Revisiting (or creating) New Year's Resolutions in February

It’s been one month and five days since the disco ball in Times Square dropped. By now, many of us are back to drinking coffee instead of juicing vegetables. Some of us have settled back into soul-sucking jobs for another year—maybe for that bonus, or maybe out of fear of the unknown.

I have several friends who reject the idea of making New Year’s resolutions, because they believe making a grand declaration to change themselves on a national holiday is a surefire way to let themselves down. Change happens when you want to change, not when the calendar says it’s time, they say—and I see their point. Making promises to yourself is a deeply personal matter. Everyone learns differently and I imagine everyone changes differently too.

In her book, The Four Tendencies, Gretchen Rubin wrote about how understanding what motivates us can help us create and maintain change. You could have the tendency of being an upholder, questioner, rebel, or obliger. You can take her free quiz here if you are curious. For example, I’m meant to be an upholderwho likes to make and keep New Year’s resolutions. If you are an obligerwho prioritizes others’ needs before your own, you have a better chance of making your health goals come true by getting an exercise partner you don’t want to let down, or by telling yourself that you are really making those healthy meals for your whole family, not just for yourself, for example. 

For me, the coming of a new year feels like the right time to slow down, reflect and decide what I want more or less of in my life. I enjoy the annual ritual of sitting down (often just on my train commute) with a clean notebook and a fine point, felt-tipped pen. I reflect on what I’ve done in the past year, what I did not or could not do, and what still resonates with me. I carry the notebook around with me for those first few weeks of the year and see what I’m still excited about. It’s a slow, exciting and creative process for me.

That’s not to say I get everything done on my list. In fact, “get a driver’s license” was on my list for 12 long years (of my adult life)! Becoming a great driver is still on my list. Ha. Leaving a job I loved in order to try something new was on my list for two years before it happened. Becoming a coach was on my list one year, and it happened that year. 

When the excitement of a New Year’s resolution starts to wear off (February, anyone?), I like to look back at my list and see what still resonates. This allows me to feel good about whatever progress I made, and see what low-hanging fruit I can grab to rekindle that first-week-of-January momentum. I enjoy thinking about what I can do to make more progress. I try to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made—and I’ve had some spectacular fails already-—but I love knowing that I still have 10 more months to fix what’s not working.

This can be a deeply satisfying experience for any time of the year. You can do it right now, in February—and not only because the Lunar New Year begins this month.

Here are the questions and tools that I have found most useful and inspirational. I would love to hear what has worked for you. (And if you have any tips on how to become a more confident driver, I’m all ears!)

Set Your Yearly Theme

I used to just make a laundry list of things I wanted to do. In the last few years, I have started to think more about bigger themes. The following questions helped me uncover those.

1) “What do I want?”

This question is a gift to yourself. Give yourself the courtesy of waiting for, then really listening to, the answer. You might find some answers: to leave your job, to start your own business, to go on a fabulous vacation to Europe. Or more simply, to spend more time with your family.

2) “How do I want to live, or BE, this year?”

I started asking myself this question two years ago, and it has helped me come up with a broad theme for the year ahead. In 2015, I promised to relax and do less.

In 2016, I vowed to play and work like a kid.

Once I’ve decided on what I want and how I want to be, I ask myself:

3) What can I do, and what do I need, to meet this goal?

If you want to be healthier, you may choose to eat more nutritious foods more often, and exercise more often.

If you want to feel more peaceful, you may decide to start meditating or do yoga. 

If you don’t know how to do something you want to try, you can sign up for a class or find a professional who can teach you (a coach, consultant or expert whom you can pay or with whom you can barter services). 

Explore What Else You’d Love to Do

Beyond the bigger themes, I love making a simple list of things I want to do without attaching them to bigger goals. For this, I ask myself: 

• What do I want to get done (a home project, resume, decluttering)?
•  What do I want to try for fun, or if I have time (visit a museum a month, write a short story)?
• What do I want to learn (new language, coding, cooking)?
• What do I want to do someday (but not now)?

In his book Getting Things Done, productivity expert Tim Allen explains that the key to getting things done is writing all your thoughts and wishes onto actionable lists. Doing so will get rid of anxiety, put you at ease, and get you in the right mindset to do everything you’ve been wanting to do.

One of the lists he suggests you keep is a “Someday/Maybe” list. I use this list as a place to collect inspiration. You may even create an actual vision board, if you prefer visuals. Phone Notes app or Evernote is a great place for this list. Every year, I look at my “Someday/Maybe” list and ask myself, “is this the year I will do it?” Combined with “I want to but”, (see below “Where do I feel stuck?”), this can be a powerful place to store your great ideas to incubate so they’re not floating in your head a daily basis or getting lost over time. 

Pick Your Signposts of Success and Troubleshoot Your Challenges

Once I’ve figured out what I want to do, I ask these questions to help myself achieve my goals:

1) How will I know I’m on my way? 

Come up with just a few milestones on the path toward what you want. When I was transitioning to be a coach, one of my goals was, literally to be a coach. One of my milestones was to have a roster of ten paying clients by a certain date. Another one was having the confidence to know that I was actually helping my clients. 

2) Where do I feel stuck? 

If you see the same obstacles to your goals coming up each year and feel frustrated (such as my 12 year old goal of getting a license), try the “I want to…, but…, so I will…” method to troubleshoot why you’re getting stuck. I wish I could remember where I saw this trick, but I don’t. Try filling out these sentences:

I want to______, but _______.

Then add one—or several—step you can take to navigate around the problem: …so I will ___________.

Example: I want to be fit, but I have no time to exercise because when I’m not working I’m taking care of my baby at home. So I will a) have a babysitter/friend/spouse watch my baby two days a week; b) find an exercise I can do with a baby three days a week and/or c) walk up and down the stairs at the office.

Build and Use a Team

Building a dedicated team for my success, what I call “Team Caroline,” is an important reason I’ve been able to do accomplish things I wanted for myself. Your team might include a coach, a tutor, a cleaning person, an accountant, a friend who is kind to you on a bad day, or a neighbor who takes turns with you picking up kids after school. Really think about the resources (money, people, time) you have at your disposal. You don’t have to do it alone. Ask for help. Surround yourself with people you like when you’re trying to make a change.

Make It Fun

Find ways to get excited about your process of change. I love the idea of playing games to improve your real life. Jane McGonigal who created the game, “Superbetter” was able to overcome brain injury related difficulties by asking for help, finding small “boost ups” (remember the extra power you earn every time your Pac Man eats up those cherries?), and unleashing her best qualities. This idea, presented in her TED talk, is such a fun way of looking at the world.

I’ve “game-ified” learning Spanish with Duolingo, a free language learning app, and getting a kick out of tracking of my steps on my iPhone.

And lastly, for fun, reward yourself! Treat yourself in big or small ways—it doesn't have to be expensive—to celebrate a winning streak. It could be a dinner with friends, a movie, a fancy workout class, or a new gadget.

Keep Track of Your Progress

Even if you are not a data geek, it can be motivating to see the progress you make—but don’t obsess over the numbers or the act of keeping track. I have a client who kept a beautiful Google spreadsheet of how many steps she was taking daily, and that worked for her (but this would feel overwhelming to me). “Way of Life” is a popular app that allows users to keep track of up to three goals a day for free (You pay to keep track of more items). It makes the task pain free and creates cool graphs that make it easy to track your goals, stealing just about 30 seconds from your day. I keep track of just few things in the Notes app of my iPhone.

Don’t Wait Until The End of The Year to Review and Reflect

I try to block out some time at the beginning of each season to review my resolutions, see what I want to tackle next, or see what I can do to move forward. I also do a mini version of this at the beginning of each month.

In the podcast episode (#129 Recommendations and Resolutions for 2016) of the Tim Ferris Show, Tim Ferriss said that people often overestimate what they can accomplish in one day (over-packed to-do lists anyone?), but that they underestimate what they can accomplish year to year.

When more of us take time to dream up how we can change, and how we can be better, I imagine the world getting a little bit fuller and brighter.

Good luck! And please share in the comments section your own stories of making and keeping promises to yourself all year round! Happy February!