Restoring Relationships Through Christ’s Wisdom

Conflict is an inevitable part of life, even within close-knit communities. Whether it’s a misunderstanding, an unkind word, or an intentional slight, how we respond to these moments can either mend or further break relationships. The Bible offers clear guidance on this in Matthew 18:15: "Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother."

This verse not only outlines a path to resolving conflict but also challenges us to rise above our natural tendencies of gossip and retaliation. By applying these principles, we can create stronger bonds and a more harmonious community.

The Problem with Gossip

When someone wrongs us, our initial reaction might be to vent our frustrations to a third party. This feels cathartic but often creates more harm than good. Consider this scenario: Brother Andre wrongs you, and instead of addressing him directly, you tell Brother Jeffrey. What happens next?

Brother Jeffrey now views Brother Andre through the lens of your grievance. Even if Brother Andre does countless good deeds, that one misstep becomes his defining trait in Jeffrey’s eyes. This is the nature of human judgment—we’re quick to remember failures and slow to acknowledge good deeds.

Gossip doesn’t resolve the conflict; it magnifies it. Instead of healing, it spreads negativity, tarnishes reputations, and sows discord. This is why Jesus emphasizes direct communication in Matthew 18:15.

The Biblical Approach to Conflict Resolution

Jesus’ method for addressing conflict is both simple and profound:

1. Go Directly to the Person: The first step is to privately approach the person who has wronged you. This ensures the issue is addressed without unnecessary involvement of others. Direct communication fosters understanding and shows respect for the other person.
2. Speak Honestly and Lovingly: When confronting someone, it’s important to speak with kindness and a genuine desire for resolution. Avoid accusations or harsh words, as these can escalate the situation. Instead, focus on how the action impacted you and express your hope for reconciliation.
3. Involve Others if Necessary: If a one-on-one conversation doesn’t resolve the issue, the Bible advises involving one or two other people. This step is about accountability and mediation, not creating sides or publicizing the conflict.
4. Keep it Private: The key to Jesus’ instruction is discretion. Conflicts should be handled with the least amount of exposure possible. Broadcasting grievances on social media or among mutual friends only creates division and hinders resolution.

The Transformative Power of Direct Communication

When we follow Christ’s guidance, conflicts have the potential to transform into opportunities for growth. Here’s why:

1. It Builds Trust: Directly addressing someone shows courage and respect. It demonstrates that you value the relationship enough to seek resolution rather than harbor resentment.
2. It Encourages Accountability: Honest communication helps both parties reflect on their actions. For the wrongdoer, it provides an opportunity to apologize and make amends. For the wronged, it fosters forgiveness and understanding.
3. It Strengthens the Community: Imagine a church or community where everyone followed this principle. Misunderstandings would be resolved quickly, reputations would remain intact, and unity would prevail. As Jesus said, “If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.”

Why Gossip is Destructive

In contrast, gossip undermines trust and community. When grievances are aired publicly or shared with uninvolved parties, they:

• Tarnish Reputations: Even a small mistake can become a person’s defining trait in the eyes of others.
• Create Division: Gossip forces people to choose sides, turning a personal issue into a communal one.
• Hinder Forgiveness: Negative perceptions formed through gossip make reconciliation harder.

Proverbs 16:28 reminds us, “A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.” Gossip erodes the very fabric of relationships and communities.

Practical Steps to Avoid Gossip

To align our actions with Christ’s teachings, we must consciously reject gossip and embrace direct communication. Here are some practical steps:

1. Pause Before Speaking: When hurt or angry, take a moment to pray and reflect before reacting. Ask yourself if sharing the issue with someone else will help resolve it or simply spread negativity.
2. Seek Wisdom: If you’re unsure how to approach the person, seek counsel from Scripture or a trusted spiritual leader. This should be done with discretion and a focus on finding the right words, not airing grievances.
3. Commit to Privacy: Make it a personal rule to address conflicts privately unless it’s absolutely necessary to involve others.
4. Focus on Resolution, Not Retaliation: Approach the person with the intention of resolving the issue, not proving them wrong or seeking revenge.

The Role of Forgiveness in Conflict Resolution

Forgiveness is at the heart of resolving conflicts. It’s not about excusing the wrong but releasing the hold it has on your heart. Ephesians 4:32 encourages us to, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

When we forgive, we reflect God’s character and open the door to healing and restoration.

Conclusion

Matthew 18:15 offers a clear blueprint for handling conflicts in a way that honors God and strengthens relationships. By addressing issues directly and privately, we can foster understanding, build trust, and maintain unity within our communities.

Let us commit to rejecting gossip and embracing Christ’s standard of reconciliation. In doing so, we not only gain a brother or sister but also reflect the love and grace of God.

Who do you need to approach today? Take the first step, and trust that God will guide you in restoring peace.