Returning Home as a Changed Self

Living and working in a foreign country is a fascinating experience that often shapes a person for the rest of her life – and stimulates both personal and professional growth. Ernest Hemingway put it very aptly when he contended that “If you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feast.” What Hemingway didn’t say though was that international experiences often have a profound impact on you as a person, which makes the return home challenging. In fact, my own research suggests that most international returnees experience higher levels of culture shock than when they moved abroad in the first place.

At first sight, this seems puzzling. It is easy to understand the difficulties of adapting to a culturally novel environment but why should returning home be so challenging? Partly this has to do with a lack of mental preparation for re-adjustment back home. When moving to a second tier city in China, you know that every single aspect of your life is going to change. This is much more difficult to envision when going back, especially when you return to a place you know and whose language you speak. And the newly gained confidence in adjusting to a foreign environment often makes you even less conscious about possible challenges you may face upon return. And yet, the longer you have been abroad, your social circles and life in general back home have moved on as well.

What is more, people around you don't tend to expect your return to be problematic either. This, by the way, may explain why organizations continue to do a relatively poor job in managing repatriation. Friends and family often also fail to provide sufficient social support – and may even struggle at first understanding and placing your changed self. Finally, upon return it often feels as if people around you are not interested in the rich encounters you have had abroad. This is usually not intentional, it is simply a reflection of the difficulty of putting yourself into someone else’s shoes without any first-hand knowledge of what that person has experienced.

So what can you do to ensure your international experience remains a moveable feast? At the most basic level, sufficient self-awareness about changes in yourself, and an awareness about how other people, places and lifestyles back home may have changed can go a long way in preparing your reentry. It is also crucial to find home mentors while you are abroad, both at work and in your private life. Mentors can help you with administrative and logistical requirements during your return, defend your career interests in the home organization, and keep you up to date about other important issues back home.

Regardless of the time spent abroad and the country you have lived in, there are always certain aspects that have remained the same at home, whether it is people, places or activities. Identifying such stable factors and focusing on them can assist you in managing your transition. Further, if an international relocation changes you, then you will most likely also have different social needs upon return. While this is not to say that you ought to severe ties to former friends, finding a group of people with similar experiences can help you not only to debrief but also to expand your existing social circle.

Finally, while it is normal to plan your living arrangements, jobs, and social activities when moving abroad the same applies when repatriating as well. In other words, it is worth having a clear plan for what you are going to do in this new phase of your life, both personally and professionally, especially given the likely changes in your capabilities, preferences and needs. It may sound overly obvious but you should start planning for reentry at least 6 months before you return – and not only when you are on your home flight. Don’t expect your international feast to move itself!