Responsible Parenting “From” Our Children

Let’s face it- life between being a parent, work, and social responsibilities make the days pass us by in the blink of an eye.

Neeharika was only 10 years old when she became a parent to her infant sister as well as for me. Many parents worry that they don’t have good parenting skills and wondering it may lead to developmental delays. Sometimes I feel guilty about working full time, or experience restlessness about choosing to work out in the garden with myself or to go to dinner with friends. Let us not forget the social media where stay-home parents who take their children to the local zoo or work on alphabets and building blocks with them only add to this anxiety. It is a myth that parenting is an emotion and we need to prepare ourselves to do parenting. At home, her crib was directly placed next to his bed so that he can pick her up in the night if she cried and sing her back to sleep. I was surprised to see this and the impact it made on my behavior and emotional wellbeing. So, I started discussing, debating, sulking, and crying also at times. This is not to negate the importance of time spent with children and soon the monologues turn into a dialogue. This is how we are dependable friends, an advisor, guide, and mentor in distress and felt a weight on my shoulder was gone.

As parents, ideals, caretakers, we can make choices to ensure that we both come from our mountain of ego to no ego state. Here is some learning where my kid acts like my parents- it is okay as we are growing together in this journey.

Below Are A Few Reasons Where Parents Mess You Up

You must be thinking what the need for this kind of insight is and why do we want to listen to what kids want from us and finally why we need to be challenged when it comes to parenting.

1) The Product Launched Aftermarket Survey- When any consumer product is designed, the consumers are asked what kind of features and functions do you want in this product, when you go to a salon or restaurant they give you a menu or a rate card to see and help you decide what is best for you, or when you want to book a holiday through a travel agent all important details are asked to make your trip pleasurable then why can’t children be allowed to tell their parents how do they want to be raised. No offense to any parent, but if given an opportunity these little people with little wisdom can be a milestone in an adult’s life. My daughter told me I am not saying that I have a say in everything but when I am 10 years old you have to be a 10-year-old and then deal with me.

2) Disagreement Is Equal To Disrespect- My daughter is a gadget enthusiast and wherever she travels with me, she carries all her gadgets with her, and of course, she takes more time packing and unpacking at the airport security check because of the gadgets. Initially, I use to get mad at her and I always tell her why you can’t pack all this in luggage because it is a waste of time whenever I am traveling with you. Her very genuine reply is these things are fragile and can get damaged in the luggage. She is been freaked out with my nuance one day and told me you like obedience and dislike being liberal. An illusion of control you want for me and I want you to recalibrate our relationship with obedience and liberty. If affects me in a good way.

3) Emotional Bias- Being a parent I suffer from emotional bias, what is it? Emotional bias is where an individual value something which they already own more than something which they do not own yet. Also known as the endowment effect. For example, I want to buy a car and I have chosen 3 as option 1, option 2 & option 3, option 3 is something I don’t like because the car is very big in the structure and cannot fit in my mobility. I like option 2 because it is as per my need, color, and design but it is overpricing, and I think that I should go for option 1. As soon as I finalize option 1, I came to know that the color & delivery date is not available hence I buy the worst option. So, when you end up buying the worst option, as soon as you buy it becomes the best option. The same thing happens with parents, they have a sense of ownership and emotional investment in their children with whatever they do becomes the best. Thanks to this endowment effect, rather children want their parents to be realistic and face battles with equal balance.

4) Accidents Happen On Clear Roads- This one is interesting because it was told by my little one, that she is always labeled by me as a naughty child, and compared with other children/cousins and I am ready to accept the measurable outcomes which I did not approve at the beginning and turn out good. But if the outcome goes bad, parents treat children in a bad manner. On that note, many smart decisions can have unlucky outcomes. So parents being the insiders, witnesses what they are doing cannot only value outcomes, they need to value their intentions. I was suffering from strategic and simple observation bias.

5) Domestic Gender Distinction- How parents think about their daughters and sons, such as a son should be a superhero and tough whereas the daughter should be a princess and tender. Why can’t we have a gender-neutral zone and are raised as gender agnostic family? Why matrimonial advertisement says the fair and beautiful bride, why skin lightening creams are more sold in South India than the soft drinks. Who is willing to do something doesn’t depend upon nature rather it depends upon nurture? What kind of sons and daughters we want to raise because every parent wants to give his or her best in this complex job called parenting?

Children do not come with a manual, so parenting techniques and styles are invented in the process. And we are ready for our imaginary baby who would cuddle, snuggle, and sleep through the night whereas the real baby is high-end babies. I admit my two kids in the world are the voice of positivity and the reason there is a future for me.