R...E...S...P...O..N..S..I..B..I..L..I..T..Y

Okay--so the word doesn't quite fit into the tune of Aretha Franklin's song respect, however it's another 'R' word that deserves some attention :)

My brother and I had lots of chores to do when we were younger. It was simply part of what you do when you’re part of a family. We didn’t receive an allowance until we were older, doing extra things above and beyond the ‘usual’ chores, to earn the money.

I used to feel annoyed that some of my friends were “paid” for their grades. My Dad’s response to that was, “You get to be smart!”?

I then took those words into my classrooms, starting with my first year teaching a class of 32 first graders. To help with discipline in the classroom, a number of things were suggested. One was using stickers for various things. I had a nifty little paper chart that had room for a month of stickers. I soon found that trying to keep up with putting stickers on the charts of 32 kids, as I ‘found them doing good things,’ was far too much for me to keep up with during my first year.?

So I had a chat with my class. We talked about what school was for, why they were here, and who we were as a group. We also talked about responsibility and what that meant in terms of being a student in school.

I realized then as I do now, talking about responsibility with 6 year olds is a big topic. However, I’ve always been a huge believer in the capabilities of children. Especially after having lived in and worked with children of other countries. Children are capable of so very much when they’re given the opportunity to do things and to share their thoughts in constructive ways. I remember some of the responses my students expressed in regard to their understanding and definition of ‘responsibility’ in terms of their learning.

“Responsibility is when you have to do your work so you can get to second grade.” “Being responsible means you are nice to your sister.” “Responsibility means you take care of the things you have.” Smart little cookies!

We were definitely on the right track with these answers, which was pleasing to hear! I recall asking my class a few questions for them to think about, such as, “Whose brain is in your head?” “Whose brain will live with you your whole life?” “What might happen if you allow someone—anyone—to do all your thinking and deciding for you?”

I loved posing questions to my students, and not answering them—at least not straight away. They all got used to that, because I did that a lot! And it got them thinking!

That all said, remembering is the ‘part b’ to this! Like anything learned, it needs a healthy dose of repetition in order for those neural connections to be strong and therefore ‘wire together’ so whatever’s learned becomes something remembered (or a habit, etc.).

It was well worth the time we took to have that discussion early on. Each year after, I started the school year with a similar talk (usually around the time when we, as a class, came up with our ‘class guidelines,’ deciding on how we wanted our classroom to be for the year.

Somehow, somewhere in adulthood, we tend to forget that we have to repeat things quite bit in order to remember them. We also tend to forget that childhood is an 18 year long process of learning to become responsible…. Or do I say a 25 or so year process, being that the brain isn’t fully developed until around this age. Or wait! So I dare say umm, some people don’t learn personal responsibility until much, much later….

It might seem like a surprise to some though, most young children love to take on responsibilities. You should’ve seen the kids in my classes when it came time to do our ‘class chores’ at the end of the day! There were times I would’ve liked to have invited them to my house to continue cleaning things up!?

It is our (adults’) responsibility to help children learn to be responsible and learn to take responsibility for themselves and their actions. While this may seem very logical, too often in today’s world, the modeling children see are adults doing the opposite, finger pointing and excuse making.

Adults can help children understand the concept of being responsible and taking responsibility in positive ways, such as pointing out the good, responsible things they do. When your child cleans up without you asking, make sure you acknowledge this to them, “Thank you for taking responsibility for your things and cleaning up… your room….the dishes…the toys”?

When you see your child pick up a piece of litter on the street and put it in the bin, you could commend your child with some impactful words, “I’m sure the Earth thanks you for being a responsible human and taking care of her!” or “I really appreciate how you took responsibility to pick up that trash and throw it in the bin. Thank you!” Praise their responsible actions more often than when they aren’t being responsible, or when it feels necessary to point out how ‘irresponsible’ they’re being. Kids benefit from the subtle and not so subtle ways they’re told they’re ‘doing the right thing.’

As children get older and have more school work to do along with other extra-curricular activities, it is the responsibility of the adults in their life to help them learn to juggle their responsibilities. Sometimes sacrifices need to be made. When both parents, or the only parent is working, they cannot be everywhere at once, nor can they, especially with multiple children, accommodate all children all the time. If a child is participating in a sport that requires some kind of equipment, is it the parent’s responsibility to gather up that equipment so the child has what they need for their practice or game? No. Nor is it entirely the responsibility of the parent to figure out when the child will do their homework in the midst of any extra curricular activity.?

I would say however, it is the responsibility of the adult to help the child work out a schedule that will accommodate both the homework and the extra curricular activity. This is teaching and it is also setting an example of being responsible, as well as modeling how to navigate a tight schedule. Parents can sit down with their child and work out together, what responsibilities need to be taken care of, when and in what priority.?

By pointing out the behaviors in which children are acting responsibly —especially when they are being so without having been asked — is one way children will learn to choose to behave responsibly, and ultimately become responsible adults. They’ll eventually grow up to understand that everything in their lives is ultimately their responsibility.?

Children can be taught early on that learning is also their responsibility. This was one of the things we discussed in my classes. I shared with students my philosophy about learning— that learning is a life long thing we do when we’re curious about things. And the more we learn, the more we can do for ourselves.

Simply put (I’d share with them), when you choose to learn things, you get to know how to do things, and to understand the meaning of things which helps you to understand new things. If they allowed someone else to do their thinking for them, they would always need someone around to take care of what needs to be taking care of. If at times they’d forget to bring something to school, like a permission slip for a field trip, or a book to return to the library, we’d have a little chat about what it means to be responsible? so that the next time they needed to remember something, they would have some actions to take to help them remember. A good lot of the time, their excuse for forgetting pointed at one of the parents. I would then gently ask who it was that’s a part of the class, them or their mom/dad? And the remind them that their parents have already been through kindergarten :) If they repeatedly forgot the same things, then a consequence happened. Not once was a child surprised when I followed through with a consequence, like not going on a field trip (which was never fun for me to have to say no to) because they’d learned that it was their responsibility to get the permission slip back to me. Fortunately that happened only once in all of my career.

When I was around 8 or so, I had a pet parakeet, P.D. I loved that bird, though I was also a little afraid of him—he bit hard! Time and time again, I was reminded to make sure P.D. had food and water, and a clean cage as he was my bird and my responsibility. Well, sadly came a day when I got home from school to find P.D. dead on his cage floor. I was absolutely mortified and ashamed. the guilt I felt (and carried with me for years) was heavy. It was a harsh lesson. No one was angry with me, though I knew it was entirely my fault that P.D. perished. It was a very long time before I got another pet, however, my lesson was learned and my dog lived a very long, happy life.

While teaching in the Philippines, I met high school graduates who had come back for a visit during their first year of college. They shared how overwhelmed they felt with ‘all that they had to be responsible for.’ A fellow teacher shared with me that a couple of thees students were having serious issues, as they’d never even picked out their own clothes, cleaned their rooms, nor cooked anything before in their lives.?

By being given responsibilities, we learn to take responsibility as well. You eat, you help make dinner, or you help clean up. You want clean clothes, you learn to use the washer (or as for some, as it was for me in the Peace Corps, you learn to wash them by hand). You want to participate in extra curricular activities, you get your school work done. You want to have a pet, you learn what it needs in order to take care of it.

In having general understanding of what it means to be responsible, as well as opportunities to practice being and taking responsibility when children are young helps them to better understand why it pays to be responsible and take responsibility for their own actions, their own learning, and (eventually) their own life.