Restoring Joy and Romance in Christian Marriages: Embracing Love as God Intended

We mustn’t lose sight of the fact that we are called to live, truly live, even as Christians. Far too often, we become overly strict, reserved, and frankly, joyless, thinking it’s the only way to be a “good Christian.” Everything becomes so legalistic—don’t do this because it’s not Christian; avoid that because it’s worldly. But in the process, we’ve ended up depriving ourselves of the very life God meant for us to enjoy.

This idea of living a restricted life has done more harm than good. It’s pushed people away from faith because they see Christianity as harsh and disconnected. One of the biggest casualties in this mindset has been romance. Somehow, romance and love between couples—something beautiful that God created—have been stifled. Couples feel like it’s “un-Christian” to enjoy themselves, to go out, to simply be lovers in the way God designed them to be.

Now, of course, I’m not saying we should throw all caution to the wind. We still uphold that sexual intimacy belongs within marriage. But the way we’ve gone about it, we’ve pushed couples into a corner. We’ve made them feel like they can’t express their love creatively, that they can't enjoy one another’s company without somehow stepping into sin. It’s this approach that, in my view, has led to the rising divorce rates even within the church. People aren’t leaving their marriages because they’ve fallen out of love with each other—they’re leaving because they’ve been made to feel like they’re doing something wrong just by wanting to enjoy life with their spouse.

So, where is the romance? How do we bring it back into our marriages while keeping our faith strong and rooted?

God's Design for Love and Romance

Let’s not forget, God is the one who designed love and marriage in the first place. Look at the Bible—there’s an entire book, Song of Solomon, that celebrates romantic love between a husband and wife. It’s there, plain as day, and yet we act like romance is something shameful. It isn’t. In fact, it’s something we should cherish and encourage, especially within marriage.

The problem is, we’ve allowed legalism to take over, and in doing so, we’ve missed out on the joy that comes from truly loving our spouses. Marriage was never meant to be a lifeless institution; it’s meant to be full of love, joy, and yes, romance.

Bringing Fun and Joy Back into Marriage

We need to change the way we think about marriage. It’s not just about staying together and doing life. It’s about finding joy in one another’s company, laughing together, and keeping the romance alive. Couples should feel free to go out, have fun, and enjoy the life God has given them without feeling guilty.

And it’s not just for the couples themselves. The church also has a role to play here. We need to create environments where couples feel supported in their marriages, where romance is encouraged, not shunned. Imagine having more couples' retreats, date nights organised by the church, or small groups focused on building strong, loving marriages. It would make a world of difference.

Living a Balanced Life

At the end of the day, it’s all about balance. We can live lives that are both holy and joyful. We can honour God in our marriages while still enjoying all the beautiful things that come with love and romance. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.

It’s time we stop treating marriage as just a duty and start seeing it for what it is—a gift from God that we’re meant to enjoy fully. Romance is part of that, and when we embrace it, we create strong, joyful marriages that reflect God’s love for us.

What to do?

If you’re married, I encourage you to nurture your relationship. Go on that date, take that trip, and enjoy each other’s company without feeling guilty. Your marriage is meant to be enjoyed. And for those in the church, let’s start creating spaces where romance and joy are celebrated, not suppressed.

Romance isn’t the enemy. It’s a gift from God, and it’s high time we started treating it that way. By doing so, we’ll see more joyful, fulfilling, and long-lasting marriages while keeping our faith strong.