Restless, 1 am thoughts from an untrained recruiter.

I am pretty restless tonight (Its nearly 1am), the typical time I go sleep.

Decided to get an early night, which ended up with me getting up and logging on. Whats on my mind? The belief (or lack there of) in my ability.

This has me reflecting on my life as a recruiter. Something I love, but have come to lament in recent months. It has me looking inward, more than I care to admit. But whats at the /root of it all? It can't just be the mistakes I have made, but more, reflecting on the success I had achieved, and the good I have done.

So what? What makes me different, and why does that matter.

I have never worked in a traditional recruiting agency. I have never had, nor set agressive KPI's related to X amount in pipeline input, equating to Y output and Z billing per month/quarter/year. There is benefit in this, but it's double edged. By doing things the way that I do, it means I protect the candidates I reach out to. No, it does not protect them from all the noise they get bombarded with, it just protects them from my own professional advances.

I very rarely message someone that has not replied to me, more than twice in a year. I am not here to bash down doors. The other side of the blade, is that, it means in a broken system of modern-day recruiting, I do not have the benefit of a fat pipeline. I do not always have fallback candidates. I dont have my 3's set to go.

I am surgical, I am precise, I only approach people I think my client would interview, and people who have a strong chance of moving down the pipeline. I hear all the glory stories of "10 resumes a week", and I can see how that works, and it does, sure, the fees would change my life, but at what cost? My values? The relationships...the trust?

Being involved in the community that I "feed" from, means I have to face these people every year. Whether on a discord community, on X, here, or F2F at a conference. I am a pretty solid Technical Recruiter, but even with my lack of ability to "read" someone F2F or grasp the "tone" of an engagement, I would know I wronged that person, irrespective of whether they were on the candidate or client side.

Am I perfect and have I represented everyone well? No chance. I have made more mistakes than I'd like to admit. Things slip your mind, motivation wains, pressure grows, and people are forgotten. I always tell people I represent "If you feel I am too quiet, message me!".

Without the experience of working in a big agency, I have largely had to apply common sense to what I do. I was a Hostile Environment Security Guy for 6 years, sudo/PMC, and had to deal with tons of recruiters. I always had a curiosity about recruiting, but didn't have an in, but I promised myself, I'd never be like most of them. I'd always give feedback, I'd always get back to people, and I'd help people sometimes land their dream job.

So where am I now? Honestly, not in a great place. My motivation is unwaivered, my determination to succeed burns hotter than ever, but perhaps I have just taken a few too many knocks. Maybe my confidence is shot. Maybe I need to rest. Perhaps, but that time to rest will come when I get back to succeeding.

I live a modest life, in a not entirely modest home, just a stone's throw from my father-in-law, a man that truly excels at what he does. For interest sake, he is the regional sales manager for a lesser-known brand of tractors in South Africa. The man breaks record after record every quarter. He is a stoic military man, always setting an alarm, but never truly needing one. I don't party, I have little to no social life, and I do what I do for my wife, my daughter, and their futures. When times are good, we will go away for a weekend of camping, something I hope I will be able to do again next year. They are my why, they are the reason I need to end result in recruiting.

Times are tough. They are tough for me, but I believe, currently, they are tough for everyone. For people in tech, people in cyber are being caught on the wrong side of layoffs. Times are tough for those good people attempting to build and grow new cyber tech companies in a market of doubt, uncertainty, and budget cuts. We do what we do to make our connected world safer for the generations to come, and to make a few dollars along the way.

I will continue my work, as long as the lord and my auditor allow. I will continue doing my utmost, I will continue helping where I can. I will continue my pursuit of excellence and success. This is but a season, and with faith, I know, the next season will be a fruitful and abundant one.

I look forward to having my bases fully covered, living by the assurances I have made, and perhaps having the time and resources to achieve all the things Id like to achieve. I have more to give than finding the best security talent.

Take care of yourself and one another. You never truly know whats going on with someone, so be kind.