 

(Note: If you need help urgently or you don't feel comfortable talking to friends or loved ones about this right now, DO NOT HESITATE to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255, visit them online at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/, or have an online chat with them at https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/chat/. Don't go it alone. Okay? Promise?)