Revisit: Just And Only
Now, I just got back from a run and I wanted to shoot this quick video because it’s a topic I had earlier with a client of mine I was working with. The two words that came up were just and only. In this conversation, he was telling me, “Doug, I’m just doing this,” or, “It’s only one time.” It’s only one time I’m doing it, or only one cookie or whatever it was. So in our conversation, it happened to be around the area of business. The words just and only kept coming up in this conversation. That’s when I stopped him. Let’s just say his name was Rick. I said, “Rick, it’s not just, and it’s not only. Take those words out of your vocabulary.” So what would you say if you took out the word ‘only’ in that sentence?
What he was talking about in his business is, it’s only one time that we skipped the sales process. This sales process was breaking down all the elements in his marketing and sales funnel. This was causing a lot of disarray in his business, but he kept on saying, “Oh, it’s only this one time. It’s only this one time that this key employee missed the sales meeting.” It’s not. What he really should be saying is, “This key employee missed the sales meeting.” That changes the whole paradigm. That changes the whole structure of the conversation. What Rick was also doing was in the area of his body. He was talking about, “I only cheated on my diet just this one time. I only cheated on my workout and skipped it, just Wednesday.” “Well, it wasn’t just Wednesday, Rick,” because what was happening is he was doing this from week to week. Every time he did this, these just and only, they kept on adding up. They kept on compounding. What he was doing was lowering his standards.
Oftentimes, when we just the words just or only, really what we’re doing is justifying our own lack of expectations, our lack of standards, and our lack of commitment to actually producing quality work and content in our lives. As we lower this bar, we’re continuing lowering this. What it does, is it really makes it easy for us to become complacent, lazy, and make excuses. So what I want you to do is think about your day. Think about those times when you use your vocabulary, how often are you using the words, ‘just’ or ‘only.’ So if it’s in your body, and a body is an easy one for me to keep coming back to, because it comes up so often. “I just skipped the workout on Wednesday,” or “I only overate last night.” These things come up all the time.
But the reality is if you just skip the workout this week, and maybe next week, you just give out two workouts, or maybe it’s just three. You only overate three times this week, that adds up over time, and it adds up to lack of commitment and which diminishes. It makes you feel like you’re a liar internally. Now this lowers your standards, as I said before, which causes a lot of problems here. It really blocks you from becoming the author of your own story. You’re setting up your own barriers in front of you, and blocking your recognition of these barriers being there. So what I mean is, what we’re doing, is we’re making excuses for ourselves, but we’re also lying to ourselves. Your subconscious mind picks up on these little lies.
If I say I’m going to run tomorrow, and then I wake up and say, “You know what, I’m just gonna sleep in this once,” or, “It’s only one time that I’m gonna skip,” really what I’m saying is I’m lying to myself. I lied because I made a commitment that I’m going to go running in the morning, and now I don’t do it. Then I’m making an excuse. That’s lowering my standards. What I want you to do is grab your journal out, grab it. Write down your Five to Thrive and look where, if anywhere, your constantly saying, ‘just’ or ‘only.’ Oftentimes this is in the body, relationships and business are the three areas I see this come up most with the people that I’m coaching one on one and in conversations with on a regular basis. Now, for you, it could be the spirit, it could be mind, or it could be none of them or all of them. The key is, to be honest with yourself. That’s how you actually progress and become the author of your own story.
It’s facing those realities. So what I want you to do is take out those words in your vocabulary. Take out ‘just’ and take out ‘only,’ because if you take those out, you get to the truth of the situation. I’d love to hear your feedback. Go over to authorofyourownstory.com, sign up for the newsletter, and shoot me an email. Let me know how these two words, ‘just’ and ‘only,’ are playing in your vocabulary right now. I’d love to hear your experience, once you take them out, what you recognize in your own language, and therefore, your own behavior. As always, I want you to share this with at least three people. The first three people that come to your mind right now that you want to have this level of conversation with. Look, you’re taking your time. I try to keep these short and simple, under five minutes, and you’re taking your time, your personal time to listen to these. I hope you’re doing the work.
Now, what I want you to do is take that next step and share this with at least three people, the first ones that come to mind, so you can have conversations that matter. That helps you build your tribe and become the author of your own story.