Revisiting our New Year Resolutions
Do you remember your New Year resolutions made on 1st January?
Or have they become a distant memory? If so, you have joined the ranks of the Quitters*!
The second Friday of January is known as Quitters’ Friday. It is apparently the day when most give up on their New Year Resolutions. For good measure, I waited an additional month to see if anyone is still holding strong to their resolutions. ?
Did you give up even after trying various techniques below to ensure greater chances of success** e.g.
If you have already given up on your New Year resolutions, perhaps today is the time to revisit them to reflect on why you gave up on them. Was it that you needed to incorporate more suggestions above to persevere?
Or was it because the year has turned out to be different from what you expected? Was it because those goals now look trivial?
There are at least three good reasons why today is a good time for reflection.
First, it’s another new year- Lunar/ Chinese New Year! New Years are a great time to make resolutions, changes to our lives, because they represent a fresh start or clean break or time for a reset.
Furthermore, traditionally, Day 5 of the Lunar New Year (i.e. today) is not only the day when businesses reopen after the new year break (to welcome the god of wealth [Caishen] on his birthday) but also the day to break five ['破五'] poverty (i.e. intellectual, learning, literacy, life and relational).
What a time to reflect on these areas of our lives!
Second, today is Valentine’s Day! It’s unfortunate that it has largely become commercialized, whether with the giving of roses or exchange of chocolates or giving of cards. However it remains a good day to be even more intentional about spending time with our loved ones and listening to what matters to one another.
Often we are so distracted by our personal goals that we neglect our relationships. We buy gifts because ‘it is the thing to do’, something to check off the list of to-do. We fail to consider what our loved ones’ love or appreciation languages are. Worst, we assume that our relationships with family and friends will remain in spite of our neglect.
What we forget is that the best set of powerpoint presentation, the most meticulously prepared set of accounts, the largest corner office, the most elegant codes, the cabinet of trophies, the crispiest ironed shirt— these will be cold comfort at our final moments. Consider:
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Last, today is Ash Wednesday, which marks the start of the season of Lent. Lent is a time for Catholics and Christians to prepare for Easter by fasting and praying. On Ash Wednesday, the priest or pastor will place ashes on the foreheads of the believers, saying ‘for dust you are, and to dust you will return’ to remind them of their need for repentance, their mortality, and the mercy of God.
Even if you are not from the Catholic or Christian tradition, Ash Wednesday reminds us that our time on earth is limited (around 4,000 weeks). Focus on what is worthy in your while (hence ‘worthwhile’) instead of simply whiling away. ?Consider:
Ultimately, making new year resolutions is a sign of our recognition that not all is right with us. That there are areas in our lives that we are dissatisfied with and want to change-- behaviour we want to exhibit, habits we want to inculcate, outcomes we want to achieve.
What we cannot change is the finality of our lives here. To die well, we need to live well. To live well is to continually reflect on our lives. Only then can we create meaningful New Year resolutions and goals that are aligned to our life purpose.
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* Quitting has such a bad reputation. We often use variants of ‘quitters don’t win and winners don’t quit’ in conversations to show our determination. Parents and teachers use the Chinese idiom, '半途而废' [Ban Du Er Fei] to remind students to persevere on their revision and not give up half-way before the exams. ?
Whilst chastising quitters, we celebrate stories of tenacity and perseverance, especially those who succeed against all odds, to climb a mountain or complete an arduous task. We read inspirational stories [those who grew up in the 1990s would remember Chicken Soup for the Soul series], blast soaring anthems (like Rachel Platten’s Fight Song) or listen to Ted Talks or Commencement speeches to push ourselves.
Yet we should not forget that not all quitting is bad. For instance, we may want to quit smoking or over-eating at buffets. We may even have been told off to stop taking another slice of bak kwa during the Chinese New Year visitations!
It’s not so much that quitting is bad as what to quit. Annie Duke, in her 2022 book Quit, reminds us that” Quit and grit are two sides of the exact same decision. Decision-making in the real world requires action without complete information. Quitting is the tool that allows us to react to new information that is revealed after we make a decision.”
It only makes sense to persevere when we know that the goal is worthy.
**Katy Milkman’s How to Change has excellent suggestions on how to deal with the common challenges to change i.e. forgetfulness, procrastination, impulsivity. If you are particularly pressed for time, you could even skim the summaries at the end of each chapter.