Rewrite : Mirror, Mirror on the wall...
We surely have heard the Grimm's story "Snow white and the seven dwarfs" and about one of the key character, the Queen Grimhilde. She poses the above question to the Magic Mirror, a mystical object that is featured in the story which can listen, understand and reply. As coaches, we partner with our clients in a thought-provoking creative process and reflect truthfully as a (sacred) mirror would. Hence I am curious, what needs to change if the Grimm's goal was for the Queen AND Snow White "to live happily ever after" despite of the necessity for fairness-mantle to change hands? After all, wouldn't that maximize queen's personal and royal potential to have a cordial relationship with her step daughter and have continuity of reign rather than perishing tragically? How can we react if in our personal or professional story, a millineal is "threatening" our coveted position? Luckily for us there are only three variables in this pivotal scene, namely the Instrument (Mirror on the wall), the Intent (Queen's Question and inferred - to remain 'fairest of them all' FOREVER) and the Impact (Action sequence that unfolds when Mirror replied to the Queen's question). Please join me in brainstorming questions to venture into perhaps uncharted territory.
Instrument : Maxim 1: If we want the TRUTH, we should be able to handle it! Given the queen knows that the Mirror tells the truth, how mentally prepared was she prior to the consult to get an unfavorable answer I wonder! Truth is powerful sharp knife like the intellect, as it cuts both ways. I recall the court scene from the movie "Few good men" where Colonel Jessup played by Jack Nicholson is forced to respond to a similar pivotal question and his assertion ("You can't handle the truth") questions readiness of the listener. What if the mirror knew the queen wasn't ready? Should it steer her away from impending demise that will unravel as it does in the story once she knows the answer is not in her favour? May be the mirror doesn't have freedom of choice. What if the instrument who is being consulted was a human instead and the question more contemporary ("Do I look fat"?)? What would you as the mirror or questioner give or want respectively as the answer - Truth or white lie or a round-about reply? Also what if the mirror was a millineal spirit? For instance, people nowadays hire coaches and mentors who are younger than themselves (thankfully, contrary to my own cognitive bias as I thought later were always older ;). So will changing the mirror personality change the outcome or will it remain the same? Perhaps the mirror has done its job well of being truthful!
Intent: Maxim 2: Live and let live. What was the reason behind the queen's question ("who is the Fairest of them all")? What is the underlying emotion behind asking this - Longing to be fair vs unfair? Rule the chair? Was there self-doubt issue? Perhaps the importance and urgency at that time and place - among other things that may or may not be happening in the kingdom - we may never possibly fathom? From my mind map below we can see it is a continuum - survival to self-actualization need expressed in rational, emotional ways - Which quadrant is the queen's intentionality arising out of - "Typical theatre"? What if her mindset wasn't so Darwinian-Rational (survival of the "Fairest"?) wouldn't that change the narrative significantly?
Suppose the queen was a on a (scientific?) quest to find the fairest maiden, she would use different instrument (Google instead of Magic mirror?). Being faithful, can at best lead to prayer to be reinstated as fairest maiden So wouldn't you agree only when her intent shifts (from deemed evil to live-and-let-live) would both the question and the response to truth alter? Placing yourself in any other quadrant what is the question that arises for you? Logically? or Going beyond logic into intuitively? What would be your default quadrant? As a coach, apart from mirroring, we have conversational intelligence so we ask clarifying questions on the intent and explore planned response and hence help you look at the problem holistically.
Impact : Maxim 3 : Take responsibility of one's choices. After hearing the mirror's truthful answer, we all know the impact that arose from just reacting as the queen did. Is it even conceivable that the queen could have counted 1 to 10 or taken some deep breaths and responded consciously or mindfully? Would that then lead to different CHOICE and actions that the queen could have taken? To uncover one's response to mirror's answer we can use visualization (With your permission - Take a moment : Imagine yourself as the Queen hearing "Snow white as the fairest" or "In your life/work is someone younger/older! better than you") What emotions it creates in you? How can the queen disrupt herself given she got a response she didn't like? How much of it is culturally conditioned and so-called below the water-line, thus not easily accessible as shown in the picture below. How to make conflicts visible so we take responsibility of our life choices?
So if you were to rewrite the story line and change the outcome, will "The queen and snow white lived happily ever after" be one possibility? Are these three variables sufficient or additional ones needed?
Cross-Cultural perspective
Being comfortable in both east and west fairy tale, stories/epics, I see many parallels and leadership lessons. More fundamentally, it is typical for logical mind to get clouded and not perceive the reality as is. Thus choosing right mirror and intent is key for right impact. Mindfulness or meditation practices are ways to iron out the logical mind, so that you become like a piece of mirror. If you want to perceive the nature of your life, you should be willing to look beyond the limitations of the logical mind. Otherwise life beyond survival into self-actualization is going to be one long, endless, fruitless struggle I have seen. It can hardly get you to solution you want. It can only increase the complexity of the problem of life. Meditation or Self-coaching are, what I call prescriptions from the spiritual path, to fundamentally to handle this logical mind which is building up a certain level of tension within you as you make life decisions. If it is constantly strung tight, then the very life energy in you will become weak and lose its intensity and vibrancy over a period of time. Letting the mind just be there without employing the logical distortion is one way to loosen it. As my guru says "if your mind learns to just simply be there, it becomes like the piece of a mirror. The beauty of the mirror is, a mirror has no face of its own. Logic has a face of its own since everybody has their own kind of logic. Thus two people can argue endlessly about the same issue, simply because everybody’s logic has its own face". Perhaps instruments like Hegel's dialectics can help to traverse Being-Nothing-Becoming triad. However, he adds "as a mirror has no face, in this little piece of mirror, you can reflect the whole mountain. You can contain the whole mountain in a tiny mirror; you can contain the sun in the little mirror. Once the mind goes beyond the duality of logic, it becomes like a mirror which can contain the whole existence. Cool!
What do you think? What change are you striving to rewrite in your personal or professional story? Would love to hear your views and connect to discuss how you can avoid the queen's predicament!