Revive Your Confidence: From Hesitant to Heroic
Maria Newman
Helping the retired, the redundant and the divorced to regain their confidence, reconnect with who they are and silence their inner critic so they can navigate life with certainty
Hands up if you’ve ever had to:
Now, hands up if you felt completely confident while doing it.
The truth is, we all have some level of confidence.
There will be some things that you are super confident at doing and you don’t think twice about. There will be other things that scare you and make you feel less than confident leaving you wishing you didn’t have to do them.
However, when life throws a curveball, it can knock the wind out of us.
For many, whether it’s redundancy, retirement, divorce or returning to work after having kids, those big changes can put us at a crossroads. And often, self-esteem is the first casualty.
As a coach, I work with people facing these kinds of moments. Their “today” doesn’t look like their “yesterday,” and it’s left them doubting their abilities, questioning their worth and wondering how to move forward.
So, how do you regain your confidence when it’s been shaken to its core?
Let me share with you what confidence is to me and how you can start building yours again, whether you’re navigating a new chapter or just trying to figure out how to show up as your best self.
Why Confidence?
First, I want you to consider why you want to be more confident.
Is it because you need to put yourself out there for a new job?
Or maybe you’re a new mum returning to work and you feel like you can’t?
Or maybe you’ve just stepped into retirement and the thought of having nothing to do fills you with dread?
Confidence is the key to unlocking those doors, although first, you need to build both inner and outer confidence.
Inner confidence is about your self-esteem and being comfortable with who you are, regardless of the situation.
Outer confidence is about being comfortable in new situations, whether it’s starting a new job, meeting new people or seemingly starting again.
Here are 5 actions you can take that will help you find your confidence now that life looks a little different.
Get to Know, Like and Trust Yourself
If you’re not comfortable with who you are then you will find it more difficult to put yourself out there. Being comfortable in your own skin creates a solid foundation from which you can propel yourself forward in any situation.
Start by asking yourself:
If this feels uncomfortable or difficult, try this exercise.
Set a timer for five minutes, look in the mirror, and list the things you do like about yourself.
At first, you might be tempted to only see the flaws, who doesn’t?
Instead, focus on your positives and start small like “I have kind eyes” or “I like my smile”. Then move on to your personal qualities like “I’m good at problem-solving” or “I make people laugh”.
You’ll be surprised at what comes up.
Confidence is a Muscle, Exercise It
Confidence isn’t a magical quality. It’s something you build like a muscle. And like any muscle, it grows the more you use it. This means stepping outside your comfort zone regularly.
My son, when he was 6 and about to start Year 2, wasn’t thrilled about going back to school. A new classroom, a new teacher and sitting next to someone new. It felt daunting.
As we were walking to school and I was holding his hand I simply said to him, “What if those nerves are actually excitement?” After a moment of silence, he looked up at me and simply said, “Mummy, you might be right”.
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It shifted his perspective. Now, he’s in Year 4 and not bothered at all.
Confidence works the same way for us grown-ups. Every time you try something new, you strengthen that confidence muscle. If you want to build your confidence, you need to work it.
Every Situation is Neutral, it’s All in the Mindset
Every situation is neutral until we attach meaning to it.
It’s the thoughts we have about the situation that shape how we feel. It’s these feelings that influence how we turn up and the actions we choose to take. This is then what determines the results we experience.
For example, before a big job interview, if you’re thinking, “I’m going to mess this up,” you’re already setting yourself up for failure. You’ll be feeling nervous anyway and now you’re also feeling like you’re not capable. As a result, you turn up not at your best, fumbling your words and wishing it was over already. Ultimately you do mess up and so you don’t get the job.
What if you dared to think differently?
What if, you actually believed in yourself? What if you allowed your thoughts to confirm that you will do your best which is good enough?
It starts by being aware of those thoughts. Are they helpful, or are they holding you back? You’re in charge of your narrative, so choose thoughts that empower you, not ones that knock you down.
Remember, every situation is neutral until we attach meaning to it with the words we use. So choose wisely.
Reframing Negative Thoughts
Think about those scenarios that make you feel most nervous, finding a new job, returning to work or starting a new life.
What thoughts pop into your head?
Maybe, “I’ll never find another job” or “I can’t return to work after all this time” or “how can I start again when I’ve lost everything”.
Let’s reframe those thoughts.
How about, “I am open to new opportunities and the right job will come when the time is right” or “I have gained valuable life experience, and I’m ready to contribute in a new way” or “This is a chance for a fresh start and I have the strength to rebuild from here.”
By reframing your negative thoughts, you can change how you approach these situations.
Visualise Putting on Your Confidence Coat
Finally, one of the best ways to become confident is to have a picture of what that looks like.
That’s why visualisation is so powerful.
It is powerful because it gives your brain a blueprint of what confidence looks and feels like.
Just close your eyes and picture someone who you admire who is confident. What is it about them that makes them confident?
How do they look? How do they hold themselves? What is their body language like? How do they speak?
Once you have a clear picture step into their body and see life through their eyes. Feel what it is like to be them. This is your confidence coat.
Whenever you need an immediate hit of confidence simply do this exercise so you can put on your confidence coat.
Life’s twists and turns can knock your confidence, although they can also mark the beginning of a new chapter. Whether you’ve experienced redundancy, retirement, divorce, or you’re a new mum navigating your return to work, remember this: confidence isn’t a fixed trait. It’s something you can build, step by step, moment by moment. And if you ever need a little help along the way, that’s what coaching is for. We can rebuild that confidence together and help you step into your new chapter with self-esteem, clarity, and strength.
Does your confidence need a boost?
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If you’re ready to take that next step, I offer three free Ignite Your Life 30-minute coaching calls each week. Just click this LINK to register your request
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You might also like to read, Your inner critic is controlling your life: 3 actions that will give you back control
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