Rest, race and class

I've been reflecting on my relationship with rest (prompted by me taking my second solo trip to Lisbon last month) and I'm working with? Kasey Robinson , UPFRONT's anti-racism coach in residence,?to learn more about how the idea of white women resting is directly linked to race and class. Please note this has been written with white women in mind.

I'm a mother and last week I spent 5 days in Lisbon on my own. I'm a Founder of a growing business and I'm spending weeks away from my team and my work. I did the same thing last spring and you responded in a big way. I was left with the idea that travelling solo as a mother is a radical act. I think these things should be ordinary but they are not. This is why I want to talk to you about them.?

I'm a mother and a founder and I'm white. I grew up working class and now live a middle class lifestyle. My whiteness and the privileges my white skin affords me is a vital part of this conversation - of every single conversation me and the white women reading this have.?

I've noticed that it's becoming trendy for white middle class women to talk about rest on the internet - it's becoming cool for white women to quit and feminist to slow down. My slowing down is directly linked to my whiteness.?

I'm still learning that rest is a core pillar of the Black women's liberation movement. I'm still learning that when white women use the language and ideas around rest without saying loud and clear -?"the rest I'm going on about here is different to the rest Black women have been facilitating, honouring and preaching for a very very long time"?is harmful. This post is one of my many steps in learning how not to cause harm.

The rest I'm going to be talking about over the next few days, weeks and months online and in our Bond is different from the radical rest Black women talk about because....

1. For decades upon decades white women have been pushing to have the same things white men have (for some consciously and for some?unconsciously) I opted into this rat race - aged 23 I built my first business with little to no regard for the role my whiteness played in that decision and the work that followed. Did I burn out? Yes. Did I end up in hospital due to overwork and stress? Yes. I didn't see this way of working and being role modelled but also didn't see any other way role modelled - I was very much on my own. But I also benefited greatly and I wasn't fighting racism. White women, and I include myself in this, are complicit in the system that has now made the idea of 'rest' trendy in the first place. I have benefited from that same system (through things like money and opportunity)?

1. Am I tired? Yes. Do I find motherhood hard? Yes. Is being a Founder a daily head fuck? You bet. But my whiteness makes all these things and my entire life easier and safer compared to my Black and brown peers. The system that has created my tiredness and my hard motherhood is built upon white supremacy. Because I’m white this is a system that I have benefited from and have actively upheld (and I'm sure still am actively up holding)?

I'd like mothers choosing to spend time away from their children without guilt to be normal. I'd like women to know it's very possible to have a relationship where jealousy is not on the table. I'd like women to choose men who are as capable as you (or more) of looking after children and maintaining a house. I'd like Founders and leaders to build companies that don't burn people out. And I'd like white women to tell these stories and make these moves whilst talking about privilege and honouring the work and power of Black women. That is my intention.?

I’m on a learning journey and always will be. Writing this and talking it through with others has helped me realise I want to spend more time thinking about my own class -?how it’s changing and how that’s connected to my ambition and how I raise my family.?

Thanks for reading.