Returning to Work

Today a woman who has a very important place in my life goes back to work after being a stay at home mum for a year. This day is very special as I see her take a step towards a new phase in life full of dreams?along with anxieties about leaving?her little one and uncertainties on how she will balance this very busy life. Last night I was thinking about how I have coped being a professional and a working mum of 2 crazy kids. So here are a few nuggets from my own experience and that of many wise women who I learnt so much from and who will recognize themselves in the stories I share.?

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You haven’t forgotten anything?– While it may seem that working in a business environment is a thing of the past you will be surprised at how quickly everything will come back to you. Infact as I write this I have a message from you saying you have sent out your first report on your first day back in!

?Don’t let anyone make you feel any less competent?– If anything over the last 12 months you have become a much better multitasker, balanced human being and someone with very high EQ.??Organisations should reward mums as they are coming back as better professionals who excel in keeping many balls in the air. So if at any time you feel like you are made to feel inferior or not given the platform for challenging projects because you are a mum speak up. Ensure that your skills are valued and do not settle for anything less. How many people out there have managed to change, feed and calm a baby while having breakfast , booked doctor appointments?and been out of the house in 20 mins?with?3 hours?sleep?the previous night.?

Routine is the new sexy?– Babies thrive in routine. I learnt this the hard way when I tried to be uber efficient every weekend with a new routine. It threw the kids out of whack as they never knew what was coming next. It was hyper-efficient for that moment but highly inefficient when I took a whole day’s view as I figured I wasted so much time trying to find the most optimal routine or calming kids down as they struggled with the uncertainty. The moment I changed that to a routine of swim?at 9 am?, play at 11, lunch at 1230 and so on it left me with more time.

Trust your instincts but not your emotions on a particular day?– Its hard to leave your little bubba in a daycare, at home with a carer or any other arrangement you may have worked out. They will cry, miss you and you will miss them.?A senior leader once told me how her 6 year old had written an essay in school that when she grows up she wants to be a “proper mummy” and not like her mum who at that point was leading the world’s biggest FMCG brands. She said she wept for days thinking about that essay but of course today her 18 year old who is a getting all A stars at school?credits her mum for being her role model. So deal with the tears for a few days and on tougher days read the Harvard study that “Working Mothers Raise More Successful Daughters and Empathetic Sons”. God knows we need more successful women and empathetic men!?

Don’t count the pennies –?Quality childcare?is eyewateringly expensive in many countries. I had my children when I was an entry level manager and I sometimes wondered if the money left after I had paid for childcare is worth the time I spent without them. I was advised to not go down this path in a purely mathematical fashion. I was asked to consider the value of the experience I will gain and the professional opportunities this will give me.?

Focus on what’s important to you beyond being a mum –?For most of us the role of being a mum is beautifully rewarding. Given that this can take a lot of your energy we may give up our interests, ignore other roles like being a friend, a wife, a sibling or a child or ignore our own health. Over time we then change as a person and miss that “young girl” we once were.?While this will need a lot of planning and discipline try to find some time for the other very important aspects of your life. It may not be the same amount as it was pre baby but every little counts.?

It takes a village to bring up a child-?Understand that our generation doesn’t have it easy. We are doing more and living in foreign lands have very thin support systems. Utilise what you have and find more within your situation. 2 extra hours of babysitting, someone to do the groceries, offer from a friend to help, offer from your partner to babysit while you have a night out …NEVER SAY NO. Trust me you will have the opportunity to pay it forward but for now you need all the help you can get.?

Dads are parents too?- Let your husband take a crack at calming your fussy baby, even if you are free or it takes him longer to do so. Understand that his way of doing things may be different but don’t redo things he has done “to make them right”. Also get off this idea of giving detailed instructions. Remember you are very likely dealing with a 30+ year old! I think we are to be blamed as we try to uphold our husbands/partners to our standards and give in to doing things ourselves just to have it our way. The world will not fall if the baby goes out wearing an all orange outfit one day!

Equal parenting not inefficient parenting?-?Try to have a balanced definition of equality in parenting. These days I see lots?of young parents trying to be equally involved in parenting. Sometimes though I feel in their zest for equality they are bringing in inefficiency.?It’s not important to do the all things together ; its more important that you split in a manner that each parent is fully responsible for a certain area so that the other gets time off. 2 people are mostly not needed to feed a child; wouldn’t it be nice if mum or dad feeds 3 days a week while the other parent gets time off to do something else. It seems very cut and dry but I feel is a practical way to manage time.?

Define your competition –?All too often I see lovely women around me worrying about how they cant be present at every school meeting, cant be as well dressed as some other mums at the school drop off, cant be present at every session of post office drinks or are lagging behind their college mates as they took time off work to be a mum. Of course they want nothing but the best but sometimes I worry that they are not being choiceful at picking their competitors.?For me being better than I was yesterday or the best I can be is more meaningful than?any comparisons. Honestly speaking I have had days when I had 2 kids under 4 years just having kids bathed and in bed by?8 pm?gave me a bigger sense of accomplishment than delivering a killer presentation at work!??

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