The Reverse Uncanny Valley: How Being Mean to AI Makes Us Feel Less Human

We've all seen the debates: Should we say "please" and "thank you" to AI chatbots? Most discussions focus on whether politeness leads to better responses from AI. But they're missing something far more important—how being rude to AI affects us.

Beyond Better Responses: The Human Side of AI Interaction

When we snap at Alexa or bark orders at ChatGPT without basic courtesy, we're not just potentially getting subpar results—we're practicing behaviors that can diminish our own humanity. I call this phenomenon the "reverse uncanny valley," where instead of AI becoming unsettlingly human-like, our own behavior becomes unsettlingly machine-like.

The traditional uncanny valley, coined by roboticist Masahiro Mori, describes how we become increasingly comfortable with robots as they become more human-like, until they reach a point where they're almost human but not quite—creating a sense of unease or revulsion. The reverse uncanny valley suggests that as we interact more with AI, we risk falling into patterns of behavior that make us feel less human ourselves.

The Psychology of Power and Politeness

There's something seductive about having an infinitely patient, always-available entity that we can order around without consequences. No please, no thank you, no consideration for tone or timing. But this power dynamic can reshape how we approach human interactions.

Consider how children learn social skills partly by practicing politeness with stuffed animals and toys. Similarly, our interactions with AI—even though we know it's not sentient—can reinforce or erode our social habits. When we consistently drop basic courtesy with AI assistants, we're essentially practicing rudeness, making it more likely to seep into our human relationships.

The Mirror of Interaction

Every time we interact with AI, we're not just getting information or completing tasks—we're seeing a reflection of ourselves. When we're curt, demanding, or hostile, that reflection shows us someone who's comfortable with those behaviors. Even if we intellectually know we're talking to a machine, our emotional and social brains don't always make that distinction so clearly.

The irony is that by treating AI as purely mechanical tools that don't deserve courtesy, we risk mechanizing our own behavior patterns. Just as muscle memory develops through repetition, social behaviors strengthen through practice—whether with humans or machines.

Building Better Habits

We don't need to pretend AI has feelings or consciousness to recognize how our treatment of it shapes us. The courtesy we extend to AI systems serves primarily to maintain our own social skills and humanity. When we choose politeness in our AI interactions, we strengthen habits that keep us grounded in our human values.

Some practical suggestions:

• Maintain basic courtesy in AI interactions, not because the AI cares, but because you're reinforcing positive social habits
• Notice how different interaction styles with AI make you feel about yourself
• Remember that every interaction is practice for future interactions, whether with AI or humans

Looking Inward

As AI becomes more integrated into our daily lives, how we interact with it will increasingly shape who we become. The reverse uncanny valley presents both a warning and an opportunity: we can either let AI interactions erode our social skills and humanity, or we can use them as opportunities to reinforce our best human qualities.

Our interactions with AI systems shape who we become. By choosing conscious, courteous engagement, we can preserve our humanity even as automation reshapes our world.