The Riddle of Rip Van Winkle

Here’s a riddle for you.

How could Rip Van Winkle, as the old story goes, have slept uninterrupted on the ground and under a tree for a span of 20 years before, during and after the drum rolls, cannons and mayhem of the American Revolutionary War??

It’s a good thing that Rip didn’t have a 21st?century bed and mattress with today’s modern amenities, cause if he did, he’d still be snoring away and we wouldn’t have this riddling tale to tell.

Beds are not only an American tradition, but they are worldwide as well. In a lot of cultures and for many centuries the bed was considered to be the most important piece of furniture in one’s cave, hut, igloo, pyramid, tipi, castle, condo, apartment, or house.

Archeologists have uncovered evidence that about 12,000 years ago our relatives had slept in caves and used cold stones as mattresses that were covered with only animal skins.

Later on about 3400 BC King Tut and some of his fellow pharaohs reportedly had beds made of ebony, gold and silver.

Ancient clay plates found buried in the Valley of the Pharaohs revealed that beds for the first time were situated up off the ground.

A sure prototype and offspring to today’s mausoleums.

Spanning from 27?BC - 476?AD, the Romans are credited with the Phi Beta Kappa idea of having a mattress to lie down on.

The richer ones, like Julius Caesar, who could afford more, had a bottom mattress consisting of hay, pea shucks, and wool and a top mattress stuffed with exotic bird-feathers.

History points to Julius’ feathers evolving into patrician fabrics such as silk, brocade and velvet.

On the downside - bugs had begun invading beds in the likes of a Stephen King novel.?

Bed bugs, as they became known in todays modern lexicon, loved to crawl around and live in mattresses / sheets / blankets / Teddy bears / pillows - while chewing / discharging on their nightly guests.

During the Renaissance period - everyone slept.

The?Renaissance?marking the transition from the?Middle Ages?to?modernity?and covering the 15th and 16th centuries (give or take a century), was characterized by an effort to revive and surpass ideas and achievements of?classical antiquity and bedding. This occurred after the?"Crisis of the Late Middle Ages,"?and was associated with great?social change.

Mattress epiphanies between the 16th?and 17th?centuries further stimulated innovations in bedding. In?the?17th century?the appearance of the bed was determined by its hangings - but?in?the 18th century the frame became visible again, appropriately carved?and?gilded. The curtains became lighter, being made of taffeta or soft spun satin, for example, instead of the heavy brocades?and?velvets of the 16th and early?17th century.

The 18th century saw the first cotton and wool mattresses.?

This is around the time when mankind’s first water bed washed up onto the scene.

Purportedly a baby, eons ago, would be placed into a shallow cradle of warm water until he or she became drowsy. The little one would then be lifted and placed into an adjacent cradle equipped with a homemade mattress and then be rocked to sleep while listening to some Claudio Monteverdi with flickering candle shadows here, there and everywhere.

The 18th?century also saw the first cotton and wool mattresses in recorded history as iron and steel frames came into being thanks to the earlier Iron Age. The latter part of the same century - the waterbed was improved upon, excluding the goatskin and its prevailing leaky stitching.

The 19th?century is credited with the genesis of today’s hot commercial mattress competition with low interest financing becoming available for the very first time.

Rubber latex mattresses were introduced and distributed worldwide. Gone with the wind were the timber frames with its supporting latticework of rope, as coil spring mattresses sprang into action, postbellum 1865.

The early 20th?century brought us Laurel and Hardy and the Murphy bed, the Far East’s futon bed and its feng-shui inspired compass, and, the pioneering polyurethane foam mattresses.

During the?"... say hey - you want a revolution" 60s, springs and foams were in, as heated waterbeds and their Noah category floods became more ubiquitous.

Pullout sofas were introduced as adjustable air mattresses were launched which allowed for partners to adjust the firmness and angle of ones own side, thus enabling both parties to be truly independent with a false feeling of full autonomy - while remaining happily married forever thereafter - - - oh, you Romeo you.

Everybody needs sleep and a good bed, regardless of what century it is.

Every night most people perform a sleep ritual; we floss / brush our teeth, gargle like Mini me must have, change into our new Avatar Part 2 PJ’s, crawl into our soft comfy beds, close our eyes and enter into a rhythmic state.

Our hearts slow down, we breathe slowly and regularly, and our muscles become relaxed. Once or twice an hour we roll over, but we are no longer tuned into our environment.

We spend about eight (8) hours a day sleeping, which equates to a downtime of 1/3 of our lives - like it or not.

Countries around the whole wide world have united to set universal standards of four (4) basic sizes of mattresses that compliment today’s eclectic bed frames.

Though none of the standard sizes can accommodate someone like former Lakers superstar Kareem Abdul Jabbar - though customized mattresse$ can be had.

Today’s ever evolving high-tech mattresses should be like your dog Flip; always there to greet you whether you had a great day or a stressful day, forever offering never-ending, dependable and reliable support and comfort.

One should be able to sleep so deeply and undisturbed, despite typical diurnal and nocturnal tribulations, that your ever-ready powered alarm clock rings itself hoarse as you continue to dream on, whether your a narcoleptic or not.

If Rip Van Winkle had indeed slept those two (2) decades then our Rip V. Riddle is finally realized.

Rip must have suffered from a ruthless case of narcolepsy, which in turned put him into an unfathomable 20-year circadian Rapid Eye Movement slumber. Wow.

This was compounded by the fact that Ripped V had to be dreaming on that he was tucked in a 21st?century brass-bed equipped with a?NASA - approved Sealy spring-free tempur-pedic-pressure-relieving Swedish mattress -

- - - and an accompanying pillow - purchased from a special late night / early morning TV commercial:

"... Call and if you buy now - we'll send you another fluffy but firm pillow - absolutely free - but you must call within the next 20-minutes - inventories R running low - operators are a-waiting!" .

Steve Sayer is a Southern California-based food and employee-safety consultant.

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