Returning to Presence

I’ve been in the US this week, first visiting my parents and then working with a team in Houston. The level of tension and stress here is palpable, in a way that it isn’t for me when I’m in Europe. A lot of it is coming from the political situation here – at least for some people, and likely many of you reading this (although, as a client in Serbia reminded me, there is much greater civil unrest in many places around the world). It’s also coming from workplace stress – commercial pressure, fears of losing jobs – and/or from family conflict. A good friend of mine said she could feel anxiety as a constant state in her body and has been spending a lot of time breathing to ground herself.

I was speaking with a client yesterday who is feeling anxious about a big move he’s making from Europe to the US. It’s a promotion, but it’s also causing some rifts in his family, and he’s worried about how he’ll navigate workplace relationships in the US. We were discussing the reactive patterns he falls into, and that the first step is always to come back into Presence. He said “Ok, but how do you do that?”

Similarly, many people I’ve spoken with are also feeling helpless – at a loss of how to respond to whatever it is that is causing them stress. I get it – without going into detail, I’ve been feeling the same. But what do we do in stressful situations where we can’t extricate ourselves, but we also can’t fully control what happens next?

Personally, I’ve found myself returning over and over to what my energy teacher Lynda Cesara calls “The Basics” – core energy skills that it’s vital to master as a foundation for stepping out into the world. She believes that if everyone practices The Basics every day, the amount of trauma and stress in the world would greatly decrease. It’s basically a Presence practice that takes about 5-10 minutes – I do it every morning. Here’s what we do, in case you want to try this at home:

• Find your core. Breathe into the length of your spine – all the way down your back – and up again. Feel how your spine connects to your legs, to your rib cage, and down your arms. As Lynda would say, “Your bones are always at the center of you. When you are centered in your bone, you are centered in your body.”
• Connect to ground. Feel your feet connected to the ground, held in place by gravity. Imagine that you are growing roots from the bottom of your feet that break through the foundations of the building you’re in, the crust of the earth, and go through all the layers of the earth until they connect with the hot magma core. As the roots grow down, imagine that they spread and stabilize you. Send any negative energy you’re holding down those roots to the earth and imagine pulling up the energy you need to better resource yourself.
• Me / Not Me. Scan your body for any energy that isn’t ‘yours’. This might sound esoteric, but I’ve found it usually works with my clients when I ask them to do it in practice – they can usually say “Oh, I’m holding all this tension that is not mine to hold.” Imagine yourself getting rid of it in some way – some of my clients breathe out gray smoke; others literally brush their bodies with their hands, as if wiping it off of them. Once that’s done, see what remains, and imagine calling in any aspects of you that have gone missing (e.g. your natural kindness, compassion, curiosity etc.).
• Edge. We all need boundaries in life to let in what’s good and keep out what’s not serving us. Some do this better than others. Imagine yourself putting a boundary around you – in whatever way that makes sense – and give it the right amount of strength so that it’s firm but permeable. I usually imagine that I’m turning the brightness up or down on my phone.

So there you go – one Presencing practice that can be done every day. There are countless other – meditation, yoga, exercise, a walk in nature. Swimming also does it for me. The goal is to become present to what is happening in the moment, inside you and around you, so that you can act from this space. The client I mentioned earlier said to me: “It’s interesting – when I’m in Presence, I am focused more on doing good rather than avoiding harm.” Exactly, I replied.

Reading poetry also almost always brings me back to Presence. I find this poem by Terry Tempest Williams particularly lovely for its reminder that we are not alone in our troubles. Birds (many animals, really) have a way of holding us in the present moment and teaching us to listen. If you’re feeling overwhelmed this week, perhaps see if you can find a way to communicate through prayer and listen for the response. May it at least bring some temporary peace.

About Friday Pauses

We can all sense how a lack of presence in our daily life affects the quality of our relationships, our ability to form real connections – and yet we struggle to set aside distractions. In my Friday Pauses, I want to encourage us all to do just that – pause for a moment and feel what it’s like to be present by reading a poem.

If you’re new to Friday Pause, here’s what I suggest:

• Minimize or close other screens.
• Put your phone on silent.
• Close your eyes and take a full breath in…and out. Maybe count to four on the inhale and six on the exhale.
• Read the poem below – out loud, if you can. It will slow you down and help you feel the words more.
• Take another deep breath in…and out.
• Resume your day.