Rewire your mind [Part 2]

A framework for when you feel stuck into a way of being

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Last week recap

Goal: improve your mindset

How: by rewiring your mind and overcome mindset block

What: Learn to do it with one pattern (a set of consistent behaviors, thoughts, and emotions that influence your action in a given situation.)

Steps you took

1 - Identify (one of) the patterns holding you back from being ideal-future-you

2 - Find the payout: the benefit you getting from staying that way

3 - Dig out the hidden fees: the price you pay for staying that way, but did not realize you were paying. That one stings a bit, doesn’t it?

Link to last week’s edition if you want to read it first

Now what?

Step 4 - Time to do the math!

You’ve got new data now. And if we’re anything alike, you’re likely ahead of this step: updated balance sheet (anyone else in the midst of tax returns?).

You look at the payout, compare it to the cost you already knew, add in the hidden cost you found.

What we expect: Bam, snapped out of it, thank you! (and it could happen)

What usually happens: negotiations.

Remember how our minds are a bunch of kids running a board meeting in our heads? Ever tried to convince a tired kid they should sleep?

Step 5 - You gotta negotiate

Here’s what happened:

• Unconscious-you had goals but did not realize some specific behavior, thoughts, and emotions were sabotaging or slowing you down.
• You became aware of them. Now, rational-you sees your pattern and wants to get rid of it. The data ain’t lying!
• Irrational-you resists. They feel unsafe, this has not been changed in forever, we don’t know what would happen, ‘it’s a 'no no’.

Now, here you are, fighting in your own head, in two different languages (reason and emotion).

Note: this is why we tackle only one or two things at a time. When we try to change too many things about ourselves, too fast, we remove all of our points of reference, which can feel very disorienting.

Life spins us around enough, don’t disorient yourself. Take baby steps. You’ve likely noticed how your pattern impacts different areas of your life, including the little stakes ones. If you struggle to say no, it likely happens at work, with family, and in small situations such as take-out decisions.

Start here, with the small things. Focus on how awesome it feels to eat Italian when you feel like it, and mostly how it feels when you honor and prioritize your needs.

There’s likely a bit of discomfort and weirdness (because it’s so new), but also a really good, soft, relieving feeling. Stay in it.

Give yourself time to adjust, be curious, notice the hidden costs as they occur, watch how the reward feels when you step out of the pattern, try it out in different scenarios.

Notice your change of energy, when you stop acting out of fear, or lack and start acting based on your desire, on self-love, intuition, or focus. It feels different in your body and mind, trust that. (I feel it physically in my shoulder, like suddenly I have more space in the breathing area, it depends on people and patterns though).

The weirdness of your new behavior or thoughts will fade out, and this soft really good feeling will deepen

As you get used to it, you’ll move on to bigger and bigger stakes. Until it becomes your new normal.

Step 6 - Be gentle on your unconscious and irrational behaviors, be incredibly disciplined with your conscious mind.

Now, you gotta maintain this new normal.

You’ll see yourself fall into that pattern unconsciously, in new areas, and you’ll catch yourself earlier and earlier on. It’s sometimes frustrating, be gentle, you’re learning a new way of being. It’s no small task.

When under pressure, or in different territories, the old pattern will pop out, it’s ok. That’s when you’ll need discipline. Notice, refrain from judging, rectify your behavior or thought process, repeat, until it’s a new normal.

Be gentle on the thing you do unconsciously or out of irrational fears, be curious about what happened, then be laser-focused on the change you want to implement.

It’s both a hard-to-swallow pill and a relief: your mindset is constant work, you don’t just get physically fit, you have to practice it. It’s the same with your mind.

I hope this framework will be a good mind workout buddy!

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As more and more over-thinkers join this newsletter community (thank you!), I figured it would make sense to tell you more about me.

What can I tell you?

I’m Orianne, a mindset and leadership coach. I coach brilliant humans who perform very well but want to improve their relationship with themselves (their minds). I am a chocolate addict, live by the beach, and always read two books at the same time (currently The Celestine Prophecy and Naval Ravikant).

Please if you’re new here, feel free to say hi back with three random facts about you!