Resume Writing: The Onion Got It Right (Seriously)

First read this article from The Onion.

I have to commend The Onion (seriously) on how they perfectly satirized the way many applicants think their resume is perceived by hiring managers.

Sadly, The Onion’s fictional resume reads pretty much like 95% of the resumes I see.

Is it eerily close to yours? If so, you may want to strongly consider a re-write.

Your resume is your first introduction to a potential employer and how you sell your strongest attributes. How good of a sales person are you? Are you presenting a powerful image with a captivating story or is it the same generic, cookie-cutter drivel that everyone else uses? The competition is fierce, especially in the sports and entertainment industry, so you need to make a statement if you want to get through the initial screening process.

Here’s a hard truth – There’s a strong chance the hiring manager will never see your resume. Most professional sports organizations have a human resources team that screens through the hundreds (sometimes thousands) of applications. After filtering, they only present hiring managers with the resumes that meet established standards guidelines.  

So how do you get through?

The best way is to make the most of personal connections before you send your resume***:

-       If you know someone at the organization that you are applying to, ask if he/she would be willing to send your resume directly to the HR team and/or hiring manager. Based on your relationship with that person, you can also ask them to include a recommendation or make an introduction.

-       If you don’t have a personal connection at the desired company but you do have one with a well-respected executive at a similar company, ask that if they’d be willing to call the desired company and speak on your behalf.

-       If you don’t have any direct connections, try connecting with company executives on LinkedIn, especially the person that may ultimately be your boss. You can also connect with people that are in the same/similar role as the one you are applying for and ask if they can put you in touch with the appropriate people.

Even with a solid personal connection you still need to have an outstanding resume if you want to make it to the next step.

It’s not about using fancy fonts, colors and graphics (though I’m not opposed to tasteful enhancements); it’s about presenting your content in a way that will capture the reader’s attention.

You do this by making it more about the specific reasons you are the best candidate for the position and less about a chronological telling of your life’s story.

My job is to find the best of the best – the people that will excel in their role, help us to achieve our organizational goals, and elevate our business to a new level. If you want your resume to stand out then you need to speak directly to each of these.

You also need to get to point quickly. The top of your resume should be packed with your successes and qualifying experiences. Don’t bury your strengths below a fluffy objective statement and where you went to college. Your education is important, but not as important as highlighting the ways you meet all of the desired traits in the job description.

While the enthusiastic reactions of the executives in The Onion article are over-the-top, a well-formulated, well-written, and targeted resume will give you much better odds of advancing to the interview phase, and another step closer to achieving your professional aspirations.

Carl Manteau

Sr. Director of Group Sales, Milwaukee Bucks

***The Power of Personal Connections

When I was graduating from college and looking for my first full time job I applied for (literally) hundreds of different positions. I was working as a game day intern for the Minnesota Timberwolves and it never occurred to me to use my personal connections to help my pursuits (pretty naive, I know). Graduating with a master’s degree and a couple seasons of interning in collegiate and professional sports, I had a (false) sense that employers would jump when they saw my resume. They didn’t. Out of hundreds of applications, I received callbacks from less than 5 teams!

One of those calls was from the Cleveland Cavaliers. They were just starting their Inside Sales department and looking to fill their final spots. As luck/fate/coincidence would have it, I got the Cavs call while I was in the Timberwolves arena. Unbeknownst to me, one of the other interns overheard me on the phone and told our manager that I was heading to Cleveland for an interview. When I arrived, the Cavs hiring manager told me that the president of the Timberwolves (a man that I had never met) called him directly to speak on my behalf. I was offered the job before the interview was over. The president's phone call wasn’t the main reason I got the Cavaliers job, but it definitely helped.

When I got back to Minnesota, I asked my manager how it came to be that the president called on my behalf. My manager said that he asked the president to call because he believed in me and knew the power that a call from someone at that level would carry. It was, and still is, one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It taught me a valuable lesson in the power of personal connections but also in how to look out for the people that deserve it (even if they don’t know you are doing it).

The opinions expressed in this article are my own and may not reflect those of the organizations mentioned in it.