Retirement: A New Beginning or Loss of Purpose In Life?

Joe woke up, looked at the ceiling, and sighed. Another day. What was he to do with this day?

More of the same, most likely. Get up, drink coffee, read the paper, then watch daytime TV. He had been so excited to retire, to finally have the freedom to choose what he did with his days. To relax, read, travel…. But that wore off the first 3 months… and now it seemed the future loomed ahead endlessly. Retirement can cause loss of purpose in life, which can lead to depression.

Even Retirement Can Get Old

He had not expected this to get old so fast. After spending 36 years doing the same thing every day, he thought he would relish and savor the freedom to wake up without an alarm. To eat a leisurely breakfast. Enjoy a second cup of coffee.

After 7 months of this freewheeling lifestyle, he no longer showered every day . Why should he?

He wasn’t going to see anybody. If he went fishing for hours in the sun he would clean up, because he knew he smelled pretty rank. But on a typical day hanging around the house, he didn’t smell that bad…and again, he rarely saw anyone.

It was certainly surprising to realize that all those decades of work had directed him as they did.

He had specific things to work on — every day. The subject matter changed after each project was completed, and he had to admit, it was stimulating. Plus, he felt like he was making a difference in the lives of people on some level.

But now, he just sat around, taking up space, without any real goals in life .

Retirement seemed to be backfiring.

He was already tired of sitting in the quiet, reading book after book. Things he had longed to do, things he had seemed to have no time for, lost their luster now that he had an endless supply of time.

Fishing in the quiet. Walking in the quiet. How fickle I must be, he thought. It’s either feast or famine, but I’m never satisfied, it seems.

He began to think of the futility of life … the endless droning on of repetition and futility. He didn’t fully realize he had suffered a loss of purpose in life.

Why go on? What’s the point?

Joe needed stimulation

He also needed human connection.

One day when he was fishing, he saw a couple was fishing on the same shore a few yards away. He decided he might say hello . As he inched toward them between casts, he finally waved and called hello. They waved back and smiled. After all, it’s important to be quiet when you fish.

Still, Joe’s need for human interaction drove him to keep trying.

A few exchanges of niceties revealed it wasn’t going anywhere, so he packed

up his tackle and the two fish he’d caught and headed for home.

Joe hadn’t always been alone. He had divorced a few years ago, and the loss hadn’t affected him as deeply at the time because he was absorbed in work. But he was realizing now it could be really helpful if he had a companion to talk to on a regular basis. He thought about the couple he had seen while he was fishing, and acknowledged they had something he didn’t. Companionship.

But there was more to it.

He realized he had lost his sense of purpose in life. That deeply felt inner direction to gives life a reason to go on.

He had taken for granted how his career had infused him with that priceless inner compass.

Joe had no idea what to do about it

Then one day, his daughter called. She was his wise and insightful child, and was pursuing a “calling” in psychotherapy, so she often read studies to gain more insight.

She told him about reading a book called, Brain Energy, and how she’d learned that mitochondria in the cells have a huge impact on how people feel and function. She explained that the mitochondria are the mechanism in the cells where energy is produced in every cell.

She talked about diet, and how a high fat, low carbohydrate diet can feed the mitochondria… ketones... for energy, replacing carbohydrates for fuel. The safest and most efficient way to do this is with a dietitian-designed therapeutic nutritional ketogenic diet. It’s called a ketogenic metabolic therapy.

And she talked about the importance of human connection, relationships that are meaningful and mutual. That his divorce from her mom had resulted in his being isolated, but she recognized symptoms of depression in him and suggested they talk about ways to restore relationships in his life.

On top of those things, she emphasized the vital importance of his loss of purpose in life. That certainly resonated with Joe.

They talked about how he hadn’t realized how his job had infused him with purpose, and with the constraints of that gone, he seemed to have found himself adrift.

Treatment, diet, and relationships

“Dad, you’re going to need to take some assertive steps to create change for yourself. You need to get under the care of a good psychiatrist, in case you need meds. Plus you need to involve yourself in activities you believe in and can commit to, where you can contribute and make some kind of difference. And you need to make the effort to start building friendships you enjoy.

“And change your diet, Dad! All the chips and dip you love to eat with your beer need to be replaced with good fats like avocados, whole eggs, olive oil, nuts, yogurt, and salmon. Cook your salmon in olive oil…in fact, cook everything in olive oil. Add avocados to your meals. Skip the potatoes, bread, and rice. You’ll be amazed what a difference you’ll feel in your emotions and your body.”

Joe thought long and hard after his daughter hung up. He looked online for a psychiatrist and a registered dietician, and made appointments with one of each that he found.

The psychiatrist confirmed he was depressed. She explained the concept of metabolic psychiatry, and how metabolism plays a key role in psychiatric health. She confirmed everything his daughter had said. And she offered him a startlingly new approach with comprehensive metabolic assessment and treatment with a treatment team in her own office—not spread out and disjointed —with a registered dietitian, an expert in nutritional ketosis, and dozens of wrap-around supports for lifestyle changes including telehealth, in-person visits, digital apps, body composition analysis, labs, genetic testing, groups, nature walks, videos, recipes — ways to get energized, feel excited, get moving, shrink body fat, and find a new community of friends. There were dozens of

Touchpoints.

And she recommended IV ketamine treatment to restore his brain cells to better function, to help him think in new ways through neuroplasticity, and to lift his outlook, hope, and ability to function.

Joe could see he was entering a new adventure. He began to feel hope.

He also made an appointment with a therapist she recommended.

And he cancelled his appointment with the dietician he had arranged to see on his own and made an appointment with the new one.

He began the ketamine infusions the next day. By the second treatment a couple days later, he felt less flat inside. Then, over the next several infusions, he felt initiative taking hold, motivation to make necessary changes, and hope for a brighter future. He began to see that the power to change his life was in his own hands.

Loss of purpose in life didn’t have to be permanent. He felt the power to change.

While he waited for his dietician appointment, he decided to give away the potatoes, rice, chips, and bread as his daughter had suggested, and went to the store to buy salmon, olive oil, avocados, and eggs. No harm in starting to eat better while he waited to learn what the psychiatrist and dietitian and their team suggested in their collaborative metabolic program.

Then he searched online for opportunities to volunteer in his area. An organization that teaches English and reading skills to migrant children caught his eye.

“Now that’s a place I could make a real difference,” he said to himself.

He called to learn how to join the group, and set out the next day to offer his help.

Before long, he was being trained, then working directly with non-English speaking children who had bright hope in their eyes. During breaks he began to become acquainted with other volunteers and made arrangements to share a meal and go out to fish on the riverside with a few new friends.

Six months later, he called his daughter and told her all the changes he’d made, and how grateful he was to her for helping him find his way. He told her about his new friends, and his activities. And also mentioned one “special friend” who was becoming more and more important to him.

And he talked about the children, and how fulfilling it was to see their lives changing for the better. He knew he was helping them build a better future. He was so grateful for the new purpose in his life.

Have you retired or experienced some other highly stressful life event that left you floundering with a loss of purpose in life?

Finding a role that gives your life meaning , having rewarding relationships, taking care of yourself, and upgrading your food choices are all aspects of living well and enjoying your life.

Does it feel to you like life has become futile, without purpose, and without hope?

If you can relate to Joe and what he was going through, call us.

Loss of purpose can come from retiring, divorce, loss of a loved one, an empty nest, and other changes in circumstances. Recognize these blows can have a devastating effect on your life, and seek help.

We’re here to help you find your way back to a meaningful, rewarding life.

To the restoration of your best self,

Lori Calabrese, MD