Story of Rewind

MY OWN STORY OF HEARTBREAK AND REGRET

Yesterday, I found myself in a movie theater, crying in this movie called Rewind.

I had no idea what the film was about.

I just saw on TikTok that it's the highest-grossing Manila Film Fest Movie of the year.

I've been feeling crummy lately, stuck at home sick.

Feeling under the weather and seeking a break from my sickness-induced isolation,

I messaged my brother, "Where are you? Date me to a movie!" he was like, "Yeah, let's do it."

He agreed in a heartbeat, like most of the time.

We ended up watching with his five daughters.

The ticket that V, my assistant, bought was in the front row because it was almost sold out.

Walking in, the cinema was indeed a full house. I thought, "This must be something good."

Halfway through the film, I'm suddenly tearing up.

And I'm someone who despises sobbing in public, but I couldn't help it.

The movie took me back to a tough day I had with my Dad.

It was the last day of school, and I went to see him in the hospital.

He was there, just lying in bed, watching some comedy show.

It was just him and me for a bit; there was a super awkward silence.

Alone with Dad, I was caught in a moment of awkwardness.

Despite our close bond, words failed me.

He tried to lighten the mood, asking about school and my upcoming graduation.

“How's school? Excited for graduation? Do you want to eat at your favorite restaurant after?”

I responded with a timid smile and said, "Yes." I kinda just mumbled back.

My Dad and I have a tight relationship. Some even say I'm his favorite.

He plays with me, buys me my favorite food, drives me to school, and supports me at any events I wish to participate.

In that hospital room, I just froze up. I didn't know what to say.

I'd never been the one visiting someone else in the hospital before.

Growing up, I was mostly by myself.

I lost a couple of siblings when I was young, and the others were always busy. So I got used to holding stuff in.

I'd learned to keep my emotions locked away, a self-imposed shield against the world.

And I guess keeping my thoughts and emotions to myself is my way to protecting myself and becoming courageous, or so I thought.

So, there I was, wanting to say so much but just clammed up.

I remember offering him my favorite sour candy, a simple gesture that sparked a brief but precious conversation.

As I left that day, I was urged by my mom to say goodbye to Dad.

I really wanted to say something.

Something like:

“Get well soon."

"I miss playing with you."

"I will wait for you at home."

"I love you Dad."

But I left without a single word.

I couldn't muster the words I longed to say.

All I did was leave the pack of my favorite candies on his hospital bed and my unspoken feelings lying beside him.

The next morning, the world as I knew it shattered.

My Mom told me, “Your Dad passed away.”

My Dad was gone.

And just like that, everything changed.

All that is left with me is this huge regret.

All those things I never said.

All that love I never got to express.

Regret.

I regret not being courageous enough to tell him how much I love him.

I regret not encouraging him to get better so we can do more of what we used to do.

I regret not making him feel as much as how he makes me feel loved and appreciated.

I regret not letting him know how much he meant to me as a father and best friend.

Regret.

The most painful thing you can experience in life.

A relentless echo of lost opportunities.

The most profound pain of my life.

How I wish I could turn back time and rewind.

But there's no rewind in real life.

This was the hardest lesson my Dad taught me.

21 years later, I still feel it to my bones.

A lesson in the fragility of time.

A heartbreak I've brought to this day.

But you know, sometimes, life's hustle makes me forget this heartbreaking lesson.

I tend to take things for granted.

I have this ego and masculinity in me that I just can't loosen up sometimes.

But watching "Rewind," it brought it all back.

Life's short and unpredictable.

It reminded me that life is fleeting, that destiny is beyond our control, and that in an instant, everything can change.

We always think we've got more time, but sometimes, there's no next time, no tomorrow.

We often take moments for granted, assuming there will always be another chance, another day.

But what if there isn't? What if that moment is all we have?

This movie hit me hard, reminding me to hold onto every moment and to say those important things while I can.

It rekindled the gratitude for every fleeting moment.

A reminder to cherish and express love, before it's too late.

I hope we all don't wait until it's too late.

Until another painful regret and heartbreak comes along.

Live better - love better,

Jozelle ??