Rethinking Competence

Have you ever thought, “If I were really talented, or smart, or capable… this wouldn’t be this hard”??In your mind, the fact that you have to struggle to master or understand something — or indeed struggle with confidence at all — just proves you’re an impostor!

I get it.

Monday, October 25, 2021 marked a decade since my book was published. I’d been leading workshops on impostor syndrome since 1985 and around 1997 self-published a book called How to Feel as Bright and Capable as Everyone Thinks You Are.

You might think that even with the pressure of a six-figure book deal with Random House, writing a book on impostor syndrome should be pretty easy for me. Even I thought it would take maybe nine months. It took me closer to two years.

It was also the h-a-r-d-e-s-t thing I’ve ever done.

I’m telling you this because adjusting how we think about competence is bar none the fastest path to interrupting impostor syndrome. It’s also why I decided to share my experience here.

Excerpted from the Appendix of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Feel Like Impostors and How to Thrive in Spite of It:

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Writing This Book

There’s another secret you need to know. This one comes in the form of a personal confession. I had the good fortune to be approached by a phenomenal agent, who arranged for me to interview with seven major publishing houses. Unlike the others, which were in person, my first interview was over the phone. I felt really good afterward. But as the day went on I started second-guessing myself. Why did I say this? I wish I’d remembered to say that. Was I too long-winded or worse, incoherent?

The irony of pitching a book on overcoming impostor syndrome while doing a total number on myself was not lost on me. In the past, a high-stakes situation like this could have easily led to countless days, weeks, even months of obsessive self-guessing. Instead my unexpected bout with doubt lasted less than twenty-four hours. I wasn’t any “smarter.” I just had the perspective and the tools to talk myself down faster.

Then there was the actual book writing itself. A process I estimated to take no more than nine months ended up taking more than twice that. There were many days when I felt utterly overwhelmed and not at all up to the challenge. All and all, I tossed out as many pages as I ended up keeping. Fortunately there were enough days when the dots connected. Days when I remembered that, like anything else, writing is hard work. It’s one word, one paragraph, one page at a time, followed by innumerable edits.

I told you earlier how something Ted Koppel said changed my life. It turns out that a chance encounter with another journalist would shift my thinking as well. During a low point when I thought I should be much farther along, I had the incredibly good fortune to sit next to preeminent investigative reporter and author Bob Woodward on a flight from Washington. As we parted, he graciously wished me luck on my book and told me he’d just handed in the first draft of his sixteenth book that very week, adding that this meant he was halfway done. To know that Bob Woodward considers a first draft to be only the halfway mark was tremendously reassuring.

I’m a big fan of vision boards. After using one to find my dream house with a view, I created one for this book. On my most challenging days (of which there were plenty) the words and pictures reminded me of why I was working so hard. Did I still get discouraged? You bet. Then a series of events delayed the book by nearly a year. Normally this wouldn’t have been a big deal. But turn the page. Do you see whose picture is smack in the middle of that vision board? My new publish date was scheduled to come just months after the end of the final season of Oprah’s quarter-of-a-century run. Talk about a near miss.

Was it “realistic” for me to think I could be on Oprah’s show? It was a total long shot. Then again—why not me? I vastly prefer dwelling in the world of possibility than in the so-called real world. As Will Smith said, “Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity.” The secret is, it didn't matter if I didn’t get to be on Oprah or that if I had, I would have been nervous as heck. What matters is that I always believed it was possible.

The reason I’m telling you this is because I know you and how your mind works. And I know how easy it would be for you to finish this book only to run into a situation that triggers your own impostor feelings and say, See, it didn’t work. I’m hopeless. What you want is sustained confidence 24/7/365. But that’s simply not how confidence works. As you’ve learned, mistakes, failure, and setbacks are to be expected, no one is perfect, and there’s always more to learn. And that, my bright and capable impostor friend, is a very good thing. [END OF EXCERPT]

The point is fear and self-doubt are just part of life.

Even some of our recently licensed facilitators/presenters almost didn’t apply to the Rethinking Impostor Syndrome? certification program because of their own impostor syndrome. Thankfully once they went through the training and saw the tremendous opportunities to make a living while making a difference, they were glad they didn’t allow normal impostor feelings to get in their way.

Impostor Syndrome Institute co-founder?Valerie Young, Ed.D.?is widely recognized as the leading expert on impostor syndrome. Starting in 1985 Valerie has delivered her highly solution-oriented and surprisingly upbeat message to over half a million people around the world. Her award-winning book The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women: Why Capable People Suffer from Impostor Syndrome and How to Thrive in Spite of It (Crown Business) is available in six languages.

Rethinking Impostor Syndrome? licensing opportunities available at https://impostorsyndromeinstitute.com.