results aren't showing... what should I do?

“Rae I’m stressed. I’m not getting the results I want. I know I need to rest and I want to do creative work but because I’m not hitting the results I want, I end up spending any free time doing more work hoping I can get the results, and I’m just… drained.”

Does this sound like you? If you feel this way, I empathise.

Growing up, we’ve been conditioned to see rest and play as our reward only if we hit our goals. “If you get good grades I’ll buy you this toy.” “You got a C for your last test and you still want to join the dance team??”

As much as there is value in discipline and knowing our prioritises in every season of life, our kid brains create our own meaning and explanation for the rules that were set for us. We start living according to beliefs that sound like — “I can only receive nice things if I do well.” or “If I don’t hit the mark, I cannot do things I like.”

These beliefs subconsciously influence the way we live life, and even though our context would have shifted tremendously over time, we’re still living according to the same rules.

But let’s be honest, we know that the rules we had in school may not apply to us as adults. Even though we know this, our body has memorised its reaction to what we see as failure and rejection. We want to avoid the shame and guilt we’ve felt as children, and so we react by: procrastinating, overworking, perfectionism, and more.

You aren’t getting the results you want. So you work harder, even though your body is stressed and asking for rest. If you take a step back and look at the bigger picture, is working yourself harder good for you? Your life is more than your business or your job.

And if you’re making yourself work harder while harbouring thoughts of: “I need to work more to hit my goals otherwise I’ll be disappointed in myself.” What kind of energy will you be bringing into your work? The energy of lack and fear. Bringing lack and fear into any job or business can only lead to more lack and more fear.

My question to you is this: If you were being completely honest with yourself, what do YOU need most now? (Not what your business needs, but what YOU need)

“OK RAE so I need to rest, yes. But I have business goals to hit. I have bills I need to pay. This is life, I’m not living in fantasy land.”

I encourage you to take some time to marinate upon these questions. The energy that you bring into this world WILL influence the reality you create.

Qn 1: What are some truths or life philosophies that guide the way you live life?

I believe that God/ The Universe always has our back. There’s a benefit in my current situation that I don’t see. If I don’t have my desired results, the question I’ll ask myself is: What is this situation trying to tell me/ teach me?

Trust me, dig deep, because deep down you know. It could be:

• I’m not getting more clients because truthfully, I don’t have the capacity for more. I’m already burnt out. If so, ask yourself: How can I build my capacity to serve more clients? What do I need to expand my capacity?
• I’m not getting that promotion because, honestly I don’t think I’ll be a good leader. I don’t wanna speak in front of a crowd. If so, ask yourself: What fears and doubts must I acknowledge and converse with? What can I do to build my self-belief and confidence? How can I step into a bigger self-concept?

This way, you allow yourself to seek the opportunity in the situation. Instead of asking yourself “Why am I like this..?” You ask yourself questions that can actually help you.

Qn 2: What are some truths or life philosophies about business/ building a thriving career?

I believe that the health of a business is the reflection of the health of its leader. When I give myself what I need, my business thrives.

I also believe that businesses, especially people businesses have to be buying from a place of love and abundance. There’s no other way to build it.

With these truths, decisions are easy for me. If I’m drained and feeling defeated, I won’t force myself to sit down and write content, because I know I won’t enjoy it, and I know I’ll be writing from a place of lack and desperation as opposed to from a place of love and joy.

You want to anchor yourself on your beliefs, especially when times are tough. These are the moments where anchoring on them are even more important.

A client of mine, Hwan, who’s a badass young female leader in her organisation shared this with me and our coaching community, which I think is brilliant:

I am careful not to measure my success of the day with results/outcome goals but rather with my process goals. In the sales industry, numbers can never be fully controlled. I can’t allow my emotions to be affected by my outcome goals, nor can I give myself a break only when I hit my outcome goals, because these are influenced by external factors I can’t control. What I do is to set myself process goals, (I.e. I will work from 9am-9pm, or I will make XX number of calls and give it my best). Once I complete it, I’m done for the day, I give myself rest.

Everyone of us have different ways to manage our day. What’s important is that you’re operating with the spirit and energy that is in alignment with the kind of life and business you want to build.        

Growing up I remember a verse in the Bible that really taught me the spirit of faith and surrender. And whether you’re spiritual or not, take what helps you from this:

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. — Matthew 6:25

We are not meant to know the full plan. That’s God’s job. Our job is to use the knowledge we have NOW and do what we can with it. The knowledge we have now includes — our expertise, our skillsets, our self-awareness, our intuition, our body awareness…

As long as you’re someone who values self-awareness and does the inner work (which I’m sure you are, since you’ve read so far), then you’re okay. You’re more than okay. Hard work is important, but so is faith and surrender. It is in our lowest moments when we’ve exhausted all our options and used every bit of human intelligence, where miracles happen.

So, allow miracles to happen. This means, creating space to listen to your inner voice, leaning into your body’s wisdom, respecting your season of life. It means paying attention (not ignoring) the messages you’ve been getting — from that soft whisper that gently nudges you, from affirmations you see in those apps you download, or from mentors and friends.

This is the first step. Only by doing so can you step into an expanded self-concept and create capacity to serve at a higher level.

I'll love to hear your responses :)

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and as always, If you want to build radical self-trust, further elevate your speaking and communication and truly Own Your Voice, you're invited to join the Own Your Voice 6-months coaching program, find out more here, or watch my free masterclass (it's brand new and updated!) to get a clearer idea on what your immediate focuses should be in terms of owning your voice.

You may also purchase my online courses at https://raefung.com/learn-with-rae

Remember, you have everything it takes to Own Your Voice.

About this newsletter:

I want to have conversations about the topics that are uncomfortable yet liberating to discuss. I want to hear your perspectives and stories. If anything I've written sparked a flame within you, I'd love to hear it. It doesn't have to be a professional opinion or a finished story, it can simply be a thought or a feeling.

I release a newsletter every Friday, 6pm SGT (or sometimes a day after... when inspiration hits). I have to confess, I tend to release it on time via my email list. If you prefer to receive them via email, sign up in the link in comments. I send other bonus resources via email that I don't do so here.