Rethinking anxiety

Traits of successful people. Hard working, intelligent, empathetic. The list doesn't typically include "prone to anxiety". Today's reflection is about anxiety in professional life - and some personal experience that is perhaps worth sharing.

What is anxiety?

Definitionally, anxiety is the fear and nervousness associated with an unknown outcome. It can be both productive and unproductive. In my life there have been many times when it has led me to work harder, to dig deeper - to do the work to ensure the "right" outcome. But at times - in particular when there is emotional weight attached - it can becoming paralysing, stifling and reduce my effectiveness.

Definitionally, anxiety is the fear and nervousness associated with an unknown outcome. It can be both productive and unproductive.

I work mainly in financial services - a sphere in which the "fear of an unknown outcome" should be taken very seriously. The recent collapse of Silicon Valley Bank, the Credit Suisse implosion and other events all point to a lack of consideration of the unknown outcome. Anxiety is important, and from an evolutionary point of view is part of humanity's protective mechanisms.

Personal experience

I've spent most my adult life with persistent anxiety. From my early twenties until as recently as last year, I would experience prolonged periods of weeks to months where the anxiety would have the physical effect of making it hard to breathe properly. I would feel tightness in my chest and an inability to properly fill my lungs (a psych told me its technically called "air hunger" - probably a good description).

There is risk in sharing personal experience that some may choose to see as weakness, but life has taught me that connection and being vulnerable lead to good things. So I'll fill my lungs and write.

I have a close friend who is a clinical psychiatrist. We share a few of the same personality pathologies - we both have restless minds, we both tend to take on too many things at once, and we both suffer from anxiety. In our lives we have both found that this anxiety is often a productive force - it has driven us to achieve many things in our lives. But eventually it also becomes draining - the constant chase leads to a lack of contentment, and at times even more detrimental effects in ones life.

The "why" of my anxiety is a complex question. If I'm being truly open, then I would say that I want people to like me, and even more than that, I want people to validate me. I fear that I am not likeable and not accepted and I experience anxiety driven by the fear, not the reality, of my interactions with people.

Most people in my life would be surprised that I suffer from anxiety. I am outwardly confident, self assured, capable and have achieved a reasonable amount in my life. But this is perhaps the point - we don't tend to talk about anxiety much, because it is seen as weakness, as an inability to cope.

Dealing with anxiety

About a year ago I came to the realisation that denial was not a good way to deal with my anxiety and I sought proper help. It took crisis in my personal life to prompt me to finally take action. Action has been some psychological help, and more importantly I took the step to start taking a low dose SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor). This is an anti-anxiety medication that keeps more seratonin in your system.

The effect at first is subtle, but over time has been profound. The medication has given me fresh perspective, it has calmed my anxiety and helped me to look back and see that at times I have allowed my anxiety to get the better of me. I have also noticed that since I started taking the medication, high anxiety circumstances in my life have not escalated - I am able to process them much more effectively and move through the circumstance much more effectively.

Relationships are a natural antidote to anxiety. I have spent the last year focusing on making more time for relationships, on deepening important relationships in my personal and work life. Relationships provide security, they provide support and they provide an external voice that can challenge one's internal voice.

Lastly, most of us exist in workplaces. Much is written about culture from a positive lens - how to create energy, engagement and productive momentum. I think anxiety is one of the great unaddressed issues in many cultures. We touch on it when we talk about psychological safety, but I think it goes much deeper than this. Strong work relationships, open communication, support and recognition of achievement and affirmation are all critical if we want our workplaces to be environments in which people can do their best work.

I would stress that this is not about making life easy for people. This is not about letting go of accountability and a focus on outcomes. In fact, I would say that one of the greatest things that can be done to address anxiety is to be explicit and clear about accountability and outcome - it removes the "unknown" element of performance. Good cultures make these things explicit, they measure them and they support their team members to achieve.